Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

26 August 2015

26.08.15
Haze of the confessional
it’s neon signs
sacramental
cocktails
blonde priestess
giving me absolution
and
redemption
all night
long red nails leaving stigmata
on my back

25 August 2015

25.08.15 night
It’ nothing 
You said
It’s 
W hat you 
You didn’t 
Say
It spoke loudly
I learned more than, I wanted to 
Know
There’s only
Room for 
you 
In
your world 
it’s
not you 
it’s
me
I have a soul
And 
It lathes 
Being drained 
To 
feed  your 
never-ending conceit

25.08.15 
Dark cocktail hour of the soul
There 
is 
no me
there
is
only you
you must 
of made me to  
hurt
there
is 
no we
there
is
only you
there 
is 
no point
there 
is
only you

25.08.15 morning after
I could been anyone
with the possible exception
of someone she cared for
this
was never anything 
any way
this 
was never 
going  to end well
she was always going to 
be my undoing 
I think
I’ll make a drink
To fill that 
Empty space

24 August 2015

25.08.15
Angel I’ll hold
Close your eyes
Flashing with anger
And
Disappointment 
Lay your head 
Across my chest 
I’ll wrestle 
Nightmares
fight
Fears
Combat
Anxiety
Carry that weight for you
Rest 
 Sweet Angel 
I will be 
your dark
guardian tonight


24.08.15
Those blue eyes 
hit me in the half light
I touched and felt the pain 
I saw in your eyes
I recognised it
It mirrored mine
And our hips matched 
Too
The nights 
We worked pain into laughter ,
And laughter 
into 
passion

21 August 2015

Botticelli in a Mohawk
I carry you
Always
Botticelli in a Mohawk
So light and beautiful

Angelic succubus
Botticelli in a Mohawk

Today a fading Polaroid
Botticelli in a Mohawk
Sorrowful mysteries
Longing for the unattainable
Botticelli in a Mohawk


21.08.15  contemplating beauty
your lips 
and
your hips 
pure bliss
Your , mons  venus
Pure joy
your passion 
Feeds me
your love 
gives  me reason 
to live

21.08.15
you’re magic
and you ou’ve got me in 
the 
clouds
so when I 
look 
down
it’s 
tragic
I am the
One that  you 
Wanted
I am
The vampyre
See me me 
From  your cloud 
submerging 
down  into my world
Know
That
You’re
The only home 

I will ever
know

20 August 2015

20.08.15  night
Your soul 
Is broken 
So is mine
Come 
To me
Come as
a
friend
come as
lover
come as
a
tovarich
just
come

to
me
20.08.15 later 
the last time you 
broke my heart
a beer bottle broke on someone’s 
face
 the last time  you
broke  my heart
the last time you
broke my heart
She couldn’t make you leave my heart
the last time you
broke my heart
you put together with a fevered night

20.08.15
She ‘s so faraway
and 
I kind of need her
She’s so faraway
I am drinking  coffee 
and
I kind of need her
She’s off in her castle
And I kind of need her
She’s  here when she needs  me
And
I kind of need her
She’s so faraway 
On her Island
And
I kind of need her
She’s so far away
When ever
I need her



19 August 2015

The letters Game
This was our Monday thing, meeting, and debriefing each other on our weekend. Here Kiev coffee shop.  “Lottie” I greet her sitting at her table. A tall stack of papers paper she is editing. Blue and red pens. She looks tired.
“Are you editing the Talmud?” I ask,
Lottie groggily answers “Dr. C’s autobiography.”
“Because sex on demand isn’t enough? Now you're his slave!”
“I want to do this!” Lottie insists.
“I hate this game?” I say
“What game? “Lottie asks.
“The letters game I am pretty sure you’re not into his nebbish, corpulent, little myopic geezer. He has multiple ex-wives, at least 20 years older, than you. He feeds you shite about how his dedication to his lofty ideas has cost him a normal life. You have of course romatized those ideals. You turn a blind eye to the inconstancies’. You’re actually doing most of the work here for him.” I say
“How do you know this?” Lottie demands
“How do you not; it's a bloody campus favourite” I answer.
“I am way behind “ Lottie says anxiously
What’s the payment for your labour? An hour of his attention maybe a footnote in this Autobiography, because I can assure when you talent reaches its peak he will take credit for “having “mentored “you, and the length seems more a appropriate for a PM, than an untenured Prof.” I say. I sit down to my coffee. I am about to Change the subject when I notice Lottie’s eyes go wide looking at something over my shoulder, so
I spin around its Doctor Charlatan.
“Charlotte, if this was beyond your capabilities why didn’t you tell me! You’re being foolish pretending! Doctor C says much too loudly. I stand up. I am in a black leather jacket and jeans. Dr charlatan is in a tweed jacket and corduroy’s, as if straight from central casting. “Say it again” I say not shouting, but in a low measured voice.
Doctor Charlatan actually repeats himself. I bring an open palm left across his face, which draws blood from his lip in the same low voice ”Say it again.” Doctor charlatan actually repeats himself again. I bring my right drawing blood again. “You never going to get tenure little man, you’re too bloody stupid”. I turn my back to him. He doesn’t have the nerve to try anything pick my cup up and it spills. “I am sorry “ I say, but can’t help laughing. Doctor Charlatan gathers the papers and scurries out like a cockroach when lights are turned on.
I look at Lottie the spell has been broken. “How could have been so stupid!” she says sounding fatigued
 I flip a twenty down, and say “I’ll be back in 5, I need a cigarette; get something to eat. “
“Don’t hurt him,” Lottie pleads hitting me with her baby blues. A nice English Lit major from Romania. She is tan, and healthy. A stark contrast to me and my friends in the Village. She was waitressing  at the club where I was a chucker. A brief romance turned into  a deep  friendship, with the way we both went  through lovers this was better. In our brief Romance  the Kiev was Sunday morning . It turned into friends on Monday morning talking about the weekend . I have this on my mind as I go out past Sergei at the counter. I step out into the crisp autumn morning I easily gain on doctor Charlatan I catch the door to the Volvo, and say ” Cunt this is what’s going to happen Lottie gets an “A”, and you fuck-off or, I will cut off your tiny prick.” I pull my switchblade to make my point.
“So your fucking her too” Charlatan asks. I grab his arm and twist. He screams. .
“Not to mention the Dean might have strong opinions on your extra curricular activities” I say releasing his arm.
He recoils trying to move into passengers seat. Screaming “OK !OK! “
I slam the door and walk back to Lottie.  She interrogates without a word.
“Doctor Charlatan is OK, She starts crying from relief, or regret I pull my chair next to her and hold her until passes. “No games here, I am worst or, me for better. I take care of my friends.









16 August 2015

Morning 16.08.15
If Angels
should
fall
I will
catch you
every time
if they 
try 
to
destroy Angels
I   will 
Destroy them
every time
Angel 
I will tell you
I love
You
Every time

15 August 2015

Breakfast with Tour Guide
“Elisie is your breakfast not to your liking?” I asked.  She was picking at an omelet. I was having a glass of wine. She was clearly on edge refused a Xanax, or a Bloody Mary.
“Chechnyanian’s are never coming back.” I said.  Drinking more wine. The quiet patio belies the battle last night. Cerberus leaves nothing to waste.
“We will have several visitors today, love, if you like you’re size 2” I ask.
She nods in last night’s dress, and heels.
“I have some sports wear   up stair’s and some flats’ up stairs first room on your right. There’s a connected bath.  If you like you can change. Elisie nods goes up stairs. He first of the visitors arrives. I buzz in Pablo from my gate Cerberus inspects lets me know he has a Glock, Pablo waves
and say’s “What you know good home’s?”
“I got 4 G wagon’s, as promised, you have the cash?
I am good 4 late model Humvees, right?
Around back keys in the ignition.  Pablo tosses a bag of cash at me I can trust him, as I killed his partner. He call’s on his cousins to help drive the cars to the chop shop. I can see them going across he lawn, the “Maria’s I call them he knows I prefer women around. All the cars leave in different directions. Elisie comes down the stars in a sundress, which shows off her slim figure and augmented breasts, and the same sky-high heels she is auditioning.
“The make and clothing to your liking?” I ask her
“Oh yes, everything very good” She answers.
Sitting next to me leaning on me.
Cerberus warns.  I see him Andrei, suit gold chains no tie brief case, and empty duffle.
“Cash” he I ask. He reaches into his pocket. Slides the cash towards me a slowly
I give it to Elisie to count “ 6 AKS 3 Glock, Cerberus show him” I say. Cerberus always amazes Andrei.
A tall figure enters as Andrei leaves. He claps his hands together, and Say’s “Marc Anthony introduce me to you new pet.”
“Elisie this the Prince of Lies, Prince of darkness, Devil, Satan, Lucifer. Or as call him the repo man.” I said. Elisie looks anxious.
“You may call me, Nick, my dear” bowing slightly. Say what you will he is charming. Elisie, is not buying it; smart girl.
“What is repo Man?” she asks  confused.
“When you fail to make payments on a vehicle the bank has a right to  repossession , or take possession again, take back. Nicky here goes were ever there is pain misery , and suffering  to take souls. “
“Speaking of taking souls Marc Anthony  How long do you plan to be on surface this time? You have responsibilities , another Macedonian, didn’t your adventure with Cleo teach you anything?  “You know she’s in Santa Monica, with a couple of kids and a mortal, ” the Repo man said.  I was trying to picture her with a mini van, but couldn’t.
“She modeled and was in videos, she is as always stunning, have you lost interest in your new pet yet?” Repo man continues, smiling.
“Why are you here?” I ask the Repo man.
“I am hunting you and your pets will accompany me.”  The Repo man answers.’
I signal Cerberus, and Elisie we follow thee Repo man to G wagon. Not sure why he wants an audience other, than he is vanity  personified.
First stop rub and tug the repo man signals over the management who obey, not knowing why. Repo man touches them on the back the head there  touches them on the back of the head, there’s a blinding flash of light, Repo man puts the ball of light into the brief case.  This goes on all night the Repo man really has a  stash he drops at my house  and leaves this plane.











 










16.08.15
dance  with 
me
we both 
know  it
it starts 
with glances.
Whispers,
And ends in  screams 
And
Frenzied union
We know the 
Moves
Subtle
And
Daring
So 
Perfectly matched
Each move 
Escalating  intensity
Rising passion 
Torrid moments
All part of  this dance


15,08.15 later
there  should 
be a word 
for longing for the
 unattainable
there 
is 
love

15.08.15

when I watch you 

undress 

from that  sundress

slipping the pool

it is to 

elicit

ecstasy


14 August 2015

14.08.15
death  
my favourite 
lover
she always 
jilts me
you’re eloping
 with  her
Just once
I wish could have the 
girl

12 August 2015

12.08.15
daring 
as 
love
unflinching
as
passion
audacious
as
lust
coming 
for 
you
I am tapping on the window
 knocking  on the door
going to kick it in
and
claim you 
for myself

Dinner with the tour guide
Elisie cling to me a frightened smile, and eyes that simultaneously said don’t hurt. And take me. The EMT was running to the Chechnyanian.
“Elisie put my shades on now and watch I said softly, but firmly. She slips them on watches the Chechnyanian. The EMT props him up then puts his hand on the back of his head. There is a blinding flash.
Elisie wasn’t that most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? I ask she is removing the gasses. I steer to the car
“What was that? She asks her accented voice a mixture of awe, and fear.
I walk her to my car .I press my finger on lips. “Love I will explain I say placing her in passenger seat. Then as I start the car put the top down, and the ’65 Lincoln Continental eases out of the car park. She is figuring out the satellite radio finds dance music, but she is still anxious.
“Love what you saw was the Chechnyanian’s soul.  Every soul is this beautiful. Your soul is probably even more beautiful. “ I say.
“The EMT take it?” she demands
“That was Lou, Lucifer, Satan, “ I said.
“You are not scared?” she asked incredulously.
“I stole his dog,” I answer laughing.
We pull up to my place.  Recognition flashes across her face. Elisie was here last week. When we met.
Cerberus runs to greet me. Elisie pets and kisses him blissfully unaware, that her new friend is factually the hound from hell.
“Elisie last week when we met somebody picked you up in the morning; Chechnyanians?” I ask. She looks at the ground, and nods yes.
“They’re on heir way, come with me she follows heels clicking. We walk to the pool house.
“You will be safe here, no mater what you hear you don’t come out. I will be back. She points at Cerberus, “No, I need him.” but we will come back for you
The Chechnyanians burst the door as on cue. I assume my true form bursting through my clothes to 9-foot tall 25 stone fangs and all, Cerberus goes from pit bull to 3 heads the Chechnyanians start emptying AK47’s on us. We charge. Cerberus eats one first, but there’s plenty to go around I drain he eats.
We make sure no one survived quickly go inside and morph back to human, and canine. Go to the pool house. I open the door, and Elisie is wielding a floor lamp. I laughingly plead, “Please don’t hurt me.”
Elisie drops lamp   and hugs me.
“They no hurt you,” she asks inspecting me, then looking over Cerberus.
“They no hurt anyone again.” I answer. I am think there’s bling, guns and, 2 Humvees to sell tomorrow.
“”I can cook she, you hungry?” Elisie announces. I beg off saying I have eaten earlier, but tell her to go in the kitchen and prepare whatever she would like. I am happy I remembered to stock kitchen, with human food.








10 August 2015

10.08.15
When she talk’s
She talks of Him
only in moments of weakness, 
does she need me now
She never learns
So she always 
Calls
Watching her speak
I see
Her hands 
Have lives of their own
She tells me
He 
is a great scholar
He
is a genius
only in moments
 does she need me now
does she need me now?
does she need me now?



Tour Guide Gets a Drink
“Chechnyanian you frighten me not. The regimental tattoo a warning; they call me the Captain, the English, and of course Marc Anthony. Think of this as a warning. I get that you're her boyfriend / manager.  Understand, that, I am Vampyric walking study in demonology, and a tour guide in hell.
Cursed by Cleopatra a was a member of the Ptolemaic dynasty, a family of Macedonian Greek origin that ruled Egypt after Alexander the Great's death during the Hellenistic period. The Ptolemies, throughout their dynasty, spoke Greek, and refused to speak Egyptian. When she committed suicide; she cursued me to roam, and fight for eternity.
She was the world first supermodel, beautiful promiscuous, and strung out Affairs with my cousin Julius. So beautiful my wife Octavia wanted her blood, and her brother Octavos   She was my type crazy, sexy, cool.
I have been to hell so many times. I am a tour guide there.
I have been fighting for 2 millennium. There is no way you survive I saw you call for help if you think they have improved on he gang I ran with Clodius Pulcher, you’re insane. I get it   she was trafficked, but I fancy her, I now own her contract. , And you can walk out or be carried, either way works for me. The Captain said. Signaling for 2 pints
The Chechnyanian stands up, ‘6”6 maybe 20 stone. He reaches inside is jacket. The Captain stands bringing the full pint mug fast and connecting on the jawline and shattering. The Chechnyanian.
“Elisie lets leave bartender dialing 911, and she should see all that blood I hit the jugular. Macedonia always did have   the most beautiful women.”
Elisie has a frightened smile as she hooks her arm in the Captain’s.



09 August 2015

09.08.15
Love 
was the mask 
of
betrayal 

07 August 2015

07.08.15
When I met 
You
You 
Belonged  to no one
And 
everyone
The soul of a  pink spider
 Morally Flexible and fluid
You 
kept saying you were tired of feeling crazy
when  you broke 
I threw the pieces across the sky
They  sparkled and became 
Thousands’ of stars
Ride faraway from the city and look at the bright 
Stars you 
Have
become

06 August 2015

06.08.15
I still taste 
Lips and hips
I never should have kissed
Just a fucking reminder
of
Who I tried to 
Be
Who you  
were
Driving me further underground
I wish I had met 
You before 
Before
Angels were
Raped and then 
destroyed 
now
it’s to
bloody 
late

05 August 2015

05.08.15 later
raw, wild, and hungry
in my prime, desired
and angry
in my crosshairs 
but 
too vain to know
my shots are clean
My shots are final
You say you’re genius
But
Sitting on a glass wand in the wind
You can’t feel me calculating wind and drop
You’re already dead 
little man
one  more 
bullet
one  less
sod

05.08.15
touch me
feel the darkness, the anger, and strength
now give me that just slip it, off your shoulders
you carried it too long
I can carry it for you
It frightens’ me not 
I am as dark, as you are light
And this burden lighter than
Air

02 August 2015

01.08.15
you come
golden
crave 
you
You come 
golden and dripping
I crave 
you
the others 
stare
my blasĂ©’
is so practised
I crave
you 
The others are so obvious
You come
Dripping  breathless
My cool is just  that
I crave 
you

31 July 2015

31.08.15
Your madness
perfume below your belly
Like a rare
tropical flower
warm and inviting
behind your forehead 
dreams and visions wait
like  
a flock of beautiful 
birds waiting to take flight
under your breast a heart so 
strong 
passionate
bursting
like a star gone s
supernova
in 
my bed you’re 
a revelation
of raw sensuality, and passion
I wish to caress your affliction
This madness 
of yours
has
me 
in 
a trance

30 July 2015

Such an early episode 
Rockaway 
not even the flacos  in Tompkins’ 
aren’t  holding 
Nyquil in queens 
Purgatory
Angelic eyes plead
Just hold 
Me
And I
 will hold you 
tonight its 
Nyquil 
And
Love 
Tomorrow
May never come

30.07.15
let me play you like
a telecaster
no blues riffs
today 
yes 
I know they’re there
today
I am picking and strumming
Rock riffs, and jazz  riffs
and
Something 
a
Little 
romantic

28 July 2015

28.07.15 later
Dyslexic poems
random seduction 
a disease 
it takes
a
lifetime to perfect 
tragically
strategically
Fatally 
flawed




26 July 2015

25.07.15
Revelation
Your soul calls to me
Your  talent
Is
Sex
Shock
I am experienced
Angry raised scars   
Truth
I am 
Living on
Reflexes 
And instinct
I see you
And 
I
Know
You don’t have to 
Talk
I appreciate
Why
You
Pull
Away
I understand 
why 
You
Call me

22 July 2015

22.07.15
This is 
not 
a love poem 
This is not about 
You 
I need 
you 
More than I want 
You
I want you 
With the heat of
of
10,000 super novas
This is  absolutely
the part
Where 
You fuck me
Or
Fuck off
This is the truth
I don't 
Do 
Love
This is the freedom 
Of 
Being underground
This is 
all 
All there is

20 July 2015

20.07.15
Starving
that look
I’m giving you
Devouring you with my eyes
A sexy meal
I told who and what
I was
No pretence
Here
Yes
The vampyre is starving
fangs start to  show
and you’re
such a pretty meal
sorry to be so blunt
but
I am starving
And
You’re so pretty and sexy

18 July 2015

In progress

He felt like a malevolent disembodied apparition, as he waited outside her home. He felt for his .45.   A reflex, as he tried to remember how long he had carried a weapon.  There was of course his public school. It  was probably in his teens. Algiers maybe working the black market smoking opium, living on cigarettes unreasonably strong tea, and tourist women.  The tea was   more addictive, than the opium. He was a Kaffir; the protection was needed as it was in the Bowery. Now it was   part of getting dressed. 10 round clip, which he didn’t need tonight.
She challenged him at every turn  “I don’t think you’re strong enough to accept to accept my love.”  She taunted.
He pointed at the scar on his throat, his mind going back to that, night, in Hunts point South Bronx The fight, Cass helping him into her car driving like an Algerian taxi driver, while cooing sweet things to him. Shirt pressed to throat. Finally Saint Vincent’s hospital Sister of charity running toward him, then it going black.
He answered by saying I have seen “Helicopters a blaze, my love coughing Technicolor blood in her last moments I travelled around thee world, around the block and back again. I have rarely seen anything more beautiful, than you.”
She just held him, not saying a word shaking a little at first, and then just pressing as to melt with him.
Mumbling something incomprehensible before kissing him. Next she casually invited him to her house for the night. Somehow through coincidence, Happenstance, and random chance. He is now sitting outside her house at 3 AM smoking a cigarette trying decide to call, and see if she wants company. “I crave she says in a manner, that is carnal, with no pretence if she’s in the mood.  The other possibility Start the bike hope the Ducati’s growls went unnoticed, and go to his flat, which is smiling like a flock of beauty  pageant contestants, but secretly sad, and blue.


16 July 2015

16.07.15
you hit me like
China White
A new ritual
I want more of 
Of  you
Than a syringe 
Can hold
Let me 
Hold you
I
Already tied off 
When we 
Kiss
I am injecting you straight into my 
Soul
I will hold  you through my
nod

A Kiss
It’s a given, that you party for a living. A raspy voice says come here and go away at the same time.  Long blonde hair, and a gravity defying cleavage, a cafĂ© au lait   tan. Long strong legs that must be he stairway to heaven An accent that speaks of mother Russia, and the bad girl” in a Bond film.
You have my attention smoky bedroom eyes. You’re someone different every time I see you.  I watch morph before my eyes. I will never get a glimpse of you.
You my friend, no?  She asks in her whiskey and honey voice. Hitting me with   those eyes, and pouty lips
“ I think so, am I?” I ask
“You come, with me leave, talk.”  She says kissing me.
“You are my friend, I would rather die, than kiss without love, “ She says. Opening doors that I will never be able to close. I step into the abyss holding her and, and smiling. Knowing it will end in disaster

14 July 2015

14.07.15
pull your hair
want to
see your 
eyes
I want to go beyond 
your lips
your hips
put away everything
I want to know
you

13 July 2015

13.07.15
Jill Patron Saint of OD’s and 
Runaways 
Heavier than heaven
Lighter than air
still carry you
the first shade
lost innocence
first love death
widower at 
16
forever one
forever separated
occasionally   
I am you 
Waiting for the man 
Going through the ritual 
Until I am closer, to you


09 July 2015

09.07.15
we talk
just
 the   two of us
all the time
then today
the
whisper
turns
to
a scream

08 July 2015

08.07.15
Wary of me
like a skittish colt
smart girl
take my hand
come with
me
I can show the next room
We won’t stay
I know
You
Already
You can’t hide
beat

02 July 2015

02.07.15
You know 
I am 
nearly  human
So 
tonight
while
you’re making 
excuses
she’s
making love 
to me
while 
you’re
not talking
she’s screaming 
my name
while 
you’re sleeping
she’s becoming
my world