Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

24 March 2016

25.01.16-us
music blaring
coffee strong and black
blue dog
in midst of the storm
you came to me
beautiful
strong
sexy
salvation
I realize
We always exist
before
YOU
ME
there
was
US

24.03.16 storms and shades
sharing coffee
loveliest of shades
strong coffee
 strong music 
beast one side
shade on the other
grey morning
lost souls
storms and shades 

23 March 2016

22.03.16-money hungry
she says 
nothing is free 
especially 
me 
you can’t buy 
me
with poetry
who says you can have it all
devushka
she’s
money hungry

22 March 2016

21.03.16-missing
rituals don’t change 
razor 
mirror
chemical Ouija board
calling 
Angelic succubus
heaven 
is
only rumour
hell quite real
lived there for years 
demon
can’t erase
touch her
on this plane
come
here
speaking  in tongues
dreaming
beatifically
she’s
missing

Such an early song-abstract
me fist
into mirror
cracks 
spider webs of 
blood
self-loathing
disgust
despair
a
perfect
abstract

18 March 2016

18.03.16-private hell
I know 
In your eyes
your own
prison
self
recrimination’s
mirror accuses
things 
said
things not 
said
regrets
powerless
to change
a 
arbitrary
situation
no 
time
time
so 
slow
time
so 
fast
greedily
missing  you
when you 
surface
me
or
waiting
if you just need 
company
in 
your private hell

12 March 2016

11.03.16- silver platter
the way
you lick those lips
grind those hips
visions of ectasy
7 veils
a 
prophets head
no worries
I’ll deliver
on
a
Silver platter 

10 March 2016

10.03.16-doll
on a shelf
next to trophy’s
photos
his world
you held him 
in 
your palm
now
on a shelf
doll
escaping 
to me
when
he wearies of his toy
old game
Thought
Mermaid
But
only
doll


08 March 2016

08.03.16-mists
you 
at 
Batcave
dancing
Danceteria
Fashion week
Starwood
having  a drink
the souk
haggling 
On me nod
A beautiful dream
you
disappear
into 
the mists
you
exist
only
in the
mist
between worlds

04 March 2016

04.03.16-dance
I watch her
Aphrodite’s temple dancer
see him
awaiting mercy
in her embrace
salvation
in her eyes
he ‘s
GONE
he gazes
Strung-out
DESIRE
she dances
not to 
some modern deity
but lusty decadent gods
dark rituals
dance calling 
PASSION
FERVOR
SEDUCTION
FERTILITY
TEMPTATION

He watches 
ABSOLOVED
Silent worship
Of 
dancer 
 DANCE

01 March 2016

01.03.16-Summer
summer 
still
legal
you owed 
monkey man
demanded 
BEAUTY
MISTRESS
I
paid
FEAR 
PAIN
You
Stayed 
Wearing only 
bikini bottoms 
little black dresses
drinking only
champagne
coffee
a
perfect 
summer



29 February 2016

29.02.16 desire
can you 
hear me
above the roar
of 
desire
pink spider
sting
heroin, cyanide
weak distillations
not
immune
gets me high too
pink venom
addicting
sweet
coming
down
kicking
a serious 
motherfuck
day’s of rolling pain
trying to score one last 
hit
screaming
desire


29.02.16-Rebel Angels
rolling in
on well oiled hips
Catwalk 
swaggers
vampyres
watch
Practiced blasĂ©’
thirsty
craving 
needing 
one 
fix
of 
rebel Angels

27 February 2016

27.02.16-funeral pyre
glance
SPARK
kiss
FIRE
Sex
EXPLOSION
Now
FUNERAL  PYRE

26 February 2016

26.02.16-I am not there
YOU called
underground 
MY protection
MY devotion
MY passion
You said
I didn’t 
understand 
I
How much
I
 meant
To 
YOU
For
YOU
I understand 
YOU
underground
don’t  call
I am not there

25 February 2016

25.02.16-trip
mad
melancholy
mastermind
mother
vodka drinking
mighty woman
speaking in tongues
speaking in  lispy Spanish
another trip around the sun
you
are
a
mad
lovely
trip 
22.02.16-art
a movie star’s stage
now a studio
images exploding 
created
gestation
processes
histories
masters course
in
life
love
ART 


25.02.16-good times
young incarnations
torn and faded
jean’s
soul’s
sounds
roller skates
3-chord anger
3-chord beauty
practiced distortion
sex 
cigarettes
beer
black tar 
love
Reverbing joy
good times

24 February 2016

24.02.16-Swan
lovely
graceful
knows
Vampyre
shows him
the land
east of the sun,
west of the moon
Masquerading
as  a lady
the grace 
and beauty
wont be obscured
Swan

23 February 2016

23.02.18-designed to kill 
when I see
a kitten 
hit by
errant amazon delivery 
vans
should I 
send a screen shot
or is 
it 
functioning as 
designed
to 
kill

22 February 2016

22.02.16-next room
take me hand
love
I’ll keep you 
on the way 
no, no far
when 
you reach  it
let go
touch it
it will
embrace
you
the 
love
is still
there
waiting
in the next room 

21.02.16-blonde on blonde
We dance
Her, her 
me
Slowly
Feverishly
Blindly
Mindlessly
Passionately
deliciously nuanced
 erotic ballet
sensual mosh pit
blonde on  me
me on blonde
blonde on  blonde


20 February 2016

20.02.16-guided
AWAKE
Pre-dawn dark
GUIDED 
by 
voices
Hunter & Kerouac
Patti
Buk & Burroughs
Lorca
GUIDED 
by
Scent
yours
Still on me 
musky 
sweet
sex and sweet
GUIDED 
By
Dreams
siren’s call

GUIDED

19 February 2016

18.02.16-shame
no
shame
he’s 
can’t
touch 
you like
me
no 
shame 
 you
crave
pain
he
can’t 
fuck
you like
me
no
shame
you
are 
this
game 
no
shame
you’re
escaping boredom
18.02.16-shame
no
shame
he’s 
never 
going 
to touch 
you like
me
no 
shame 
 you
crave
pain
he
can’t 
fuck
you like
me
no
shame
you
are 
this
game 
no
shame

18 February 2016

Wishful thinking-such an early song
Nighttime
finds me
screaming
daytime
finds me
dry
I am
lean
fast
And breezy
By the time I am
25
I’ll die
Wishful thinking?


17 February 2016

16.02.16-hell
yes
Demon
Vampyre
Your love
HELL 
I cannot
bear 
don’t 
care
your fears 
lay down
be here
you 
Sleep
you don’t 
DREAM
kiss you
taste 
HIM
lover
Yours, 
a HELL
I can’t bear
Forget 
Everything
SACRED 
Everything
PROFANE
Everything 
I said
I have
 me own 
HELL 

13 February 2016

Judas Goat
She’s at the end of the bar looking bored, and lonely. Make no mistake this is a dive, and little black dress pumps stand out.  This place isn’t sanitised for your protection not a faux dive in the mall     I walk up to her.
“Fancy a bit of company?” I ask pulling up a stool.
She nods a yes.
“Hello” I say then turn to order Tanqueray tonic, 2 limes squeezes, and what ever she’s drinking.” I turn to her your name is?”
“Holly, and you’re a cocky bastard, are you sure I am not here with, a huge boyfriend?”
“I am Marlowe; you arrived with several friends, not as attractive as you, who one by one disappeared, with men who had come over here.  Leaving you alone, and to me the one eyed monster, if I am wrong fighting a large person not a problem for me.”
“I like the eye patch, how do you know this, I noticed you walking in maybe 5 minutes ago before you came over.
“Holly, I have been around the manor, and around the world.  I earned the scars the eye patch is functional, big boyfriends; not a problem.” I answer.
“What’s your game?“ Holly asks, but she’s not really trying to figure me out.
“You can’t play someone unless they want to be played, I have done the research.”  I answer, watching her flip her long red hair.
“My friend’s played me?” Holly asks.
: You’re the Judas goat.” I answer
“A Judas goat is….”Holly asks.
“The goat you tie to a stake, when hunting tiger. The tiger comes for goat you take your shot. When men came to talk to you they took their shot. Think about this evening, and you might find I am right.”
“I was right you’re a cocky bastard.” Holly commented.
I signal for another round, and take a good look at Holly, a real red head nearly as pale as me, which to say very pale, Green eyes, heartbreaker. “So if nobody shoots the tiger what happens to the Judas goat?” Holly asks with a wary smile.
We have options, 1) the Judas goat is dinner, 2) We take the goat to dinner or my personal favourite E all of the above.” I signal bartender
“Do I get a vote?” Holly asks “ coyly.
“Think about, I’ll close the tab.” I say heading to bar. I get my debit
“Of course come back to Holly, and say, “Let’s roll”
“Cocky bastard.” Holly says zipping up her jacket.
“Let’s discuss in car, we can talk about cabbages and kings, or not all. “ I say. She take’s my arm. I am feeling her strong now, so I kiss her, and there is definitely chemistry.   Holly kisses me pressing against me, a raspy whisper in my ear who’s the tiger now?”
“”You’re going to be fun to play with” I answer.  Holly smiles we walk out to my car.
“I want to be adored comes on as I start car. Holly claps, “You’re too smooth.”
“I have an iPod with 20,000 songs; karma?” I answer.
“You didn’t ask if I have a boyfriend,” Holly said.
“I don’t care, this about me and you, this moment, this place anything else is so much noise; your place?”
“OK Holly said, and starts giving directions. I have a place for tonight.
She puts in the code to get us past gate.  In the lifts, Holly wraps herself around me. By the time we reach the 3rd floor were half undressed. . The fumbling with keys just made things more urgent.
Inside Holly turns on music, and we just go back to ravishing each other.
Holly is passionate, responsive, and creative. In short a great lover.  After I find myself on a sofa I am just staring at her body long lean small firm breasts pierced nipples, legs that went on forever. And a small crimson landing strip.
“Let’s try the bed,” Holly says taking my hand leading me to the bedroom.  I watch her walk gracefully see our clothes scattered on floor. I notice the tattoo on that heart shaped arse, biker ink.  I don’t care her walk is all I am noticing. This is only about this moment, this time nothing before or after matters.
We fall in bed rolling  on each other. She climbs on top facing away. Screaming like a cat in heat, and grinding on me cock to orgasm. She stretches out next to me, and is fast asleep. I get up quietly as possible. Slip into her shower for a quick rinse, I dress in the living room finding my clothes.
I look at her asleep. Tap her “need a ride to your car baby?” I ask softly, as seeing me when you wake up can be disturbing.
“Car’s here code is 1986”a groggy answer.  I pull the covers over her and give her a kiss.
This was a good moment I will tuck it away, and keep it for when I need a little light underground. A wee bit of spring in a long winter.

12 February 2016

.02.16-magazines
I am
Tired
So tired
Of 
Looking 
For you in 
Magazines
Little screens
I know
What’s behind
The “PERFECT”
SMILE
I have 
Seen 
PAIN
LONELY
Toss
Your status
Deny
Those who 
WONT/can’t
See 
YOU
Come 
Underground
Your eyes
know 
Darkness
Not in
magazines

11 February 2016

11.02.16- counterfeit deity’s
go to him
your
 counterfeit deity
Don’t come
back
don’t look
back 
strong 
lusty
demon
destroy
weak
insidious
counterfeit deity’s
priestess
passing fancy
too early
take your
sweet
sweet 
lies
go to 
your 
counterfeit deity




10 February 2016

10.02.16-ashes to ashes
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
chanted
priest 
her  father
handful of dirt
screaming  beneath
me practiced cool
thinking of washing her hair 
holding her face
heaven within reach
 now banished
from heaven 
for eternity

10.02.16-Ash Wednesday -40 days
40 nights

40 days
40 nights
drinking only Tanqueray and quinine 
40 days
40 nights

sniffing only cocaine
40 days
40 nights
with a Danish model
entering Ash Wednesday
emerging from 
Chelsea Hotel
After 
40 days
40 nights
into the diesel fumes staggering toward  
E10th Ave 
After 
40 days
40 nights
pure
in  the 
promised land

07 February 2016

07.02.16-altar
a good
place 
as any
off your knees
lay down 
across
the altar
the ritual
must begin
 me willing 
human 
sacrifice
on 
demon 
altar

04 February 2016

.04.02.16-30 pieces of silver
beauty is  
 a costly thing
it’s charges more interest 
than
loan shark
or even
pay day loan

I’m still paying for the 3 minutes
I was attractive
Your pills, powders, and poison’s 
Can’t hold back  the
Debt
Your soul 
Resents your face 
Body
You resent 
hungry 
envious
eyes 
quietly
violating

destroying
your book
of covers
all smiling 
secretly
sad lonely
 sycophants’
bookers
hookers
agents
 hedge fund  managers
pimps
coke dealers
all
who sold you
for 
30 pieces of silver

03 February 2016

03.02.16-epithany
the blue light flashes
filling the room
exploding in my mind
waiting for a threesome 
of angels dancing 
in a circle
bringing
the holy grail
holding it over the candles
at the altar 
inhaling deeply  of the incense
finally drawing the mixture
and dosing me soul
nodding into epithany



03.02.16-sex and cigarettes
this is 
 what you wanted
what I wanted
what we wanted
last night
so here we are
sharing 
Gitanes
Strong coffee
and a warm 
morning
You belong to another
‘I don’t care
it was
just 
sex
and this
just cigarettes
ain’t bad
sex and cigarettes



03.02.16-sex and cigarettes
this is 
 what you wanted
what I wanted
what we wanted
last night
so here we are
sharing 
Gitanes
Strong coffee
and a warm 
morning
You belong to another
‘I don’t care
it was
just 
sex
and this
just cigarettes
ain’t bad
sex and cigarettes



02 February 2016

02.02.16-ballet
discovered you hitchhiking 
me prendre Ă  son  père
you pleaded
it’s 
 so late
I’ve
Been fighting 
So long
5CC’s to heaven
dance for  me 
Pirouette
Spin the world 
away
in bed
ouverte
sissonne en avant.
dance with me
monster in your bed 
Still  kills the monsters 
Under your bed
And in the 
closets
viola!
I love 
this ballet
of US

01 February 2016

01.02.16-come to me
when everything 
is
dark and cold
come to me
when everything 
is
come to me
when everything 
is
shattered
when everything 
is
come to me
when everything 
is
obscene
come to me
when everything 
and 
everyone
shut off
come to me
when everything 
is
musical
when everything 
is
when everything 
is
magical

come to me

30 January 2016

30.01.16-spirit
too early
Medicating
perdu et c’est pour ça que je suis en retard 
me words come out 
wrong 
you evaporate
I know you
Algiers the souk
London 
China White
By the central bar
Bangkok 
MBK  mall
This morning 
A moment
You exist
In
spirit 
pure 
 spirit

29.01.16-not today
not now
sorry
can’t pretend I’m human
No
Patience
No
Time
All
Civility
Drained
Reflexes 
Fast
Ruthless
Walk on
Not today

29 January 2016

29.01.16-crucified
they’re burying
the golden girl
today
again
every time
the girl
DIES
no fucking reason
there are 
no fucking reasons
ANGRY
Want a target 
SAD
she was so easy to love
the holes in me
arm
trying to
fill hole in
me 
soul
here 
dark
cold
crucified

27 January 2016

27.01.16-shelled
flooded with memories
the pretty 
little girl
blonde flying
eyes smiling
who became 
the beautiful 
accomplished
young woman
GONE
No words
No reasons
Absurdity 
I am 
shelled

26 January 2016

26.01.16-grey mourning
grey morning
black coffee
blue dog
trying hard
to channel
Kerouac
Lorca
Banksy
And
Sid Vicous
Deserted
looking for a muse
she’s lost her shoes
NOT
her poise
NOT
her ecstatic aspect
craving
 medication 
bodily fluids
ritual
golden things
bringing
grey mourning

25 January 2016

25.01.16-dance
underground
always grey 
the colour of my soul
if I had one
join me
share me
poison
I know those vivid blue eyes
Smiling dancing
Making me want to believe
you danced
for me
taking the pain away
just 
Dance
Dance
for joy
Dance 
for love
it’s your
magic
DANCE

24 January 2016

24.01.16-ghost
secrets
defence
guaranteed 
\ you walk by 
just walk 
no nod
no wave
no acknowledgement
no glance back
I will return the favour
demons’
Become
Ghost
Without
Regrets
I am 
ghost




22 January 2016

22.01.16-blue lotus flower
I am screaming 
bike revving 
engine roaring
like madness
carrying you into 
ER
Nuns laying you 
on a gurney
Blue skin
Blonde hair then
crimson blood 
I await
For you to remerge
Out of
Primordial waters
Pristine
blue lotus flower

21 January 2016

21.01.16-hot tramp
Platinum hair, silver tongue stud
Silver lame’ dress 
Metallic stilettos’
haute
hot
the crush
the crowd
her singing along
rebel, rebel
looking 
at each other
primeval contract
a kiss
hot tramp 
love you
so

19 January 2016

19.01.16-book of nods
in the beginning there was junk
and 
it was 
good
one 
is
good
for me art
one 
is 
good
for me
Fading to black
on
me
nod


19.01.16-music box
breasts
golden round crowned in pink
presented to me
like a
 chalice on the altar
to  adore
pirouette turn
arabesque penche
fragrant pink flower
adore
ballerina
spinning
dancing
to music
of us


18 January 2016

18.01.16-intimate
women 
more than you 
can imagine
for a few
hours
a few days
a few
years
you
got to me
you know me better
than the one with her” book”
she showed me her 
covers
you 
showed me 
intimate

16 January 2016

1.01.16-close
I get it
Even scarier up close
a beatific  vision meets
a demonic  
spectre
disaster
and 
ruin
call me
when you
lose your fear’s
find me
beyond
good and evil
beyond 
space and time
asylum 
love
are
close


Dance
Awakening groggy to a warm muggy morning, window open.  Emie lies next to me. I notice a small gold crucifix catches the light between ample breasts, long blonde hair a tan body, which contrasts my Vampyric white.
A warm morning contrasts my thoughts; I remember a flat in Spandau overlooking the Havel freezing in January. Another woman, another time.
I remember last night the call.  First about her husband. I tell her to stop telling me she loves me, and come to me; surprisingly she does.  I need her for a change, and I need contact face to face; not face time.
She’s hard to miss tall, blonde and long strong legs that are the stairway to heaven her Russian accent, as she stalks through the dive towards me.  She stop’s puts her hand on my face, and bends over for a kiss, that’s past “friends.” She met her husband online emails, then; he flew her from St. Petersburg to be installed as fourth wife.
“What’s a matter?” she asks sitting
“I wanted to see you, you’re well?” I answer
“No, he treat me like a maid” Emie answers in a thick Russian accent. Everything she says sounds like, “must get squirrel and moose. I remember conversation is not the point.
” You can stay for a drink?” I ask, already ordering her a vodka martini.

“Da” Emie answers, with a huge smile. She gestures at the Jukebox. I put a few dollars on the table. Emie put’s on “Do you feel like we do.” She was born a decade after it was a hit. She dances gracefully, sensually. I watch, and everything else has just fades away. I feel the dynamic of our friendship shifting as she undulates to the table; I have just gone from confidant to lover. Her walk the way her gaze is taking me in, really seeing me, perhaps for the first time. I half expected this would happen one day. She as called drunk and flat out asked me to fuck her, but I don’t pull drunken birds; especially not a friend.
We’re not friends anymore. This is uncharted territory, and there’s a palpable sense of excitement in the air. When we touch again it is electric.   Conversation has been replaced by staring at each other. Touching, light caressing, and   an understanding, that did not exist a few moments ago. I order another round. She tosses it back on sends several texts quickly.  She leans into me says something in Russian.  I don’t speak Russian, but I know what she means.
I take her by the hand lead her to the car. Inside I light up a spliff, Emie hits it hard passes to me.   She finds classic rock and takes a hazy drive to get a room.  I buy the room with my phone. She undulates to music even in the car.
In the room she finds a music channel, and dances out of her clothes. She must have had training, grand pile, and en pointe all while nude. Sexy, graceful.
In bed she is the Bolshoi in bed.  After our dance I watch her drift off into sleep.
 I watch the morning light dance across her and retreat to brush my teeth and shower. In the shower she joins me, you were going to leave before I was woke, no?”
“No” I answer and kiss her. and savour her taste, touch and feel.
“My husband? “ she asks
“This what you’re going to do its early don’t dry you're her love, don’t put on make-up go home slip into jeans, or shorts you got up early and went for a run.  She smiles at my” practised ruse. As she dries her self I can’t help but watch, graceful strong yet feminine body.
“He…” Emie starts to say.
“Tell me about you, I am tired of talking about him.  “I  said. Cutting  her off
she gives me a hug, and it feels as if we have been dancing for a long time each partner anticipating, reacting to moves fluidly choreographed yet spontaneous. The music has changed, and we will see   where this dance takes us.

.
.
 

15 January 2016

15.01.16 you/ me
you
are me
I am
You
Have you created a life
Where you live
your darkest fantasies 
Have you gained 
all you ever desired
only to lose it, and more
nothing to gain
or 
lose
only when you are this free

can 
you 
be
me

12 January 2016

12.01.16-trust
I don’t trust this
happiness
lucky break
while
mourning
what
cruel trick
loving, sweet
lovely
practised
deception
loving the rush
I  don’t trust


11 January 2016

12.01.16-calling all Angel’s
smoking too many spliff’s
calling all Angel’s 
drinking too much gin
calling all Angel’s
I’ll give you my protection
Calling all Angels
Angels  have deserted underground
Calling all Angels
Je t’adore
N’es pas 
Mon ami
Calling all Angels
Je Je ne t'oublierai jamais
Calling all Angel’s
Why have 
Left
Calling all Angels
My visions 
are
True
Calling ll Angels
I need you
Tonight
Calling all Angels
The blood
Is making roses
In
Me spike
Calling all Angels

Loving the Alien
We had moved in She was a model/actress, and I   was hustler grey marketing German cars, and playing at playing guitar.  “Loving the Alien was one of our song’s. The lyrics “ you'll believe you're loving the alien believing the strangest things, loving the alien”
Our relationship was biased on suspension of disbelief.  The thesis, that, some way it would workout and we would get married, and live stylishly and happily ever after.
Coming home as she was leaving for shoot hearing this song meant coffee was not the only thing being served. We imploded exploded she and “our” girlfriend left one day taking my Bimmer . Still great memories of that song. Thank you, David


09 January 2016

09.01.16 –dogma
nothing is true
everything is  permitted 
recognise
almost
She circles me 
In sky high heels
I watch and circling
predators
In bed
Nothing is true 
everything is  permitted
together 
totality
of 
dreams
hallucinations
visions
creed
for
the
darkness
dogma  for lovers


07 January 2016

07.01.16-weight
deep 
deep
Underground
Something for the pain
Something  for the gloom
3 cc’s to heaven
shades
Surface too bright
HER
HER
THEM
YOU 
too
I always carry
weight

06 January 2016

06.01.16- gone
came 
Mesmerized
By
your dance
hypnotised
By 
Your pussy
Gone
You’re  trying to break 
My heart
Trance 
Broken
Gone
Love
gone



04 January 2016

04.01.6 -lucky
looking 
through
a self-medicated haze
 you were smiling
whispering
you just 
got lucky
I was ravenous
you had been 
locked  away
and forgotten
too long 
run into
the night with me 
SCREAM,
DANCE
JUMP
in 
 bed
Love
You got lucky

02 January 2016

02.01.16 liar
Beautiful liar
Promiscuous promise
Sexy virus
My precious 
Whore
 I get it
I ‘m so flawed 
You manifest 
My touch to 
Alleviate loneliness
I ‘m contaminated
You want protection 
Angels bleed from touch
Strong
Deep
Underground
Sweet lies
 love you
my disease
my illness
I want your 
Deceptions
beautiful liar
I need your 
Degenerate 
devotion