Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

07 November 2015

07.11.15-ghost
I 
was ghost 
before 
I Died 
a number of times
am I haunted 
my shades comfort me
secret to survival
you  cannot 
kill what is dead
a
ghost unseen
prowling
scrutinizing
a spy among 
the 
living
ghost




07.11.15 pink box
telling  me your 
pink box 
is the
stuff of quests
men die
men Kill 
for your 
pink box
I sense 
a
 touch of evil
I should run from 
Yet I run 
to it
demons feed 
on it 

06 November 2015

06.11.15 dreams
you never stopped 
dreaming in
his 
voice
even whilst
held you
your trembling 
and tears 
faded
to find I 
was
just a 
substitute
consolation prize
hating myself 
for 
dreaming
remembering
I am
jaded 
and 
faded
dreams 
turn
to 
ash
dreamers
turn
cynical
This
was
just
a
dream

05 November 2015

05.11.15-penance
every punch I
land
eases 
the pain
and every  punch
I take
lets the 
Pain to the surface
Each needle
Each drink
Pretty bodies
Ease the pain 
you knew
instinctively
And 
For this
I love
you


04 November 2015

Just Be
 You know some people meet at Starbucks’s or a neighbourhood pub.” Blair says gentling chiding me
 “Not us, we’re originals’” I answer, giving the bartender our drink order. The drinks materialise complicated Martini’s, and while this isn’t a craft cocktail lounge by any stretch of imagination we’re good tippers’ she produces a black credit card, and signals for a second round.
 “Love I haven’t even finished this,” I say sipping my Martini
 “I didn’t just walk into this movie,” Blair says laughing. “Still the little mousy one. I don’t get it!” Blair says laughing drinking her martini. She grabs my phone “Looks like 72 hours. I love this; I miss you, that’s all it took?! Tell me about this “big man”, who owns her?”
“I can do better give me my phone,” I answer. I pull up a TED talk, and hand her my phone. "She watches and says 15 years older than you 20 years than her. Less hair, but he’s accomplished and she’s rolling in daddy issues. I have a question, how do you know this? Certainly, she didn’t risk losing you on him?”
I am starting on the second martini. “I have skills” I answer.
Blair laughs, and clap’s her hands’.
 “What’s so funny?” I ask.
 “Nothing I am just picturing calling whatever ex-pat hang-out, and some answering the phone and screaming “A Bloke needs help with info on the Doctor!” them scrambling. “ Blair says with her light high-pitched laugh. Then adds’ don’t actually elucidate me on this, or anything I want to know I shouldn’t OK?”
 “”I promise Disney version. You’re exactly right I called Nigel at the Kings Head in that desert town, Jane knew the punter, and disliked him, so she happily gave me the information. She texted me links.

“I was present for about 3/4 of the scars. I know you better than, your mother; no I don’t sleep well.” I just look at her she dressed for me little black dress, stilettos’. She is always flawless. I am picturing her last week in my bed. Tan, toned, and licentious. Now she’s looking at photos of, “that woman. “Not thrilled with her boob job, and she needs to swim, or do Yoga like I said she’s not your type.””
 “I thought they were real in some sort of push-up,” I answer.
 “Please, you have seen more breasts, than, most gynaecologist. Oh yeah, you haven’t actually tested the goods. These old guys have. “ Blair says. She looks restless, and a bit nervous checking her phone, and touching up make-up.
 “Do you want to grab a bite?” I ask.
 “Not here,” Blair answers empathetically.
 “I sussing that, maybe we need to think about a place. Give me a moment I’ll be right back. I leave her and go to the loo where I can check messages. When. I walk out and Blair is chatting away, with Greek Tina. They give me a conspiratorial glance, as I return.
 Blair takes my hand and we walk to the car and inside asks, “Is Vietnamese good, and who’s Madison?”
“Yes, and friend I had a moment with,”  I answer.
“You know, Greek Tina gave me a blow by blow . You’re famous half the bar watched you two fuck in the back of the truck of some guy named Skinny Kenny, who isn’t skinny.  Apparently, Madison does a mean cowgirl. Lover, you haven’t seen anything yet. I get she’s 26, but I do Bikram yoga an hour 2 day’s a week, and run 3 days a week
I notice we are going to a drive-through Starbuck’s, before I can ask, Blair, says in her best sultry voice “ I don’t need food, and I need sugar and caffeine. I am your lunch.” She says in a low growly tone. She takes the caffeine shake and heads towards her house. A few blocks away from her house we stop and I lay down on the back seat. I stay there until the garage door is down.
I pop up she opens the door. I pull her towards me and kiss her softly, then desperately. I caress her quickly undressing her shimmies the little black dress over her head. and unto the concrete leaving her nude, but for heels. Her body is strong and lean, yet feminine She takes my hand leads to a door where there’s a large bath we walk through a closet then, past a vanity to a large sleigh bed.
 I push her into it and, quickly strip she is on all fours moaning like a cat in heat, with heel’s still on. She’s going for full effect. accentuating her long legs. I grab her by the hips and take her. She is ready and moans and growls as I enter her matching my every move. I caress her and nibble neck. , as I rub her clitoris, and gently pinch her nipples. She starts moving her hips rhythmically she screams a guttural growl. I watch her shudder, and arrive. I push her on her back. I kiss her and feel her sweaty body it feels so natural. We don’t need words touch says everything.  I am happy just being in the moment.
She pulls away, and says, “I am going to get us some Evian, and gets out of bed.  I watch her walk away one the great walks in western civilization, my mind is a perfectly blank, and I am enjoying the sensation.
She returns carrying a frosty liter bottle, I drink deeply. She lies next to me. I look at her body. Put the bottle down, and she wraps around me.
She asks,  “Can you sleepover?”
 “Can we feed my pack tonight, and how will Brad like that?” I answer.
Sure feeding pack, and Brad is out of town she says’ lays her head on my chest and is fast asleep.
I awake and extricate myself from the bed and walk into the shower. I adjust the water I close my eyes and let the water wash over me. I jerk around when Blair joins me. I kiss her, and take her in my arms kissing her. We wash each other wordlessly.  I don’t want to speak I just to be. I get out of the shower, towel off.
 Blair dresses I watch her at the vanity.  Her make-up sponges and brushes in front of her.  I appreciate the skill and care she puts into her appearance.  I climb back into my jeans, a T, a pair of chucks.  I have a much easier routine.   I brush my hair and teeth- I am ready.
“Let's go feed your pack.” Blair says, and I follow her she has jeans, high heeled espadrilles’ and a tight wife-beater. She looks sexy, beautiful, and effortless. In the garage, I lay down in the back seat until we get out of the surveillance zone.
 She asks me to join her upfront.
 “” You can’t do this with anyone else,” Blair says.
“What ride in the front seat.”? I answer laughing. She slaps at me.
“No, just be, as you put it. You need someone like that,” She answers.
“We have a wee bit of history, as I can remember the first time I saw you on the beach in a bikini,” I answer.
“That was Lana, my sister. You, remember her you dated and by a date I mean fucked first.”
“I think the statute of limitation has run on anything I did in my teens has expired,” I answer.
“No, there is a statute of limitations on murder, or  fucking my sister!” Blair says said.  Feigned indignation, and continues, “You don’t want me talking on either subject.”
We pull into my driveway the pack barks a greeting.  I get out Blair follows, me inside. I let the dogs in they swarm her she loves it, and I turn on music. I call the dogs out to the food.
 I come back in Blair is making cocktails. Pull her to me and kiss her hard. “Mon petit chou, let’s go to your place,” I said.”
C’est dans la poche, mon coeur” Blair answers walking to the door.
“Stop!” I said she halts and turns to me “Se dévêtir fille facile.” She smiles and starts a slow strip to “Gods and Monsters” first the top, firm breasts, tight stomach no tan lines. Grinding out of tight jeans, then a black thong again no tan lines blonde landing strip. Long strong legs she folds her clothes and begins a slow walk to her car. I flow that languid walk; my neighbours' are getting a quick glimpse of sex, pure sex a confident experienced woman. We drive her nude to
her house. In the dark, I merely duck into her lap fondling her legs kissing nibbling her thighs and vagina.
Once in the garage, I follow her to the kitchen. “Please, candles, ice, whip cream. “ I ask, and watch her retrieve requested items and we continue to the bedroom. Walking through her closet I recon scarves.  I the bedroom she kneels before me and undoes my jeans taking me into her mouth. I tap her, “bed” and she stands and walks over and pulls the comforter back and lies on the sheets. I tie her to bed and blindfold her. I grab an ice cube starts with her neck down to her breast down to her stomach light a candle let the wax drip on her nipples follow with ice.   I drip wax on her inner thighs again following with, ice. Fondling her clitoris her hips are rhythmically bucking, as she moans, and growls. I untie her and enter her. She wraps legs and arms around convulsing and screaming. I arrive inside her. She embraces me as I lay down lays her head on my chest, and says we have time and goes to sleep.  I slowly get out of bed rinse off. Go to the kitchen; bring a towel around my waist.  I find a litre of Evian, chug it, and sneak back in bed. She finds a spot under my arm, and let my mind go blank, slide into sleep.
I wale up she is on top of me facing away riding me in heels holding her ankles. Blair is giving me the full porn star treatment; moaning and growling. I embrace her nibbling her neck.  Fondling her breast music is blaring “Surrender but don’t give yourself away.” I arrive she slows and stops.
 “So did your teenager top that?” Blair asks.  Standing next to me.
“That was exceptional, for a woman of a certain age,” I say pulling the pillow over me laughing as she punches the pillow
I need to get you home, where is this going Blair asks, ducking into the shower.
I follow her into the shower, and say “Blair how about, as always let’s just be.”
With a wet face, she kisses and holds me and says, “just be, I am so good with that, and us.

















03 November 2015

02.11.15-redemption
she was 
redemption or ruin
In 
heels 
her eyes
 practised in deception 
seduction
I  took drinks over
sealed my fate 
everything ends in death 
or
 disaster
legs wrapped around
 waist
neck
long red nails 
across my back
bodily fluids,
not names
exchanged
exploding across dirty sheets like C-4
a
 cautionary tale
with
no moral
or
point

01 November 2015

01.11.15-veil
neon beer lights
bored bartender
she 
smiles
the veil
thin
tonight
living 
dead
one
not 
drinking 
alone 
shades follow
caressing
comforting 
chatting
veil fiction
veil non-existent
never sure 
what side of that
I belong 



01.11.15 truth on all souls day
TRUTH
it was suicide
TRUTH
I don’t know why
TRUTH
it doesn’t matter
TRUTH
I love you
TRUTH
I am not sure you know
TRUTH
that’s why I’m shelled


31 October 2015

31.10.15 pleasure and pain
I could be Heathcliff 
in ripped jeans
Romeo
in black leather
there is no line between 
Pain 
and 
Pleasure
to you 
they’re one
come 
I will learn to relish 
your tears
I will 
SANCTIFY
You 
In
An  erotic 
Crucifixion
Your
vampyric demon
Like no 
Other
SALVATION 
Through 
pleasure

29 October 2015

30.10.15 shotgun
you left nothing to 
chance 
you were sure
12 gauge 
00 Buckshot 
9 pellets 
each .33
60 grain
1325 fps
point blank
devastating
overkill
you took 
a
shotgun 
to 
my heart
when you 
pulled the trigger

30.10.15 lonely one
she took you
death
me blue-eyed whore
all 
alone
I could’ve 
told you, 
lonely
alone
lifeless
lonely one
on 
lonely highway
alone
your 
last moments
I could’ve
Kissed her for you
lonely one
made 
us
lonely


29.10.15 have we met
have we met?
deja vous
when our eyes meet
accustomed to your voice
at ease next to you
That woman 
E 10th Ave
a fille dans le souk
S-bahn
the tube 
BK Market
opium dream
spirit
apparition
angel on my nod
precognition
have we met ?



28 October 2015

28.10.15 losing
this was always a losing game
it was always going to end this way
I was always going to lose you
you’re WEAK
You were always going to lose yourself
No, I don’t hate you
No, I don't hate him
Your both dong what  
You always do
You were doing what
You do best
BREAK  MY HEART
It’s a losing  game
I could be anyone 
With possible exception 
of 
someone you actually care for
I reckon, that makes 
“us”
fiction 
of 
you  and me
both losers
I hate losing


27 October 2015

27.10.15 bed
peeking at me  
in  bed
sultry eyes
flashing mischief
carnal intent
you took my heart
I am
taking 
YOU
You’re not going anywhere
Breakfast can wait
Just pencil me
In
For 
The rest of your life

26 October 2015

26.10.15 gods and demons
Angel draws closer to me this  Vampyric demon
Running from a cruel, sadistic god
Only  when she is suffering and on the edge of 
Death 
is 
she faithful
Her god is worst than uncaring 
Her god is indifferent
If her god would destroy angels 
This  demon  would teach him how to war
demons are not all that tender


25 October 2015

25.10.15 empty
all my life 
my soul has 
sought 
a thing
I cannot
name
I pour
a
drink
pull
a
bird
add 
pharmaceuticals
its always 
empty

25.10.15 naked
to see you naked
is to elicit  heaven
it’s hard to recall 
love
even 
with 
the scars
but
when you
stand before me
honey eyed, tasting of whiskey, 
heaven
redemption
love
all within reach
I want to go
Down on your soul
Fuck your spirit




24 October 2015

23.10.15 poisoned
he poisoned 
the black swan
without 
her
a demon
cannot  find
the land
east of the sun, 
west of the moon
he poisoned her
because 
he is 
malevolent
poisoned her
because 
he could not 
possess her
body and soul
he poisoned her
because he could not control  
how high and beautifully she flew

he poisoned her
and
roused the demon
he poisoned her
taking 
dark spectre’s light
he poisoned her
he sealed his fate



24.10.15-madness
We must 
be mad
like some cult
I believe 
in YOU
LOVE 
a virus
no
cure
no
hope
still
I embrace 
IT
All night
seeking SALVATION 
In a
KISS
SANCTURY
Between 
Your legs
Madness efiantly
Believing
In
What you
ARE


22 October 2015

22.10.15 magazines’
she’s in magazines’
a freeze frame 
pouty stare
glossy skin
perfect hair
it was
an
dreadful
affair
now
he so cold
and 
she 
been told to go 
this is 
such 
a 
ucking
bore
‘cause 
you seen 
it 
so many times
before 
he’s treating her 
like
a
whore 
at least 
she has the images
of 
before
she’s in  magazines’