Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

19 January 2021

 10,000 Kisses in-19.01.21

ome to me and I’ll set you free -

we’re already 

10,000 kisses in

don’t want

hold you back

 want

to hold  you

your passion, youth and talent

Speedball:Injected mix of heroin & cocaine a speedball

A speedball

hitting centre of me heart.

I go the places  we shared 

hoping you’ll walk in to the vacuum of my stare

backdown?

one way

to love

one way to 

fight

to the 

DEATH

do I feed on your

BEAUTY

YOUTH

your kiss breathed life 

into

the place 

me soul once was

10,000 kisses IN

not looking for an OUT

I am 10,000 Kisses

IN


 







MLK day-18.01.21

woke up loaded my gun

love was gone

no one warned

I am  the chosen one

to shine

EXPLODE

burn bright

in my

sights

can’t

RUN

can’t

HIDE

judgement  day

TODAY

pistol  unloads easy

come

like the

Holy Ghost: Holy Ghost "proceedeth from the Father and the Son".

hit you

like the4 holy Holy Ghost

3 in the face

pray for grace

doctored bullets

ready for a fight

hoping

for peace

on

MLK day


07 January 2021

 Now-o7.01.21

she talks

reward in the sky

if we die

Now: under the present circumstances as a result of something that has recently happened. 2) all we have

all is now

rivers to cross

get over

Desolation: Desolation: state of complete emptiness or destruction

calling the desolation Angels

texting my man

skinny girl

Wants

Answers?

passion?

Release?

love?

to own?

be owned?

tomorrow?

now is fine




02 January 2021

 in her eyes-02.01.21

something

your aspect

something

your touch

something

your art

something

I have always known

your feral vibe

lavicous

  lips

I must still be alive

blood goes in the need

3cc’s of truth

I

have

always

known

who

you are

what

you are

it was in your eyes

connexon: a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else 2) finding another part of self.


Connexon

In her eyes


31 December 2020

 


Beyond reach-31.12.20

western sky

Constellation of the Cowgirl mermaid

She dances on the sands of the Milky Way

myth

a jealous god threw her high in the sky

out of reach

of poets

artist

who sought

her

seduce her


Je ne sais quoi: a quality that cannot be described or named easily 2) muse

je ne sais quoi

commit to paper, canvas, soul

she dances on the sands of the skies

poets watch from underground

stars

beyond reach


22 December 2020

 Seeing  other people-14.12..20


crossfire at the cathedral


old idols tumble

Kinetic: a certain place or area is violent.

Kinetic energy



forever? down underground

always same

death and glory

birth and death

betwixt

absurdity

same candles incense

holy holy

blood communion

rituals

the stigmata of my disease


you’re sex

your sex

it’s/You’re

on fire

me


never live in the future


never live in the past


no eternal reward will forgive you

for wasting NOW

I am seeing

who cares

I am seeing

who my friends are

I am seeing

Visions:; Visions are understood to be the product of God's self-communication.


visions

I am seeing

the feint within the feint


I’m seeing

art

Line of Fire: the expected path of gunfire or a missile

I am seeing

lines of fire.

I am seeing

saints

Sisters of Mercy: a programme for instructing and training poor girls, distributing food and clothing to the needy, and performing other works of mercy. 2) a band

Sisters of Mercy

care for me

don’t worry about me

I am seeing

other people



09 December 2020

 t’s you-08.12.20

It’s not me

Psychosis: mental disorder in which thought, and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality

It’s your psychosis

It’s not me

Paranoia involves intense anxious or fearful feelings and thoughts often related to persecution, threat, or conspiracy

It’s your paranoia

It’s not me

Insecurity: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence 2) needing constant external reassurance

it’s your insecurity

It’s not me

Depression: a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest.

It’s your depression

It’s not me

It’s you


27 November 2020

she’s Mermaid -26.11.20

she’s  

in

room 575

Mermaid Hotel

she won’t like it

pool not ocean

Jonesing: Craving, desire, or need something or someone   jonesing

Premonition of a soul?

the monotony of desert

assaulted blinding sun

she dances in the sand

we should go swimming

Mermaid: a half-human sea creature with the head and trunk of a woman and the tail of a fish comprising  magic

Mermaid


26 November 2020

 as you were-26.11.20

before

I bored you

before

your psychosis

told you it was me

before

I gathered poppies, coca and fled underground

Before

Your madness filled the room

when

you 

were me

 lover

when

you 

were me

muse

As you were: standard military command. It means, literally, "[return] to your previous posture" 2) before you gave into your psychosis

As you were


15 November 2020

 Stranger 


Stranger -14.11.20

Young women don't kiss me goodbye

Existence improbable

There must

Be

some way out

because night 

Random

Soaked 

in 

Gin, smoke and sex 

Stranger sleeps

Name?

It’s all the same

Her body illuminating

the room 

write to it 

her body 

dictates prose

Step outside

 of time and space for 1,000 millennium 

Step back into

 the hellscape

Still nothing  

is

known

Attachment is the source of all suffering.” Buddha

Step out

Find redemption 

in

Stranger: a person whom one does not know or with whom one is not familiar. 2)unusual or surprising in a way that is unsettling or hard to understand.

A 

stranger





 visions-13.11.20

at the intersection

it’s St Jill

forever

beautiful

forever

Attachment is the source of all suffering.” Buddha.

in me

forever

love without exception (holy fucking)

forever


to walking on the roof of the ocean

Visions: is something seen in a dream, trance, or ecstasy 2) enlightenment 

to have visions

to know that

 ALL

Punks

ALL

musician

ALL

artist

in any form

are

Saints

My visions are true


09 November 2020

 Quien es-09.11.20

Existential outlaw

Existential: meaning of Being  2) the difference between being and nothingness.

on the run

reality

controll

illusion

did I

betray her

if so

because

I could

because

she said I would

I am whatever

you say

I am

gliding

betwixt planes

pink spiders

hunt me

some seek to classify me add me to their collection

General Tom Thumb: a dwarf  whose rose to fame as a circus performer

exiled and shunned

from the 3  beer circus

by

General Tom Thumb

too far underground

a drink

loose  exile

a dime

Quien es?-Billy the kid's last words answered by a bullet to the heart 


a knock

Quien es?


 Us-.09.11.20

no

don’t hate

her

no

don’t hate

him

she’s

around

when

he’s

not

around

coming

down

into

my lair

mermaid in a cowboy hat song echoes

There’s

Her

There’s

he

there’s

me

Us:used by a speaker to refer to himself or herself and one or more other people as the object of a verb or preposition. 2) an understanding  betwixt lovers

There’s

No 

us


05 November 2020

 Resonate-05.11.20

Ilsa forever gets


on that

plane

I forever stay

on this

plane

Here words

echo


those

words

those

emotions

aching

like

a new

drug

shelled

engines drown sound

various chemical drown the pain

stiff upper lip

Laszlo is a good person

Abomination in jeans

Abomination: I am a thing that causes disgust or hatred

yet

Resonate: 1) produce or be filled with a deep, full, reverberating sound ((her heartbeat)2) evoke or suggest images, memories, and emotions. 3) an echo in my psyche she causes through words and will

she resonates


27 October 2020

 Haunted-27.10.20

ghosts

living

dead

over

me

like a swarm of flies

walking cemetery

peaceful

the living

envy the dead

grey skies

there’s a scent in the air

don’t trust it

Mercury tipped bullets

mercury tipped bullets: explode on impact.

no mercy

no regrets

not PTSD

reflex

these

won’t be stopped by bullets

need

shaman

not

a

priest

need

a fix

not

a

hug

Haunted: Haunted: to appear habitually as a ghost 2) obsessed by memory or idea

haunted


21 October 2020

 Pieces-21.10.

these are the Pieces of

my poems my art

torn

by

her long red nails

matching

the marks on my back

I know one way to

love

I know one way to

fight

to the death

I have traveled the world

I have been o

holy places

looking for

answers

forgot the questions

Catwalk: a platform extending into an auditorium, along which models walk to display clothes in fashion shows; a runway. a rarefied place to celebrate beauty and style

she walked in with catwalk strut

I knew how this would end

from the beginning

Pieces: a portion of an object or of material, produced by cutting, tearing, or breaking the whole 2) what’s left of something after it’s destroyed

in

pieces


19 October 2020

 In the Mood 

I walk into the designer donut shop and Mackenzie n asks, “Coffee black and hot like your women?” Morgan is the uber cheerful pierced inked clerk sweet and pretty. I have said, that once too many times. I smile and take the cup, wishing I was a younger version of me, but the younger me wouldn’t be caught dead here even if the sweet and pretty girl was given to dark young men with bad habits and scars 

I am looking at the choices something about the fit woman in athleisure wear seems familiar and the mask isn’t helping. I shake the feeling off. There are local art and locally roasted coffee for sale several gyms and yoga studios in the area. She doesn’t stand out just seems familiar, why I am not sure.

I go to the patio and take my red X marked cornerback to the wall clear view of all entrances and exits socially distanced. That woman comes out, and sits directly across from me, her gaze is intense, even 2metres away

“Good Morning,”, I say to pale blue eyes that smile back. There’s a connection.  I pick up my coffee, “Slainte”

   “You don’t remember me, do you? I’ll give you a hint; I only have one of my red Jimmy Choo’s. She said.


Synapses fire, there’s something to micro-dosing I play for time. “Of course, love, of course,” I say laughing I am getting something, and it will be here in a moment.”

I am only giving you one more hint, Carmen.” she said.

It comes back to me in a wave. meeting in the gallery then, a pub, then spontaneous combustion 

“I take it casual sex, is not uncommon for you.”

“Well blue jeans are allowed “I answer 

“That’s clever, now tell me my name.” She says her stare is hard.

“Carmen, but do you know mine?”

“Escamillo” She answers’. I laugh. 

“Why so serious,” I ask. “I think we’re past the small-talk stage. I am cool, I sussed that night I could have been any man. I woke up you were gone. I 

“You woke up before I left, I saw your body go tense. Then feigned sleep. I thought you might call about my pump.”

 “I didn’t get your number, love, and my friends didn’t either.”

“I wasn’t looking to be their wife's sister, and yes I was in the mood even, though I am not sure how you knew” She answers.

  “I could feel tension and heat,” I answer.

 “Am I in a mood now?” she asks 

“Yes, but for something else, not a rematch,” I said. 

“You’re good,” she said.

“My name is Marlowe; would you fancy coffee we can talk about the weather. I reckon if you wanted to put it all behind you wouldn’t stop.”

“I think I am in the mood for some conversation and coffee and moves close in, I in middle of plague pull her in. She’s in the mood and moods pass It’s now or never


18 October 2020

 pork pie hat-17.10.20


dress up

cinema

we are the mods

drinks

dancing

losing

the crowd

finding

each other

finding

me flat

no words

waking

harsh light

cigarette

shower

coffee

dressing

kitchen counter

a pork pie hat

different world

same hat

secret smile

pork pie hat


13 October 2020

 Stolen moments-3.10.20

Stolen: take (another person's property) without permission or legal right and without intending to return it." thieves stole her love”


Whose moments

Are they

Not ours

Are they the others?

We belong to

Ourselves

We belong

To each

Other

How

Moments: a very brief period of time 2) appropriate time for doing something 3) an emotional reaction


Moments

anyone else’s 

keeping them 

from my dead cold fingers

stolen moments


08 October 2020

 chem trails-.08.10.20

the surface so brutal

stay underground

let them die

pursing

swimming pool

this year’s counter tops

athleisure wear

“this weird trick can change your life click here

ritual

as I awake

I am not at peace

I look for muse

Find

Chemtrails on my arm