Wishful thinking-such an early song
Nighttime
finds me
screaming
daytime
finds me
dry
I am
lean
fast
And breezy
By the time I am
25
I’ll die
Wishful thinking?
01 December 2006
11 November 2006
14 October 2006
yet not given charges. I was guilty until proven innocent of a particularly repulsive act. Sexual harassment. My crime ; a joke made 3 months ago. It should be noted my accuser, was not actually there but was” offended.” She saw fit to report us. This woman who smiles to my face prattles on endlessly about her career, her “perfect suburban home, her fabulous career chose to dump her frustrations, which she obviously usually buries in food, on My academic career 2 months before I graduate with a 3.4 and MBA The consequences were in fact opposite, me friends rallied, professors spoke out in my defence. I survived
05 October 2006
vealpen x
Bono 15.02.03-.04.10.06 RIP
Bono a fawn Shar-pei was killed by a speeding SUV today
Nothing Gold can Stay
438
by Robert Frost
1874-1963, written in 1923
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Bono 15.02.03-.04.10.06 RIP
Bono a fawn Shar-pei was killed by a speeding SUV today
Nothing Gold can Stay
438
by Robert Frost
1874-1963, written in 1923
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
21 September 2006
vealpen x
21.09.06
Yes I know what you think of me, you never stop talking
What if in these jeans, as faded as me
I just leave
What if she was to find me; there wisdom, and peace in my needles
There is sanctuary in her eyes
21.09.06
Yes I know what you think of me, you never stop talking
What if in these jeans, as faded as me
I just leave
What if she was to find me; there wisdom, and peace in my needles
There is sanctuary in her eyes
09 September 2006
vealpen x
In India walking barefoot and a digital camera. This is a place of lovely extremes a culture which predates my western frame reference. A land that defeated Alexander the great. Women in saris and Jimmy Choo pumps. mokeys, cobras and sky scrapers I walk with scared cows and drink tea. Silk, Gold and state of the art technology suddenly I am working for the Raj. I am inlove with the stark beauty,the beauty and horror. I actually discuss spirtuality with a hidu priest who very interested in whether Labour can defeat the Tories,after Bair jumping in bed with Bush In am constantly amazed and wander every where looking at everything asking edless questions. I am constantly running into the past and future at once. I am amazed how this changing me,aded euro-trash, ecause lets face it a club,in Berlin isn't very different from one in London , L.A. or in this case Bangalore. Its the motorshaw rides te driver who proudly waits for me without complaint .
In India walking barefoot and a digital camera. This is a place of lovely extremes a culture which predates my western frame reference. A land that defeated Alexander the great. Women in saris and Jimmy Choo pumps. mokeys, cobras and sky scrapers I walk with scared cows and drink tea. Silk, Gold and state of the art technology suddenly I am working for the Raj. I am inlove with the stark beauty,the beauty and horror. I actually discuss spirtuality with a hidu priest who very interested in whether Labour can defeat the Tories,after Bair jumping in bed with Bush In am constantly amazed and wander every where looking at everything asking edless questions. I am constantly running into the past and future at once. I am amazed how this changing me,aded euro-trash, ecause lets face it a club,in Berlin isn't very different from one in London , L.A. or in this case Bangalore. Its the motorshaw rides te driver who proudly waits for me without complaint .
vealpen x
08.09.06
in the bar next to place where my friend dances for men
tarred stain lungs I scream into the night
too stoned to notice
too lost to care
next to the bar where my friend sells herself
a glass of gin, and half a pack of cigarettes
I have become the person
My parents warned me about
08.09.06
in the bar next to place where my friend dances for men
tarred stain lungs I scream into the night
too stoned to notice
too lost to care
next to the bar where my friend sells herself
a glass of gin, and half a pack of cigarettes
I have become the person
My parents warned me about
08 September 2006
vealpen x
08.09.06
in the bar next to place where my friend dances for men
tarred stain lungs I scream into the night
too stoned to notice
too lost to care
next to the bar where my friend sells herself
a glass of gin, and half a pack of cigarettes
I have become the person
My parents warned me about
08.09.06
in the bar next to place where my friend dances for men
tarred stain lungs I scream into the night
too stoned to notice
too lost to care
next to the bar where my friend sells herself
a glass of gin, and half a pack of cigarettes
I have become the person
My parents warned me about
21 April 2006
vealpen x
Jenna 21.04.06
I can’t scream and spin
Like the last one you had
I can’t claim innocence either
Would it be to weird
If I
Just pretended you
Loved me
And
Only me
To pretend
There
Was
We
Not just
You
And
me
Jenna 21.04.06
I can’t scream and spin
Like the last one you had
I can’t claim innocence either
Would it be to weird
If I
Just pretended you
Loved me
And
Only me
To pretend
There
Was
We
Not just
You
And
me
06 March 2006
vealpen x
Blues .03.03.06
ice pick heels
chanel red nails
lips
ice blue eyes, dirty, dirty blonde hair and no hesitation
are you moving for
the kill,
Love?
Blues .03.03.06
ice pick heels
chanel red nails
lips
ice blue eyes, dirty, dirty blonde hair and no hesitation
are you moving for
the kill,
Love?
vealpen x
.03.03.06
ice pick heels
chanel red nails
lips
ice blue eyes, dirty, dirty blonde hair and no hesitation
are you moving for
the kill,
Love?
.03.03.06
ice pick heels
chanel red nails
lips
ice blue eyes, dirty, dirty blonde hair and no hesitation
are you moving for
the kill,
Love?
vealpen x
JB.03.03.06
ice pick heels
red nails
lips
ice blue eyes, dirty, dirty blonde hair and no hesitation
are you moving for
the kill,
Love?
JB.03.03.06
ice pick heels
red nails
lips
ice blue eyes, dirty, dirty blonde hair and no hesitation
are you moving for
the kill,
Love?
vealpen x
. JB 03.03.06
ice pick heels
chanel red nails
lips
ice blue eyes and no hesitation
are you moving for
the kill,
Love?
. JB 03.03.06
ice pick heels
chanel red nails
lips
ice blue eyes and no hesitation
are you moving for
the kill,
Love?
21 January 2006
vealpen x
Now
Bordeaux it’s a balmy night it’s cool enough to wear my blazer Warm enough that I can wear an “ironic’ Tee; ironically I know the band on the tee, The über hip woman who I meet at a downtown café thought this was amusing enough to spend the day with me.
We’re a motley Crewe cliques scattered through out the city centre. I am wandering with Pierre(our cherished Professor) and Wes( a 6’ 4” bloke who has become our mate bonding over pub crawls in Strasbourg & Belgium ), as pass we accumulate more and more people from the class. I am in a crowd yet very much alone enjoying a Gitane; why did I quit smoking? Regina, a gregarious woman with a disarming smile, scream’s,” Lets go dancing!” as we pass nightclubs . “We’re I say following . Inside the music pulses. I go to the bar, leaving Regina at a table enlisting Lance to carry drink’s. I am thankful gin is the same word.
When we return, she has been joined by 2 young French women. They introduce themselves, as Tess, and Eve. I am immediately attracted to Tess, she is blonde , tan with tonnes of thick hair, and pale blue eyes he shade of cloudless skies in some tropical country. She’s pulling this gorgeous mounds of hair up. I run my hand through it, and say, si vous pliez, leave it, your hair and you are beautiful ”
“non, too much”, but no longer trying to put it up. She smiles at me and starts dancing.
The rest of the world has just ceased to exist . and there is no hope for me I am lost in the moment, and happily so. I find myself dancing with her . I put my arm around her and pull her close I want to ask her something. She just starts kissing me.. I am no longer aware of anything else. I realise she is putting my hand on her breast. I am not really sure how long this goes on, as I have given myself over completely to the moment. Regina taps me on the she announces, “ we’re leaving au revoiur.” I kiss Tess goodbye for a few minutes , and her friend Eve who presents me each cheek. I am walking out the door and realise I bloody don’t want to go. I bid Regina and Lance goodbye. I go back to my newly discovered land . I see Regina glare, but I really don’t care.
I go back in she’s swirling gracefully on the dance floor, so free., so uninhibited . It’s as if she totally unencumbered by any preconceptions, no past no future just NOW . I love this women, this manifesto, and loathe everything comes before or after. This is in fact a dialect, a theology, a complete belief system and it is all summed up and encapsulated by the figure of Tess under the lights of dance floor and the way she kisses. It is without reserve, hesitation, and completely unfettered by anything or anyone . Our conversation is limited to next to nothing, my French is nearly nonexistent . Her English I fancy a perfect accent enough so its sultry, not so much, that she sounds like Elmer Fudd.. In the moment she is perfect, beautiful and sexy.
Her friend Eve comes and kisses me on both cheeks and a peck on the lips, and leaves French bloke in tow. I look at Tess and she takes my hand and leads me back to the dance floor . We bounce back and forth the table for drinks and the dance floor. She seems not to notice, that I am a truly awful dancer. She occasionally says something and kisses me for a couple of minutes., then either returns to dancing or disappears, only to return say a few words and kiss me. This continues until the lights come on . She takes me by the hands outside gives me a long kiss and says a few words I understand to mean she’s coming with me., when she takes my arm and laces hers through it, and lays her head on my shoulder I start back to my hotel, conversation is very unnecessary, as well as impractical.. She takes my arm, in gentle gesture, smiles and leans her head on me. NOW is bliss, NOW is quiet contentment, NOW is the only place we want to be. We walk saying nothing in the cool spring night.
I am so grateful, that I don’t have a roommate., and we went to the Tabac, and picked-up a couple of litres of Evian which should be a little under room temperature and a bottle of Medoc . I am thinking nothing else is needed. I am so happy to be here NOW
We enter the hotel she holds me a bit tighter, nervous reflex? I stroke her hand on the lift . She follows me off and down to my room. In front of the door I motion open and follow her in. Tess looks around and sits on the bed in gesture which is so natural it is , as I always known her. NOW is brilliant as she looks shy, wanton and serene simultaneously. I kiss her and keep kissing her as clothes fall away and our bodies start coming together. she wants to turn off the light I want to look at her body so tan , lithe. I want to write sings about IT. NOW is brilliant nothing feels backward or studied, It is just the moment it is just brilliant, NOW I am shedding my own clothes and kissing her exploring this beautiful creature. She is perfect. I am entranced and seized by passion . A million new sensations my mind exploding with possibilities. I am not sure what she is saying, but have no doubt that, I am receiving the message. She strokes me as she helps me undress. NOW is all encompassing, nothing exists but the moment and each other nothing has ever come, before nor after. I amazed no tattoos piercing of genitals she is quite tan everywhere except where a small bikini has shielded a small pale triangle with some blond damp hair . She is not even wearing make-up, yet still even in this unmerciful hotel lights which always seems so ambient on brochures , but when there are poorly thought out combinations of florescent lighting with its yellow death pallor , and search light type trac lighting. her nipples stand erect and she moan softly as I kiss her, caress her, lick her soft salty skin.She moans and says encouraging incomphrensible vaguely pornographic things in French she growls , laughs and moans loudly. I caress her slowly as kiss the inside of her thighs . she tightens her legs around my head and takes me in her mouth. I push her back gently. “Non es por tu.
She relaxs and lays back ” looking at me through half closed eyes as I disappear into her sex . I her breathing go short and shallow her slim hips pulse. She starts screaming and her legs are tight around my head her arms around my legs. Until she releases me only straddle my chest then head . She shudders screams aagain, and then again, Tess covered in presiperation lays on top of me a breathing slowly and finally kissing me. She rolls me on top of her wrapping her legs around me and pulling me into her frantically. Screaming “Je adore’! and some other things, that I can’t understand. But need no translation.
NOW is explosive now is pure pleasure. NOW is pure , and existence onto itself.. .
Now
Bordeaux it’s a balmy night it’s cool enough to wear my blazer Warm enough that I can wear an “ironic’ Tee; ironically I know the band on the tee, The über hip woman who I meet at a downtown café thought this was amusing enough to spend the day with me.
We’re a motley Crewe cliques scattered through out the city centre. I am wandering with Pierre(our cherished Professor) and Wes( a 6’ 4” bloke who has become our mate bonding over pub crawls in Strasbourg & Belgium ), as pass we accumulate more and more people from the class. I am in a crowd yet very much alone enjoying a Gitane; why did I quit smoking? Regina, a gregarious woman with a disarming smile, scream’s,” Lets go dancing!” as we pass nightclubs . “We’re I say following . Inside the music pulses. I go to the bar, leaving Regina at a table enlisting Lance to carry drink’s. I am thankful gin is the same word.
When we return, she has been joined by 2 young French women. They introduce themselves, as Tess, and Eve. I am immediately attracted to Tess, she is blonde , tan with tonnes of thick hair, and pale blue eyes he shade of cloudless skies in some tropical country. She’s pulling this gorgeous mounds of hair up. I run my hand through it, and say, si vous pliez, leave it, your hair and you are beautiful ”
“non, too much”, but no longer trying to put it up. She smiles at me and starts dancing.
The rest of the world has just ceased to exist . and there is no hope for me I am lost in the moment, and happily so. I find myself dancing with her . I put my arm around her and pull her close I want to ask her something. She just starts kissing me.. I am no longer aware of anything else. I realise she is putting my hand on her breast. I am not really sure how long this goes on, as I have given myself over completely to the moment. Regina taps me on the she announces, “ we’re leaving au revoiur.” I kiss Tess goodbye for a few minutes , and her friend Eve who presents me each cheek. I am walking out the door and realise I bloody don’t want to go. I bid Regina and Lance goodbye. I go back to my newly discovered land . I see Regina glare, but I really don’t care.
I go back in she’s swirling gracefully on the dance floor, so free., so uninhibited . It’s as if she totally unencumbered by any preconceptions, no past no future just NOW . I love this women, this manifesto, and loathe everything comes before or after. This is in fact a dialect, a theology, a complete belief system and it is all summed up and encapsulated by the figure of Tess under the lights of dance floor and the way she kisses. It is without reserve, hesitation, and completely unfettered by anything or anyone . Our conversation is limited to next to nothing, my French is nearly nonexistent . Her English I fancy a perfect accent enough so its sultry, not so much, that she sounds like Elmer Fudd.. In the moment she is perfect, beautiful and sexy.
Her friend Eve comes and kisses me on both cheeks and a peck on the lips, and leaves French bloke in tow. I look at Tess and she takes my hand and leads me back to the dance floor . We bounce back and forth the table for drinks and the dance floor. She seems not to notice, that I am a truly awful dancer. She occasionally says something and kisses me for a couple of minutes., then either returns to dancing or disappears, only to return say a few words and kiss me. This continues until the lights come on . She takes me by the hands outside gives me a long kiss and says a few words I understand to mean she’s coming with me., when she takes my arm and laces hers through it, and lays her head on my shoulder I start back to my hotel, conversation is very unnecessary, as well as impractical.. She takes my arm, in gentle gesture, smiles and leans her head on me. NOW is bliss, NOW is quiet contentment, NOW is the only place we want to be. We walk saying nothing in the cool spring night.
I am so grateful, that I don’t have a roommate., and we went to the Tabac, and picked-up a couple of litres of Evian which should be a little under room temperature and a bottle of Medoc . I am thinking nothing else is needed. I am so happy to be here NOW
We enter the hotel she holds me a bit tighter, nervous reflex? I stroke her hand on the lift . She follows me off and down to my room. In front of the door I motion open and follow her in. Tess looks around and sits on the bed in gesture which is so natural it is , as I always known her. NOW is brilliant as she looks shy, wanton and serene simultaneously. I kiss her and keep kissing her as clothes fall away and our bodies start coming together. she wants to turn off the light I want to look at her body so tan , lithe. I want to write sings about IT. NOW is brilliant nothing feels backward or studied, It is just the moment it is just brilliant, NOW I am shedding my own clothes and kissing her exploring this beautiful creature. She is perfect. I am entranced and seized by passion . A million new sensations my mind exploding with possibilities. I am not sure what she is saying, but have no doubt that, I am receiving the message. She strokes me as she helps me undress. NOW is all encompassing, nothing exists but the moment and each other nothing has ever come, before nor after. I amazed no tattoos piercing of genitals she is quite tan everywhere except where a small bikini has shielded a small pale triangle with some blond damp hair . She is not even wearing make-up, yet still even in this unmerciful hotel lights which always seems so ambient on brochures , but when there are poorly thought out combinations of florescent lighting with its yellow death pallor , and search light type trac lighting. her nipples stand erect and she moan softly as I kiss her, caress her, lick her soft salty skin.She moans and says encouraging incomphrensible vaguely pornographic things in French she growls , laughs and moans loudly. I caress her slowly as kiss the inside of her thighs . she tightens her legs around my head and takes me in her mouth. I push her back gently. “Non es por tu.
She relaxs and lays back ” looking at me through half closed eyes as I disappear into her sex . I her breathing go short and shallow her slim hips pulse. She starts screaming and her legs are tight around my head her arms around my legs. Until she releases me only straddle my chest then head . She shudders screams aagain, and then again, Tess covered in presiperation lays on top of me a breathing slowly and finally kissing me. She rolls me on top of her wrapping her legs around me and pulling me into her frantically. Screaming “Je adore’! and some other things, that I can’t understand. But need no translation.
NOW is explosive now is pure pleasure. NOW is pure , and existence onto itself.. .
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