Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

30 November 2015

30.11.15-seraph
some 
say 
she 
was
a warning
some
say
a
sign
some 
prophecy

some 
say
from
heaven
some 
say
Berlin
Think
A pale rose
Kissed by 
African sun
I was 
There
when
She sang
I couldn’t 
Understands
felt it from inside
The skies
Turned to
 Pollock’s 
Convergence
Picasso
Les demoiselles d'avignon
I was told
To
Mobilise
Desolation Angels
To initiate
ritual
spoons
Chalices
I was told
demons, and vampyres
riders 
of
apocalypse
I was told

that
you’re
salvation
I was told
You’re seraph

29 November 2015

29.11.15-magic
you’ve forgotten
and it’s sad
your magic
miraculous
mix 
many gifts
beauty
light
conceiving
old soul
fledgling incarnation
sensual friend
sultry lover
when 
a
callous despot
obscures
radiance
I see it
Your magic

28 November 2015

28.11.15 -dive
Buried in the rain
I light a 
Gitane
Suaza
Straight
White powder on tan breast  
Numb
face
numb 
body
Soul
screams
she
Writhes 

Do you feel
Like we do
I don’t feel

28.11.15- suicide
suicide
I hear 
The shotgun
Smell 
Gunpowder
Taste 
Blood
Feel
Desperation 
feel
Loneliness
Anger
Without focus
Suicide 
Anger
 turned inward
Buried in the
Rain
Angry, sad
Forever ghost
Suicide always 
Haunts


27 November 2015

27.11.13-desolation angels
How many times have I walked these
rainy
cold
dirty
streets
in this ancient
city
a few
fortnights
with
Valkyrie
before
vampyre
a wake  of desolation angels
junk sick
gorgeous
armed
guitars
drums
spikes
voices
anger
look closely
desolation angels
roam



26.11.15 dreams and angels
dreaming
walking
the 
grey 
concrete canyons
of 
Mitte
Me  angel close
Warm 
Her wings holding 
me
Breathing cartoon balloons
Stopping
Coffee
Cocktail
Snog
DREAM
Loving  
Out loud
Me
ANGEL
Is a 
DREAM



25 November 2015

25.11.15-light blue eyes
I look into your light blue eyes
you make  feel so sad
you make feel so glad
lately you just make feel so  me numb
I look into your light blue eyes 
you make feel so dumb
tonight 
you resuscitate me
laying next to me
lying to me
your light blue eyes 
you make me feel so alive




24 November 2015

24.11.15-Words
exploding like a burst from an Uzi
aftershocks’
hang in the air 
now choose
carefully
because
in the end 
the power
to
destroy
is equal
to 
the power 
to
create
your 
words 
will
decide 
what
I
Do
Words are more, than words

24.11.15 rumour’s
take every nasty thing 
you’ve heard
multiply
1010
you’re  
still not close
I am  
The demon
The vampyre
They 
Say
Those who know
Won’t
Or
Can’t say
Your rumours aren’t dark enough

23 November 2015

23.11.15-miracle
paint always on your 
hands 
feet
in your hair
its in your blood
vivid 
colours
passionate
colours
a kiss

an embrace
I realize
Beneath the paint
Vivid
Passionate
Beautiful
miracle

22 November 2015

22.11.15-paint
I awake
Paint 
on me  sheets
on me hands
HER
Me willing prisoner
The  ancient one
Protest
Until 
Silenced
miracle  
with paint
staining
me sheets
me soul
paint




20 November 2015

20.11.15 discarded
born
dots
meant
to
connect
pale blue eyes
your dot
beat to  mine
stronger
as 
one
you
found 
me
discarded
delivered
me 
your dot
called mine
SEX
TRUTH
LOVE
ONE






18 November 2015

18.11.15 holy
Holy holy ecstasy
Holy writhing 
Holy holy
Bed
Holy 
Sacraments
your body s chalice
drunk
it’s sacramental wine
devouring the 
host
that I 
may complete this 
holy 
Communion
with
my 
Holy whore
perfect
immaculate 
grace

17 November 2015

17.11.15 Succubus
underground 
through a gaze filtered 
by gin,  purple smoke
you’re a sirens call
I cannot refuse
all I have
is 
a drink
and smoke
you should be in my 
bed
wanton and shameless
taking and giving  pleasure
dare I presume
love
instead
my bed made up 
in resplendent
clean comfortable smiling like 
a thousand  clowns
secretly sad and empty
missing 
your blue eyes

16 November 2015

Good Morning Good Bye
I awake like Martin Sheen in” Apocalypse Now” staring at the ceiling fan. Wondering where I was, It looks like an inner loop rental. Hardwoods , ancient. The bed is so comfortable I could lay here all day . I need to get out of this bed, but she wrapped around my waist. Long blonde hair across my stomach. I look at her body indeed weapons grade long legs small firm breasts flat stomach leading to a blonde landing strip. An actual natural blonde.   I know she’s a single mother my clothes are laid into a flat bloke. If I lay still she might  not  wake up.
Hazy memories  from last night. The tall, thin, blonde at the bar noticing each other. Noticing each other the ancient contract being invocated. I walked over some wanker who wouldn’t shut the fuck up, then dropping him. Leaving the bar quickly. I will gave to apologise to owner to be let back in. I will work up an act of contrition, “I am sorry, I glassed, that wanker, and promise not to do it again.”  Her place fevered undressing no conversation other than lets try…,  contortions   of petites morts  rolling  across her across her face., some porn star moans. Playing then asleep.
I need to use all my skills to get out of bed. I must get to the bathroom. I slowly slide off the bed onto the floor . I wish I could get my shades from my jacket, it is unreasonably  bright. My head is pounding . I try to quiet as possible brushing my teeth with my finger.
I flush there’s a knock at the door , and she says  Towels under the sink  by, shampoo , soap in the shower,  the way my name is Lyric.”
“Thank you, I am Jay. I am going to pillage your soap and shampoo” I answer I climb into the claw tube and close shower curtain. I get the water right shampooing my hair. I feel something open eyes to see Lyric  in with me.. We wash each other wordlessly, and then towel each other dry. She leads  I go to bedroom I smell coffee. I hold my towel and walk to my clothes. Watching her climb into and hoodie.
I follow her to the table. I  sit and she  goes to counter starts  getting cups
Lyric looks over her shoulder, and says’, “How do you take it?”
“Black and proud”” I answer. I start to rap out a cigarette, and
Lyric said no smoke in here lets go on the porch. I put on shades and follow. Lyric makes small talk. While I smoke. I wait a polite interval, and  say ,”Lyric I have a few things.””
Wait one minute Lyric runs inside comes back.  With a cup hands to me and tucks a slip of [paper into my pocket, and
Says’ “keep the cup” giving me  a small kiss . I walk to my car the number falls’ out. I don’t stop to pick it up.
I get in my car lower window’s and say “Good morning , good bye!” I drive towards my flat, without looking back






15 November 2015

15.11.15- Ride 
you’re not strong enough for 
this
don’t 
come to me 
from the edge 
of 
death
dreaming 
on
his tired old voice
your  slavery 
is not 
freedom
it is 
slavery
weakness 
is just weakness
telling  me you love 
me
begging him
deception
telling me you love 
me
bailing as I bury 
my tovaritch
is
cowardice
telling me you
love me
not acting
weak
que vous me dire
que tu me aimes
penser ce poème est sur vous 
est faible
you’re not strong enough 
for 
this ride



14.11. 15 vandal
in the pub  a mating tango of 
sultry glances breathless whispers
fervent exploration
a kiss that heated up a chilly evening
Scratches down my back
you tagged me
commemorating
a shared night
marking the limits of your territory
I have been attacked
a leggy
love vandal




14 November 2015

14.11.15  ashes
Ashes to ashes 
dust to dust 

hey ignored you in life 
in death 
they 
are erasing you
sticking
in
me 
throat
biting back rage
tossing 
back
gin
feeling you strong
one in 
the 
chamber
on 
the other side
my brother
on the other
side!

13 November 2015

13.11.15under observation
 on refugees
Autistic clowns
Paris is on Fire
Heart sick detox
Heaven and hell
A junkie pagans
Belle de jour OD's
I put needle my neck
Pain bleeds out
Shadows watch every move
Bipolar cyborgs carry the tales
Back to the minders

12 November 2015

13.11.15-moon
staring at the moon
 blowing too much  purple smoke
staring at the moon
too much  gin 
staring at the moon
hating myself
staring at the moon
why did it mean too much to me to mean too little to you
staring at the moon
listening  industrial and blues
too much of this 
too little of you
staring at the moon
stringing together misspelled words
staring at moon
Seeing our  future memories dissolving
Staring at the moon





1.11.15- meditations
I don’t sit cross-legged 
Chanting 
Burning   incense
Anointed in patchouli
Wearing yoga pants
visualize world peace T
Have contemplate
Your pussy
Muse 
on
Your breast
Genuflect
to your 
passions
dream
of coming 
together
meditations’ of 
Love

12.11.15-ritual
the 
ritual 
the
candle 
the
offering
the
body
and 
the blood
music
incense
invocation’s heaven
come to me sweet sweet
shade
Botticelli smile
You’re so light and beautiful
I can carry
you
no
I need to carry
you
Tie off in me teeth 
Speaking in tongues
the ritual
Is to summon 
You sweet
one


12.11.15-cut
casually smashing a
wine glass
in my face
because you heard your master call
love me 
discard me
when your master calls
you met
him
in the desert 
a nameless old man
never once made 
talk
about
who had your trust
who had your  heart  
who  had you in the
 back of gallery
your love 
is no secret in all these 
circles
your love never stops even when your master fails
your love  turns to dust in an old mans cup
now
cut 
I run


10 November 2015

10.11.15 imagine 
let’s stop imagining 
it will 
ruin
us both 
nothing will 
ever 
be the same
it could 
be 
heaven
or 
not
let’s roll the dice 
 let’s stop  imagining


10.11.15 street value 
you give it
AWAY
PURE
UNCUT
mixture 
cooks
I shoot it straight into my neck
instantly in my blood rushing
unknown pleasure’s
visions of heaven 
for this  Vampyric demon 
iIt brings me to my knees
I am
Gone 
Gone
the street value
is 
So 
fucking high
so  am I 




09 November 2015

09.11.15-gone
angel  cries day and night
I am not there
I am
gone
I don’t belong to her
Or
Really anyone
I am not there
I am gone
She calls me
I am not there
Angel is tumbling
down
Forsaken by 
An 
Indifferent god
Angel is falling
Hard
Someone  should
Catch her
I am not there
I am gone


07 November 2015

07.11.15-ghost
was ghost 
before 
I Died 
a number of times
am I haunted 
my shades comfort me
secret to survival
you  cannot 
kill what is dead
a
ghost unseen
prowling
scrutinizing
a spy among 
the 
living
ghost




07.11.15 pink box
telling  me your 
pink box 
is the
stuff of quests
men die
men Kill 
for your 
pink box
I sense 
a
 touch of evil
I should run from 
Yet I run 
to it
demons feed 
on it 

06 November 2015

06.11.15 dreams
you never stopped 
dreaming in
his 
voice
even whilst
held you
your trembling 
and tears 
faded
to find I 
was
just a 
substitute
consolation prize
hating myself 
for 
dreaming
remembering
I am
jaded 
and 
faded
dreams 
turn
to 
ash
dreamers
turn
cynical
This
was
just
a
dream

05 November 2015

05.11.15-penance
every punch I
land
eases 
the pain
and every  punch
I take
lets the 
Pain to the surface
Each needle
Each drink
Pretty bodies
Ease the pain 
you knew
instinctively
And 
For this
I love
you


04 November 2015

Just Be
 You know some people meet at Starbucks’s or a neighbourhood pub.” Blair says gentling chiding me
 “Not us, we’re originals’” I answer, giving the bartender our drink order. The drinks materialise complicated Martini’s, and while this isn’t a craft cocktail lounge by any stretch of imagination we’re good tippers’ she produces a black credit card, and signals for a second round.
 “Love I haven’t even finished this,” I say sipping my Martini
 “I didn’t just walk into this movie,” Blair says laughing. “Still the little mousy one. I don’t get it!” Blair says laughing drinking her martini. She grabs my phone “Looks like 72 hours. I love this; I miss you, that’s all it took?! Tell me about this “big man”, who owns her?”
“I can do better give me my phone,” I answer. I pull up a TED talk, and hand her my phone. "She watches and says 15 years older than you 20 years than her. Less hair, but he’s accomplished and she’s rolling in daddy issues. I have a question, how do you know this? Certainly, she didn’t risk losing you on him?”
I am starting on the second martini. “I have skills” I answer.
Blair laughs, and clap’s her hands’.
 “What’s so funny?” I ask.
 “Nothing I am just picturing calling whatever ex-pat hang-out, and some answering the phone and screaming “A Bloke needs help with info on the Doctor!” them scrambling. “ Blair says with her light high-pitched laugh. Then adds’ don’t actually elucidate me on this, or anything I want to know I shouldn’t OK?”
 “”I promise Disney version. You’re exactly right I called Nigel at the Kings Head in that desert town, Jane knew the punter, and disliked him, so she happily gave me the information. She texted me links.

“I was present for about 3/4 of the scars. I know you better than, your mother; no I don’t sleep well.” I just look at her she dressed for me little black dress, stilettos’. She is always flawless. I am picturing her last week in my bed. Tan, toned, and licentious. Now she’s looking at photos of, “that woman. “Not thrilled with her boob job, and she needs to swim, or do Yoga like I said she’s not your type.””
 “I thought they were real in some sort of push-up,” I answer.
 “Please, you have seen more breasts, than, most gynaecologist. Oh yeah, you haven’t actually tested the goods. These old guys have. “ Blair says. She looks restless, and a bit nervous checking her phone, and touching up make-up.
 “Do you want to grab a bite?” I ask.
 “Not here,” Blair answers empathetically.
 “I sussing that, maybe we need to think about a place. Give me a moment I’ll be right back. I leave her and go to the loo where I can check messages. When. I walk out and Blair is chatting away, with Greek Tina. They give me a conspiratorial glance, as I return.
 Blair takes my hand and we walk to the car and inside asks, “Is Vietnamese good, and who’s Madison?”
“Yes, and friend I had a moment with,”  I answer.
“You know, Greek Tina gave me a blow by blow . You’re famous half the bar watched you two fuck in the back of the truck of some guy named Skinny Kenny, who isn’t skinny.  Apparently, Madison does a mean cowgirl. Lover, you haven’t seen anything yet. I get she’s 26, but I do Bikram yoga an hour 2 day’s a week, and run 3 days a week
I notice we are going to a drive-through Starbuck’s, before I can ask, Blair, says in her best sultry voice “ I don’t need food, and I need sugar and caffeine. I am your lunch.” She says in a low growly tone. She takes the caffeine shake and heads towards her house. A few blocks away from her house we stop and I lay down on the back seat. I stay there until the garage door is down.
I pop up she opens the door. I pull her towards me and kiss her softly, then desperately. I caress her quickly undressing her shimmies the little black dress over her head. and unto the concrete leaving her nude, but for heels. Her body is strong and lean, yet feminine She takes my hand leads to a door where there’s a large bath we walk through a closet then, past a vanity to a large sleigh bed.
 I push her into it and, quickly strip she is on all fours moaning like a cat in heat, with heel’s still on. She’s going for full effect. accentuating her long legs. I grab her by the hips and take her. She is ready and moans and growls as I enter her matching my every move. I caress her and nibble neck. , as I rub her clitoris, and gently pinch her nipples. She starts moving her hips rhythmically she screams a guttural growl. I watch her shudder, and arrive. I push her on her back. I kiss her and feel her sweaty body it feels so natural. We don’t need words touch says everything.  I am happy just being in the moment.
She pulls away, and says, “I am going to get us some Evian, and gets out of bed.  I watch her walk away one the great walks in western civilization, my mind is a perfectly blank, and I am enjoying the sensation.
She returns carrying a frosty liter bottle, I drink deeply. She lies next to me. I look at her body. Put the bottle down, and she wraps around me.
She asks,  “Can you sleepover?”
 “Can we feed my pack tonight, and how will Brad like that?” I answer.
Sure feeding pack, and Brad is out of town she says’ lays her head on my chest and is fast asleep.
I awake and extricate myself from the bed and walk into the shower. I adjust the water I close my eyes and let the water wash over me. I jerk around when Blair joins me. I kiss her, and take her in my arms kissing her. We wash each other wordlessly.  I don’t want to speak I just to be. I get out of the shower, towel off.
 Blair dresses I watch her at the vanity.  Her make-up sponges and brushes in front of her.  I appreciate the skill and care she puts into her appearance.  I climb back into my jeans, a T, a pair of chucks.  I have a much easier routine.   I brush my hair and teeth- I am ready.
“Let's go feed your pack.” Blair says, and I follow her she has jeans, high heeled espadrilles’ and a tight wife-beater. She looks sexy, beautiful, and effortless. In the garage, I lay down in the back seat until we get out of the surveillance zone.
 She asks me to join her upfront.
 “” You can’t do this with anyone else,” Blair says.
“What ride in the front seat.”? I answer laughing. She slaps at me.
“No, just be, as you put it. You need someone like that,” She answers.
“We have a wee bit of history, as I can remember the first time I saw you on the beach in a bikini,” I answer.
“That was Lana, my sister. You, remember her you dated and by a date I mean fucked first.”
“I think the statute of limitation has run on anything I did in my teens has expired,” I answer.
“No, there is a statute of limitations on murder, or  fucking my sister!” Blair says said.  Feigned indignation, and continues, “You don’t want me talking on either subject.”
We pull into my driveway the pack barks a greeting.  I get out Blair follows, me inside. I let the dogs in they swarm her she loves it, and I turn on music. I call the dogs out to the food.
 I come back in Blair is making cocktails. Pull her to me and kiss her hard. “Mon petit chou, let’s go to your place,” I said.”
C’est dans la poche, mon coeur” Blair answers walking to the door.
“Stop!” I said she halts and turns to me “Se dĂ©vĂŞtir fille facile.” She smiles and starts a slow strip to “Gods and Monsters” first the top, firm breasts, tight stomach no tan lines. Grinding out of tight jeans, then a black thong again no tan lines blonde landing strip. Long strong legs she folds her clothes and begins a slow walk to her car. I flow that languid walk; my neighbours' are getting a quick glimpse of sex, pure sex a confident experienced woman. We drive her nude to
her house. In the dark, I merely duck into her lap fondling her legs kissing nibbling her thighs and vagina.
Once in the garage, I follow her to the kitchen. “Please, candles, ice, whip cream. “ I ask, and watch her retrieve requested items and we continue to the bedroom. Walking through her closet I recon scarves.  I the bedroom she kneels before me and undoes my jeans taking me into her mouth. I tap her, “bed” and she stands and walks over and pulls the comforter back and lies on the sheets. I tie her to bed and blindfold her. I grab an ice cube starts with her neck down to her breast down to her stomach light a candle let the wax drip on her nipples follow with ice.   I drip wax on her inner thighs again following with, ice. Fondling her clitoris her hips are rhythmically bucking, as she moans, and growls. I untie her and enter her. She wraps legs and arms around convulsing and screaming. I arrive inside her. She embraces me as I lay down lays her head on my chest, and says we have time and goes to sleep.  I slowly get out of bed rinse off. Go to the kitchen; bring a towel around my waist.  I find a litre of Evian, chug it, and sneak back in bed. She finds a spot under my arm, and let my mind go blank, slide into sleep.
I wale up she is on top of me facing away riding me in heels holding her ankles. Blair is giving me the full porn star treatment; moaning and growling. I embrace her nibbling her neck.  Fondling her breast music is blaring “Surrender but don’t give yourself away.” I arrive she slows and stops.
 “So did your teenager top that?” Blair asks.  Standing next to me.
“That was exceptional, for a woman of a certain age,” I say pulling the pillow over me laughing as she punches the pillow
I need to get you home, where is this going Blair asks, ducking into the shower.
I follow her into the shower, and say “Blair how about, as always let’s just be.”
With a wet face, she kisses and holds me and says, “just be, I am so good with that, and us.

















03 November 2015

02.11.15-redemption
she was 
redemption or ruin
In 
heels 
her eyes
 practised in deception 
seduction
I  took drinks over
sealed my fate 
everything ends in death 
or
 disaster
legs wrapped around
 waist
neck
long red nails 
across my back
bodily fluids,
not names
exchanged
exploding across dirty sheets like C-4
a
 cautionary tale
with
no moral
or
point

01 November 2015

01.11.15-veil
neon beer lights
bored bartender
she 
smiles
the veil
thin
tonight
living 
dead
one
not 
drinking 
alone 
shades follow
caressing
comforting 
chatting
veil fiction
veil non-existent
never sure 
what side of that
I belong 



01.11.15 truth on all souls day
TRUTH
it was suicide
TRUTH
I don’t know why
TRUTH
it doesn’t matter
TRUTH
I love you
TRUTH
I am not sure you know
TRUTH
that’s why I’m shelled