Shelter 31.07.21

she

Needs shelter

doesn’t believe anyone can  help

She’s in so much pain

I look again pale blue eyes

Filling with tears

She doesn’t want me “involved

But I see her fear

She says she will manage

Can’t change the way it feels

I put my arms around  her

Know you want to live’

Can you just forgive yourself

Stand behind me

I’ll take the  hit for you

You’re a woman

I am a man

Lean on me

In have no fear

Stay near

Pale blue eyes fill with tears

I am still here

Shelter: giving temporary protection from bad weather or danger. 2) demon with a hair trigger temper

I am your shelter

 Something  we’re not allowed to feel-30.07.21

Welcome the ordeal

I was 

a

Petite bourgeoisie adventure?

petite bourgeoisie  literally small  is a French term (sometimes derogatory.) 

do you know the pressure?

Off someone who cannot feel

Flames engulfed

us

You said enough

Maybe we’ll see you 

yesterday

You’re

Just something

We’re 

not allowed

Feel: a sensation given by an object or material when touched 2) an emotional state or reaction. 3) something I am not allowed

to 

feel

“ there ain't no cure for love

There Ain’t no cure for Love” in the background air smells of hybrid weed .coffee and whiskey

 

Beat-25.07.21

don’t need you

desire you

The fire calls

reluctant flesh

Spurns

Beat: eat, in music, the basic rhythmic unit of a measure, or bar 2)The Beats: gave conformity the literary middle finger 3) a vibration betwixt 2 people, that makes or breaks  3) tired

-Beat

Word on the street

Your fire gone out

By now

I should

Sussed you out

So many things

We should

Worked out

All the paths from of you are winding

The light house is blinding

2 wounded people

just a few drops of dream left

Beat

All I have

All we have

2a few drops  of dreams

raw

Desire

 Numb-25.07.21

word on the street

fire went  out 

2 wounded people 

few drops of a  dream left

Somewhere 

Tired of being lost

So tired of being alone

Tired of sleeping in  a chair

Tired of trying

Tired of thoughts’ and prayers

Tired of sympathy

Numb: deprived of the power of sensation

numb

 

No life guard on duty-24.07.21

tell you

I am in pain

You don’t care

You say life is a torture  you cannot bear
I tell you give me my life back

I can’t be your wife

I have my own life to

Save: keep safe or rescue (from harm or danger

Save

I am too tired to care

I am too angry to try

I sit in a chair alone

I don’t sleep

Dreams

Where children scream

monsters comeback

You’re not what you seem

Leaving me

Too angry to dream

First you ran to me

NOW

you run from me

You wanted to be by my side

I have my pride

Swallowing a sea of whiskey

A little risky

But I have my own life to

save

There’s no lifeguard on duty

I am too tired

To mad too care

You don’t dare swim

Lifeguard: lifeguard is a rescuer who supervises the safety and rescue of swimmers, surfers 2)helpful, especially at a time of crucial importance.

There’s no lifeguard on duty

The waters are murky

I have my own life to save

 Milady-21.07.21

The night terrors are back

Voice like  single malt neat

Calm in the eye of the storm pale blue eyes filling

Tears she wills away

The monsters

The monsters

Back

In won’t crack

I won’t crack

I am tourist in  her reality,

I am tourist in my own reality

Milady: used  to address or refer to an English noblewoman or great lady 2) She who walks in beauty

Milady

Of beauty

milady

Of love

Milady

Of quiet desperation

Milady

Of my heart

 

Bliss-20.07.21

The roar of my machine

All love lost

Rifles on rock ’N Roll

Conflict zones

Betwixt worlds

Melting realities

Blue bunny coming on strong

Shamans’ potion coursing through my soul

Hitch-hiking pink spider

 pelji me k očetu: emmène-moi à papa

her sign 

says

pelji me k očetu

Where are you going?

I don’t know but it won’t be boring

We got the kingdom, we got the keys

We got the kingdom

We got the night

We don't doubt, we don't take orders

We are chosen

We are travelling

Even 

 Standing still

Destination

Bliss: reach a state of perfect happiness, typically so as to be oblivious of everything else.

 

bliss

 Burying friends-13.07.21

on this day

she turned blue

ascended into heaven

blue Angel

first love

first  death

3 metres from where I

Descended into hell

Here I will dwell forever

Fireworks(early Bastille day?)

Like small weapons fire

not

NATO

Angoise: angoisse, souffrance, supplice anguish

angoisse

So tired of being alone

Light candles 

“the car may  do the wrong thing at the worst time (Tesla warning)

chalice bubbling over sacred candles

 heavy perfume fills the air 

communion fills the spike

Transfiguration : complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state

Transfiguration

Betwixt  worlds

Burying friends

 Mediations on the relentless savage beauty and passions of pink spiders-10.07.21

Ravitch: a comrade former USSR

to Ravitch she commands

 coming on strong

I’m usually not that daring or romantic she says 

Meet me in pale moonlight

By the lighthouse?

Past

means dangerous or unexplored territories, in imitation of a medieval practice of putting illustrations of dragons, sea monsters and other mythological creatures on uncharted areas of maps

Beyond there be dragons

Blue Bunny 

Called in 

 Existential Airstrikes

Absurdist napalm 

Turning everything into flowers and popcorn and unicorns’

Pink spiders 

Stings 

Stings

stings

Sending venom straight 

to 

junk centre  

of 

the soul

upending the order

of 

my heart

 

Echoes-07.07.21

Standing on the beach looking out to sea

Pieces of you in silver serving spoon

Echoes

Remember from dust you came to dust you shall return

Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return(priest in low tones)

Echoes

Love you smochies!

I kiss the fine white ash tasting you

on my lips

one last time

freeing you shell to the wind and the sea

Echoes

Of

YOU

Echoes

Of US

Echoes

Revibrating

Echoes

 Kicking-26.06.21

realised

at start 

how

It ends

you’re 

always

disintegration

China White: a pale, neutral 2) a white powder and the most refined V of skag

China White

dark fantasies

obsessions

made flesh

Kicking: to quitting skag cold turkey, because of the muscle spasms during the first 36 hours

kicking

Cold sweat

Nausea

convulsions

NyQuil: liquid cold medicine 2) chugging a bottle will postpone getting junk sick 

NyQuil, 

tossing her hair 

lick king her lips

walk that makes promises

entering in the vacuum of my gaze

Kicking