Valentine’s Day-14.02.20
You scream
Excommunicated: rarely applied censure 2) “Leave me the fuck alone

St. Valentine is the patron saint of lovers, epileptics, and beekeepers. By some: accounts, St. Valentine was a Roman priest and physician who suffered martyrdom by deception on 14.02.270
Pink Spider
Calls
Southern drawl
Darling
Honey
Yawl
making kitty drool
exile: expelled and barred from one's native country, typically for political or punitive reasons.
Salacious redemption
 Cool southern night
Redemption: refers to the deliverance of Christians from sin

my birthday


Valentine’s Day

waking in Algiers-2102.20

Beur: Arabic slang for European 2) honky 3) Gringo

a Buer in North Africa

FN_FAL for company

FN_FAL; assault rifle 2) cutting edge Belgium technology in the 50’s

sun blazing! pulling on sunglasses

Khalas: Stop in Arabic

Khalas!

looking desperately fora grey ball of opium

lighting a gauloises bruns no filter

to the souk

pain is patient

pain is education

it will begin soon

staggering through souk

Buer clears a path a

sacred cow

leper

Ahmet’s bony hand

opens

a grey ball

le plus

le plus: the best

closes his reptilian hand

étranger he offers

étranger: foreigner

argent

Argent: cash 

hotel I light the ball

waking

in

Algiers

Mind fields-18.02.20

tired of treading carefully in these 

mind fields

pain is 

me

angel says let’s make life

I take lives

I want

Angel

who takes what//I give

I want the Angel 

who takes me higher

I want 

Angel

who stays

when everything 

adds

up to

zero

I want 

 Angel

who calls Saints 

by street names

I want

Angel

who sees my pain

and doesn’t flinch

I want Angel

who makes

me matter

I want Angel

to take me from mind fields 

toxic-12.02.20
of course
yes, grasp
what you assume
not subtle
offending
‘burb
judgments
‘Burb: shorter way of saying "suburb” 2) bourgeoise
kindness deficiency
accusing
Toxic: relating to or caused by poison. “toxic hazards”2) very bad, unpleasant, or harmful.

 toxic

matter-11.02.20

I matter?

it could be some odd hallucination

Hallucination: are vivid, substantial, and are perceived to be located in external objective space. 2)to perceive what is not

everyday

same

her

Words 

like bullets

deep under my skin

Matter: physical substance in general, as distinct from mind and spirit 2) meaning to be found in words or events 3) to make a difference or consequence

I think I used to matter

sometime-06.02.20

such a pain

want someone sometime

baby nobody knew

burnt breakfast

wrapped up in baby

baby  chose a cold and distant god

demon

faded back into the crowd

lost and lonely

words like bullets

tearing my skin

Fade to Black: The fadeout at the end of a film 2)removing yourself

faded to black

gutted

Gutted: take out the intestines and other internal organs of (an animal) before cooking it.2) extremely upset

RAW

Raw: uncooked food 2) red and painful open wound 

baby  tomorrow

baby yesterday

baby sometime

je ne sais quoi-01.02.20

familiar

that gaze

that smile

yet

unknown

don’t want

your name

don’t want

your history

don’t want

tomorrow

just want

NOW

just want

your je ne sais quoi

je ne sais quoi: an indescribable, special distinguishing feature, or to name some unnamable quality 2)unknowable essence

i feel  when we touch

taste it when we kiss

sweet essence

want to  mainline it

Mainline: a chief railroad line.2) injecting into a vein