Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

30 January 2016

30.01.16-spirit
too early
Medicating
perdu et c’est pour ça que je suis en retard 
me words come out 
wrong 
you evaporate
I know you
Algiers the souk
London 
China White
By the central bar
Bangkok 
MBK  mall
This morning 
A moment
You exist
In
spirit 
pure 
 spirit

29.01.16-not today
not now
sorry
can’t pretend I’m human
No
Patience
No
Time
All
Civility
Drained
Reflexes 
Fast
Ruthless
Walk on
Not today

29 January 2016

29.01.16-crucified
they’re burying
the golden girl
today
again
every time
the girl
DIES
no fucking reason
there are 
no fucking reasons
ANGRY
Want a target 
SAD
she was so easy to love
the holes in me
arm
trying to
fill hole in
me 
soul
here 
dark
cold
crucified

27 January 2016

27.01.16-shelled
flooded with memories
the pretty 
little girl
blonde flying
eyes smiling
who became 
the beautiful 
accomplished
young woman
GONE
No words
No reasons
Absurdity 
I am 
shelled

26 January 2016

26.01.16-grey mourning
grey morning
black coffee
blue dog
trying hard
to channel
Kerouac
Lorca
Banksy
And
Sid Vicous
Deserted
looking for a muse
she’s lost her shoes
NOT
her poise
NOT
her ecstatic aspect
craving
 medication 
bodily fluids
ritual
golden things
bringing
grey mourning

25 January 2016

25.01.16-dance
underground
always grey 
the colour of my soul
if I had one
join me
share me
poison
I know those vivid blue eyes
Smiling dancing
Making me want to believe
you danced
for me
taking the pain away
just 
Dance
Dance
for joy
Dance 
for love
it’s your
magic
DANCE

24 January 2016

24.01.16-ghost
secrets
defence
guaranteed 
\ you walk by 
just walk 
no nod
no wave
no acknowledgement
no glance back
I will return the favour
demons’
Become
Ghost
Without
Regrets
I am 
ghost




22 January 2016

22.01.16-blue lotus flower
I am screaming 
bike revving 
engine roaring
like madness
carrying you into 
ER
Nuns laying you 
on a gurney
Blue skin
Blonde hair then
crimson blood 
I await
For you to remerge
Out of
Primordial waters
Pristine
blue lotus flower

21 January 2016

21.01.16-hot tramp
Platinum hair, silver tongue stud
Silver lame’ dress 
Metallic stilettos’
haute
hot
the crush
the crowd
her singing along
rebel, rebel
looking 
at each other
primeval contract
a kiss
hot tramp 
love you
so

19 January 2016

19.01.16-book of nods
in the beginning there was junk
and 
it was 
good
one 
is
good
for me art
one 
is 
good
for me
Fading to black
on
me
nod


19.01.16-music box
breasts
golden round crowned in pink
presented to me
like a
 chalice on the altar
to  adore
pirouette turn
arabesque penche
fragrant pink flower
adore
ballerina
spinning
dancing
to music
of us


18 January 2016

18.01.16-intimate
women 
more than you 
can imagine
for a few
hours
a few days
a few
years
you
got to me
you know me better
than the one with her” book”
she showed me her 
covers
you 
showed me 
intimate

16 January 2016

1.01.16-close
I get it
Even scarier up close
a beatific  vision meets
a demonic  
spectre
disaster
and 
ruin
call me
when you
lose your fear’s
find me
beyond
good and evil
beyond 
space and time
asylum 
love
are
close


Dance
Awakening groggy to a warm muggy morning, window open.  Emie lies next to me. I notice a small gold crucifix catches the light between ample breasts, long blonde hair a tan body, which contrasts my Vampyric white.
A warm morning contrasts my thoughts; I remember a flat in Spandau overlooking the Havel freezing in January. Another woman, another time.
I remember last night the call.  First about her husband. I tell her to stop telling me she loves me, and come to me; surprisingly she does.  I need her for a change, and I need contact face to face; not face time.
She’s hard to miss tall, blonde and long strong legs that are the stairway to heaven her Russian accent, as she stalks through the dive towards me.  She stop’s puts her hand on my face, and bends over for a kiss, that’s past “friends.” She met her husband online emails, then; he flew her from St. Petersburg to be installed as fourth wife.
“What’s a matter?” she asks sitting
“I wanted to see you, you’re well?” I answer
“No, he treat me like a maid” Emie answers in a thick Russian accent. Everything she says sounds like, “must get squirrel and moose. I remember conversation is not the point.
” You can stay for a drink?” I ask, already ordering her a vodka martini.

“Da” Emie answers, with a huge smile. She gestures at the Jukebox. I put a few dollars on the table. Emie put’s on “Do you feel like we do.” She was born a decade after it was a hit. She dances gracefully, sensually. I watch, and everything else has just fades away. I feel the dynamic of our friendship shifting as she undulates to the table; I have just gone from confidant to lover. Her walk the way her gaze is taking me in, really seeing me, perhaps for the first time. I half expected this would happen one day. She as called drunk and flat out asked me to fuck her, but I don’t pull drunken birds; especially not a friend.
We’re not friends anymore. This is uncharted territory, and there’s a palpable sense of excitement in the air. When we touch again it is electric.   Conversation has been replaced by staring at each other. Touching, light caressing, and   an understanding, that did not exist a few moments ago. I order another round. She tosses it back on sends several texts quickly.  She leans into me says something in Russian.  I don’t speak Russian, but I know what she means.
I take her by the hand lead her to the car. Inside I light up a spliff, Emie hits it hard passes to me.   She finds classic rock and takes a hazy drive to get a room.  I buy the room with my phone. She undulates to music even in the car.
In the room she finds a music channel, and dances out of her clothes. She must have had training, grand pile, and en pointe all while nude. Sexy, graceful.
In bed she is the Bolshoi in bed.  After our dance I watch her drift off into sleep.
 I watch the morning light dance across her and retreat to brush my teeth and shower. In the shower she joins me, you were going to leave before I was woke, no?”
“No” I answer and kiss her. and savour her taste, touch and feel.
“My husband? “ she asks
“This what you’re going to do its early don’t dry you're her love, don’t put on make-up go home slip into jeans, or shorts you got up early and went for a run.  She smiles at my” practised ruse. As she dries her self I can’t help but watch, graceful strong yet feminine body.
“He…” Emie starts to say.
“Tell me about you, I am tired of talking about him.  “I  said. Cutting  her off
she gives me a hug, and it feels as if we have been dancing for a long time each partner anticipating, reacting to moves fluidly choreographed yet spontaneous. The music has changed, and we will see   where this dance takes us.

.
.
 

15 January 2016

15.01.16 you/ me
you
are me
I am
You
Have you created a life
Where you live
your darkest fantasies 
Have you gained 
all you ever desired
only to lose it, and more
nothing to gain
or 
lose
only when you are this free

can 
you 
be
me

12 January 2016

12.01.16-trust
I don’t trust this
happiness
lucky break
while
mourning
what
cruel trick
loving, sweet
lovely
practised
deception
loving the rush
I  don’t trust


11 January 2016

12.01.16-calling all Angel’s
smoking too many spliff’s
calling all Angel’s 
drinking too much gin
calling all Angel’s
I’ll give you my protection
Calling all Angels
Angels  have deserted underground
Calling all Angels
Je t’adore
N’es pas 
Mon ami
Calling all Angels
Je Je ne t'oublierai jamais
Calling all Angel’s
Why have 
Left
Calling all Angels
My visions 
are
True
Calling ll Angels
I need you
Tonight
Calling all Angels
The blood
Is making roses
In
Me spike
Calling all Angels

Loving the Alien
We had moved in She was a model/actress, and I   was hustler grey marketing German cars, and playing at playing guitar.  “Loving the Alien was one of our song’s. The lyrics “ you'll believe you're loving the alien believing the strangest things, loving the alien”
Our relationship was biased on suspension of disbelief.  The thesis, that, some way it would workout and we would get married, and live stylishly and happily ever after.
Coming home as she was leaving for shoot hearing this song meant coffee was not the only thing being served. We imploded exploded she and “our” girlfriend left one day taking my Bimmer . Still great memories of that song. Thank you, David


09 January 2016

09.01.16 –dogma
nothing is true
everything is  permitted 
recognise
almost
She circles me 
In sky high heels
I watch and circling
predators
In bed
Nothing is true 
everything is  permitted
together 
totality
of 
dreams
hallucinations
visions
creed
for
the
darkness
dogma  for lovers


07 January 2016

07.01.16-weight
deep 
deep
Underground
Something for the pain
Something  for the gloom
3 cc’s to heaven
shades
Surface too bright
HER
HER
THEM
YOU 
too
I always carry
weight

06 January 2016

06.01.16- gone
came 
Mesmerized
By
your dance
hypnotised
By 
Your pussy
Gone
You’re  trying to break 
My heart
Trance 
Broken
Gone
Love
gone



04 January 2016

04.01.6 -lucky
looking 
through
a self-medicated haze
 you were smiling
whispering
you just 
got lucky
I was ravenous
you had been 
locked  away
and forgotten
too long 
run into
the night with me 
SCREAM,
DANCE
JUMP
in 
 bed
Love
You got lucky

02 January 2016

02.01.16 liar
Beautiful liar
Promiscuous promise
Sexy virus
My precious 
Whore
 I get it
I ‘m so flawed 
You manifest 
My touch to 
Alleviate loneliness
I ‘m contaminated
You want protection 
Angels bleed from touch
Strong
Deep
Underground
Sweet lies
 love you
my disease
my illness
I want your 
Deceptions
beautiful liar
I need your 
Degenerate 
devotion





01 January 2016

I am walking Iggy pup Bleu, and Linda  walks up on us  says “Hipster, I think I understand  Paula’s attraction .”
I thought we were cool, she’s cool,  but we just walk dogs together.”
Linda  continues, “You're the dangerous one in the boy band leather jacket, that used to be black long hair beard”
  I think we  need to start walking a different way

30.12.15- marks
you awoke 
vampyre
with
passion
beauty
a kiss
pulling 
me in
you
when
demon saw 
bruises
misery
marks
awoke
angry
ravenous
now 
you 
return
to a cruel
cold
master
take  the
marks
Scars
I have
take your
Marks
Leave
I’ll 
stay
Be underground
Even 
When 
It’s
Not raining