ruin-31.12.19

Desperation starts

Desperation: state of despair, typically one which results in rash or extreme behaviour 

at dawn

History is made

night

relentless: that does not relent; unyieldingly severe, strict, or harsh; unrelenting 2) harsh morning light 3) pink spiders

rentless light

refuse to

merely exist

Exist:1. to be, or to be real: 2. to live, or to live in difficult conditions 3) absurdity that links being 

pink spider

so sweet

Sweet: pleasant taste characteristic of sugar or honey; not salty, sour, or bitter. 2) generous, kind person

so naive

Naive: showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment 2) denoting art produced in a straightforward style

says

she is me ruin

Ruin: the physical destruction or disintegration of something or the state of disintegrating or being destroyed.

spent too many years

perfecting

ruin

disease

disease: disorder of structure or function in a human, animal 2) carefully curated behaviours' and habits

ruin

so sweet

so sexy

I’ take ruin every time

Rebel Angel-17.12.19
fell from grace
Grace: the free and unmerited favor of God
Down
Down: To be friends with someone or to spend time
underground
down
demon arms
down
twisted
dark
affair
down
taboos
down
Down:  toward, into

 catwalks
down
Down: to the bottom of

 my heart
suddenly
looking
into
her eyes
she went
 into
light
as Angels do
I ran
Down
Down:
knock or bring to the ground

dark
as demons do
Down:  sad or depressed.

down

fade to black-16.12.19
Fade to Black: is the most dramatic transition found on this list. A fade to black is essentially a dissolve in or to black. 2) signaling completion, or end of the narrative.
you found me
I am sussing
in a moment
weakness wants
naturally
vampyric demon
fades away
you’re tired of being
all things
to all people
I am happy
being nothing
to all
no need for dramatic music
no need for explanations
no need for apologies
no need to second guess
no need to look back
I fade to black

going down12.12.19
underground
Underground:the surface of the ground2) secretive  3)outside of  society
come angel
not heaven
not hell
both
low,  nowhere to go
demonic liar
no meetings
just those fallen from grace
Grae: grace is favour, the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God 2) a bartender I knew
in this place
whatever keeps me high
I take
I’ll take you down
when I go numb
fly  with me
might  we
crash together
Crash: collide violently with an obstacle or another 2) falling into bed
going down

Melancholy-06.12.19
Ring-a-ring-a-rosies
A rosy rash, they allege, was a symptom of the plague,
A pocket full of posies
Some diseases require a lifetime to perfect
awaking
Melancholy: a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause 2) also everything imaginable and coming down                                                                                                                                                                          
A pocket full of posies
Posey: small bouquet of flowers, was supposed to help ward it off

Falling
further
ashes ashes we all fall down
falling
Ashes ashes we all fall down’s ashes the burning corpses
underground black
 We all fall down: deaths from the plague 2) when you come down
NyQuil : the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest medicine. 2) last ditch treatment  for being dope sick.

Melancholy

I want the Angel-29.11.19

Angel: The existence of the spiritual, non-corporeal beings that Sacred Scripture usually calls "angels" is a truth of faith 2)) the one that never comes 

I want

the Angel

who 

takes what I give

I want the Angel

who 

takes me higher

I want the Angel

who stays

when everything

adds

up to

zero

I want the Angel

who sees my pain

but doesn’t flinch

Pain: physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury. 2)  fuel for art

I want the Angel

Who knows 

I have the devils blessing

Devils Blessing: a curse, misfortune

I want the Angel 

who will 

Lay with me 

Dream: series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.  2) goals 3) life

And dream

Our father's-11.15

heavy smokers

hard drinkers

combat ribbons

Filthy gorgeous-1.11.19

Wild animal left in the cage for a long while then set free upon me

I will never step away from you

I don't know if this is forever

I don't know if this is for now

All I know 

you’re filthy

You’re gorgeous

Your halo is burning

it’s all saints Day 

Catholics honour all those who have entered heaven. ... All Saints' Day 2) el Día de los 

innnocentes” or the day of the children

Filthy gorgeous

I closer   to heaven

Sacred and profane-31.10.19

She’s all things sacred and profane

Sacred connected with God (or the gods

sacred beauty

I drink to innocence 

I drink to youth

youth that protects her

profane: not holy because unconsecrated, impure, or defiled 

I will

hold  her

when

 she learns the truth

I’ll find a vein

kill the pain

ritual 

sacred 

her dance

profane   

weapons-grade body

fertility rites

surrender

consecrated

Concsrated: to pronounce or make clean, or to dedicate something or someone completely, or to make holy.

Consecrated 

by  

profane 

by

 sacred

idiosyncratic dance-25.10.19

brightly coloured ink

contrasting

peaches and cream skin

She may have been a  product of Collective unconscious

Collective unconscious: the unconscious that part of the mind  memories and impulses common to all mankind

some strange Angel 

pulling me in

my heroine

pulling me in 

like heroin 

Idiosyncratic: a strange or unusual habit, way of behaving, or feature

strange Angel

demonic  vampyre

pulling into

with some strange music 

pulling me in

idiosyncratic dance

revulsion-15.10.19

a call, coffee

you start unpacking all your luggage

for me to carry

not that I am worthy

you explain

detail

medicate

AWAY

demon’s personality?

 hear the

the things

you say

they don’t make sense

not seeing evidence

double-edged stiletto

and a dime bag

betwixt worlds

love lost

revulsion

fills the

space

Give me

valise chuffed

with sorrow and regret

Revulsion: a sense of disgust and loathing

I’ll take

your revulsion

too

bitter truths better

than

sweet lies

revulsion

Wahala 16.01.18-later

I went to sleep to 

your thousand and one  sorrows

awoke  to your troubles

some begged 

some borrowed

some stolen

cured your disease 

perfected my  disease

kept each other secret

you said 

you were  a tattoo 

Tarroo: 1 : a mark, figure, design, or word intentionally fixed or placed  2) a mark on soul akin to a scar

on me soul

no

scabs on me arm

I passed you 

tonight 

at the hotel

where they celebrated you

SO pretty

SO talented

best lay in the city

went to the bar

you were right 

tattoo

Wahala

WAHALA: trouble, annoyance and headache, all rolled into one2) a bit of hart break even though you know better

that man-09.10.19

cowgirl

blames

like all the others

The Others: Men who used her and treated her badly

banality of evil

Banality of evil: Hannah Arendt writhing about Adolf Eichmann

personified

betray her?

because

I could

because

she said I would

because

cowgirls can’t live underground

because

mermaids exist

because

I am that man

I told you not to trust me-07.10.19

losing me

waking in an episode of the prisoner

waking in an episode of the prisoner

The Prisoner is a 1967 British sci—fi ’67-‘68allegorical television series about an unidentified British intelligence agent who is abducted and imprisoned 

in the time of my banishment

3 beer circus

by

General Tom Thumb

General Tom Thumb: a dwarf who rose to fame as a circus performer

leper

Leper: a person suffering from leprosy2))a person who is avoided or rejected by others for moral or social reasons 3) a state of being

flawed

tragically 

absurdly

telling   YOU the truth

don’t trust me

choose me-20.09.19

you’re

dressed to kill

you’re

not protected

this adventure

 Choose your adventure 

Choose Your Own Adventure, is a series of children's game books 2) the choices 

that defines us.

I choose

pink spider in cherry flavored  cyanide lip-gloss

morphine nods

coke binges

deep underground submerged in art and music

eschewing the surface forever

existing in shadows, night and myth

Outside of control

choose   your adventure

choose me

passion

depravity

the absurdity of being

a blue dog 

choose your adventure

Her movie-17.09.19   

Just a bit player

Here

I am  am super villain

A

Main character

main character :character who has a major purpose or role in the plot and/or interacts regularly with main characters.

crucial to the plot not ancillary

FLAWED

tragically?

Tragically flawed:a trait in a character leading to his downfall

intenently?

strategically?

I’ll write  a new script.

dream-16.09.19

Red Queen: he Red Queen: antagonist in the story as she is the queen for the side opposing Alice

Red Queen wants

to know

what no one can

what the Mad Hatter is?

did he love Alice?

did the Queen of Hearts love him?

he love her?

Queen of Hearts who is quick to give death sentence

I just smile

this a dream

they will

forget me

the red  queen

already  has forgotten

Mad Hatter knew

Mad Hatter:  is a seemingly insane gives out riddles and dresses fashionably. 2) He is part of the resistance to bring down the Red Queen's command of Underland(underground) and thus end her bloody rule

It’s all just a dream

St Dymphna -13.09.19

Found my consciousness in a glassine envelope

my soul in blood roses

dancing   in a syringe

Glassine envelope:The preferred packaging envelope for dime bags, also popular with stamp collectors.

shot it into me neck

Rushing: euphoria  when skag reaches the skag centre of your brain/soul.

rushing   riding that white horse

down  from the polar peaks

down te rabbit hole

straight underground

still dropping fast

9th circle

straight to the 9th circle :The Ninth Circle of Hell is a frozen lake 2)the Ninth Circle are people who have betrayed the trust of someone or something close and special.

there 

I will

find her

St Dymphna  tipped me off as she was getting dressed  by the light of a flashing neon light

shouting Vacancy

StDymphna: is the patron saint of the nervous, emotionally disturbed, mentally ill. She was a mystic and had Stigmata

when I find her

I will leave 

there

St Dympna  calls

wounds  

madness 

dance

synchronistically 

Got to 03.09.19

got to take it while it’s hot

she’s a kinky little thing

Got a walk before you run

She’s got a taste

got to love her while it lasts

living fast

Got to take it and run

mannequins riot demanding gentilia 

She ‘s a magazine dream

got to open her up

Got to pull the subscription card from her navel

got to use your teeth

Van Gough’s ear on a key fob

got to live

got to love

mimes scream bomb threats the silence is a roar

Got to feel the angry eyes

Got to be the one who never stays watching

Libretto of desire contain few words, many growls and moans

Libretto: text of an opera or other vocal work.

got to sing

got to scream

got to make love

got to run before the sun

got to see this play out

31.07.17-cherry cyanide-later
Cherry comes
long spindly legs and arms
close around
me
pink spiders
get me
dying  and living reconciled
she follows
underground
far
from
hallowed ground
Hallowed : consider sacred

purity a stranger
to begin
dark
sacraments
my little
human sacrifice
beauty carries
karmic debt
Karmic: Hinduism Buddhism the principle of retributive justice

I ‘m
penance
kisses me
I
savour
the intensity
and
recognise
flavour
cherry cyanide
Cynaide: sodium or potassium cyanide used as a poison

should have known-04.08.19
should have known
brown shirts
Cheetos jesus
coming
Werewolf: Nazi plan, which began development in 1944, to create a resistance force
werewolf’s rising
Nazis
shooting us
should  have known
Can’t run
can’t hide
should have known
it was always
us
or
them

3 children are now orphans after parents killed in El Paso shooting cbs.com
orphans covered in mothers’ blood
should have known
we were always on our own
should have known
I would have to kill

see you-29.07.19
miss
you
horse  born in surf runs
see
you
today
tomorrow
Physical Plane: physical universe, in emanationist metaphysics refers to the visible reality of space and time, energy and matter
see
you

beyond
physical plane
see
you
beyond good and evil
why  are we born screaming
pray screaming
only to
die quietly
see
you
as
you are
see you
as
you where
see you
as
you will be
See  You: way of saying goodbye to someone when you expect to meet them again soon 2) To see definitely another person in the future but no specific date,time and place yet agreed upon. 3) observe someone
see  you

Apollo 11-20,07.19

Little black dress

Blood red lips her tongue circles

Ignition on

her hips keeping the rhythm

Engines on

5

lost in music

4

legs so long

3

take her hand

2

puling her close

1

she motions to the door

We have lift-off

my place

all engines running

I’ll drive

We  cleared the tower

God Speed!

becoming god-1807.19

LOCK AND LOAD

if it  moves

legal target

if it doesn’t move

legal target

we can’t become

god by creating life

we must become 

god

by taking life

door opens opens

into the night sky

mission

become

GOD

Adagio-17.07.19

die

for you

easy done a dozen times

demon

dies 

kills

trying

to

live

for you

Oh, God, give me

 reason to live.

freezing

Freezing: be turned into ice or another solid as a result of extreme cold. 2) treat (someone) with a cold manner

. Come and love me

like you  promised

slow death

don’t shut me out

slowly

Set me free.

Set me free.

need

Rock n’roll

Adagio: 1)Performed with a slow tempo or pace 2)In music, a direction to play at a slow 

tempo

death

via

adagio

misery-10.07.19

Misery: a state full of pain, suffering and usually confusion. unable to take back words. sigh. not necessarily physical or emotional or spiritual. but usually all three 2) a kind of existence

don’t trust happy

Happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment 2) fictional state of being

don’t know what it is

LOVE

an

amputation 

NEED

a sacred fix

Fix: ) To temporarily satisfy an addiction. 2) to repair something that is broken.

want a holy fuck

Holy: edicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose; sacred 2) a thing created by lovers

come to  me

oh fuck!

I  feel!

YOU

oh fuck!

I ge!

YOU

oh fuck !

I love

YOU

torment

torture 

pain

YOU

misery

insomniac

Insomniac: a person who is regularly unable to sleep 2) survival mechanism

sunrise

not at  peace

mad

reflex

anger

melancholy

vampyre in a chair

one in the chamber

firecrackers

small weapons fire

NO

PTSD

PTSD: is a trauma and stress-related disorder that may develop after exposure to an event or ordeal in which death or severe physical harm 

reflex

Reflrx: n action that is performed as a response to a stimulus and without conscious thought. 2) conditioned behaviour 

c 2nothing stays buried forever

NOT bodies

NOT secrets

everything remerges

revolving doors 

pink spiders

dreams

may never come

insomniac

tired of loving blues-01.07.19.

too warm above ground 

a sacred cow  chewing poppies

demons run hot

Angel went cold

tired of loving blues

too dark?

too hot?

tired of loving blues

Crows watch over me

Crow symbol signifies wisdom: a symbol of life magic and mysteries.

strange vibe

dogs catch  the scent

safeties off

one in the chamber

tired of loving blues

arm full  of medicine

tired of loving blues

head full of menace

tired of loving blues

heart full of misery

tired of loving blues

night full of murder

tired of loving blues

Crawl:move forward on the hands and knees or by dragging the body close to the ground 2)behave obsequiously or ingratiatingly in the hope of gaining someone's favour.

back to my demonic liar

need to hold you

outside

dead babies wash ashore

Grandenewyorkktimes.com 26.06.19

crawl to me

Sanctuary: a consecrated place 2)protection or a safe place, especially for someone or something being chased

Angels’ arms and legs  sanctuary

outside

old men throw insults and bombs

Trump’s hawks ramp up campaign to shred last part of Iran nuclear dealpolitico.com 28.06.19

crawl to me

dark sanctuary

crawl to me

we all

crawl

blind

crawl

lost

crawl

ignorant

crawling

to the

divine

Divine: of, from, or godlike or a god

just

crawl

heavens door-

located

ER

free fire zone

needle park

cracketeria

Mexico/US border

misery

pain

hopelessness

outside heavens door

A photo of a man and his 23-month-old daughter who drowned in the Rio Grandenewyorkktimes.com 26.06.19

heavens door

is in hell

Siren-20.06.19

Siren’s call

Siren:  women or winged creatures whose singing lured unwary sailors on to rocks.

 2) prolonged sound as a signal or warning.

waking me

moon barely up

I take her hand

down

underground

kiss

brazen vixen

Vixen: A female fox 2)  woman with a temper

whispering

stay sexy don’t die

10, 000 budist monks self-immolate

lighting  

my Gitane

Revolving door

can’t stay

too dark

maybe

visit 

leaves

taking

 light

Crow 

Crow: The major meaning of this black bird is to be a guide and the Gods' messenger

a message-

visit lay

not stay

too dark

Siren

She-18.06.19

arms outstretched

She

surrender

submission: the act of accepting or yielding

She

taking flight

She

dwarf circus screams adoration

She

blessed among women

She

sexual crucifix

consecrated  to me

Consecrated :having been made or declared sacred 2)becoming the body and blood of Christ.

walking  -03.06.19

best and brightest

not born this pretty

scars tell my history

walking 

study in demonology

sickened

Self-immolation is an act of killing oneself as a sacrifice.

walking past

Self-immolating monks

walking

away

millions cry for

fascism

cruelty

sickening

trained

challenge course

rifle range

Berlin

Alphabet city

you won’t hear me 

you won’t see me

walking 

through wall

walking

on roofs 

of buildings

walking

on roofs of oceans

walking

home 

did you

miss

me?

not knocking

on the door

kicking it in

walking 

in

speaking in tongues-03.06.19

speaking in tongues is a phenomenon in which people speak in languages unknown to them. 2) hysteria in fundamentalist 

screaming opium scarred

you speaking in tongues man?

lungs

secret alphabets

you stare

like

a Olmec head :

Olmec culture thrived along Mexico's Gulf coast from roughly 1200 to 400 B.C. Best known today for their carved colossal heads

I thought

you understood

thought

you simpatica

Simpatica: amable,  amiga

if s  you

Joan  Arc”patronne des soldats et de la France

see Joan

give her my love

I was

mistaken

I was

speaking in tongues

divine beings-02.06.19

Millions of them 2 of us

song plays

Way back machine: a fictional time machine from the segment "Peabody's Improbable History feature of the 1960s cartoon series Rocky and Bullwinkle

Way back machine

pop the clutch

Indulgences: Indulgence is "a way to reduce the amount of punishment one has to undergo for sins-Purgatory

Vatican got shop

buying

indulgences and T-shirts

Two of us entwined

Making heaven on earth

ignoring hell

being us again

Divinity: being having divine attributes, ranking below God but above humans

2 of us crawling to divinity

millions of insects crawl towards oblivion

here

we

are pure

here

we 

are immaculate

Immaculate: free from spot or stain; spotlessly clean: immaculate linen. free from moral blemish free from fault or flaw 2) free from sin Catholic

here

we  are

divine beings

-Summer-27.05.19-later

summer 

Summer: the warmest season of the year 2) an actress/model with a habit

still

legal

you owed 

Monkey man

demanded 

BEAUTY

MISTRESS

Mistress: a woman having an extramarital sexual relationship, especially with a married man. 2) Forced sexual servitude

I

paid

double

triple

FEAR 

PAIN

You

Stayed 

Wearing only 

bikini bottoms 

little black dresses

drinking only

champagne

sniffing

only cocaine

a

perfect 

summer

over her-24.05.19

over: pronouncement of the termination of a relationship 2) moved beyond an event or person

over her

waking

long tousled   hair

long legs

everywhere

Over her

loose exile

poppies

heal and restore

strange games

pink spiders

feral kittens

sacred cows  lead to slaughter

Sacred cow: the Hindus' respect for the cow as a sacred animal 2) something that is often unreasonably immune from criticism or opposition.

over her

under her

flashes

Flashes: Light bright but brief, sudden, or intermittent way 2) memories of an event

Over her

Insolent concubines

Attack

seeing other people

loving each other

Liturgy: form or formulary according to which public religious worship 2) the cannon of lovers’ pleasures

sensual Liturgy

over her

ghost music-04.05.19

ghost music playing

visions of heaven

visions of  St. Jill

Saint Jill patroness of ODs and runaways

space betwixt worlds

so close

evaporates

my hand on your shoulder

only thing keeping me from the other side

ghost music

flowing through me

dancing to

ghost music

heaven a little closer

holding St. Jill

until

space returns

ghost music

in

my heart

in

my soul

ghost music

your eyes-03.05.19

sometimes in your

eyes

the tears of

girl

sometimes in your

eyes

fire of a woman

sometimes in your

eyes

pain

of

girl

sometimes in your

eyes

woman without limits

sometimes in your

eyes

Smoke: the visible vapour and gases given off by a burning or smouldering substance

the smoke that envelopes’ us

sometimes in your

eyes

smoke and love

sometimes-23.04.19

i think

I had value

sometimes

I think

i mattered

sometimes

i think

there’s purpose

sometimes

i think

it doesn’t  matter

some times

i am  sure

i am worthless

sometimes

i am sure

i never made a difference

sometimes

i am sure

i am worthless

sometimes

i am sure

i am absurd

sometimes

i am sure  existence is pain

sometimes

i pour a drink put on music

sometimes that’s enough

moments-18.04.19 

that moment

Moment: a minute portion or point of time)2 an inconsequential event

Angel hitchhiking

me fleeing crossfire at mass

snipers  in bars

Angel fleeing

cold and distant

God

me

her tour guide in  hell

best

places

assured

demonic

pleasures

demonic

protections

wrapping

arms

wings

legs

around me

50,000 moments later

waking

stray feathers

fluttering wings

paint on sheets

Angel

gone

she has

her

moments

her crowd

I have

hell

at the moment 

FIX-17.04.19

Fix: a dose of a narcotic drug to which one is addicted

Now

NEED

my shades haunting beauty

desolation angels beatific horror

Beatific: A person possessing the beatific vision reaches, as a member of redeemed humanity in the communion of saints

Fix

anything

Something

STRONG

something

Pull me up

spiralling

down and it's low

low

i need to fix

Fix: a measure taken to resolve a problem or correct a mistake; a solution or remedy.

Fix ME!

Numb-15.04.19

can’t explain

this  feeling

of not feeling

numb

sad

mad

Numb:  unable to feel anything in a particular part of your body  2) 

deprived of sensation, without feeling, deadened

numb

Dame ‘saved from total destruction,’ French fire official says, after blaze ravages 

cathedral bbc.co.uk 15.04.19

can’t kill 

What’s dead

can't hurt 

what’s numb

numb

Grace-07.04.19

Stage

Buddy Holly reincarnated

crowd

cathedral of scars

Cathedral: the principal church of a diocese, with which the bishop is officially associated

church of sorrow and joy

clinging to each other

praying in 3 chords 4/4 time

dancing for redemption

sweating out petite salvation

holy hugs

Grace: the free and unmerited favour of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

the state of Grace obtained

blood simple 05.04.19

Blood simple: a state of mind  where  debt must be paid for in blood

my heart on the sleeve of  a black leather jacket

I will wear my heart upon my sleeve For daws to peck at. -Othello Shakespeare

a feast for crows

The sacred bird of  Ghost Dance was the crow.

pistol in my belt

switchblade in boot

blood simple

Angie gutted -04.04.19

the day

Dr King was murdered

I hear you died.

My beautiful friend

so full of life

gutted

I’ll never

hear your voice

I’ll never

see your face

I’ll never

forget you

I’ll never

have the right words

gutted

Angie went to the next room today

gutted

SHE-26.03.19

SHE needed this 

Beautiful day for sad things

SHE needed YOU

no longer hidden

SHE

our  blood

SHE

our connexion

SHE

gave us 

genetic  memories

of

conquistadores’

of

revolutionaries’

SHE

cries

prays

mourns

I feel YOU

SHE

accepts 

Iron and  blood

SHE said goodbye

today

polar.04.19

Polar:relating to the North or South Pole

Nothing

Right

Bright

Thought

You

could warm

Wrong

Dry mouth

dilaudid : Hydromorphone is more potent than morphine

freeze

go

polar

ice

protects  

a soul

psychomancy-27.03.19

sacrament 

BEGINS!

Sacrement: a religious ceremony or ritual regarded as imparting divine grace, such as baptism, the Eucharist  -in Catholic  and Orthodox religion penance and the anointing of the sick

(Catholic and many Orthodox Churches)

mixing sacred powders

lighting candles

seeking the divine

seeking enlightenment

seeking revelation

the only way

I know

injecting

magic

knowledge

absolution

the holy sacrament

of

psychomancy

psychomancy. a form of communication with the spirits of the dead. communication between souls or with the spirit world. 2) when the line betweens worlds fades

 clarity-12.03.19

searching for clarity

purple dragon

fly’s by

don’t see the purple ones  much

I walk in grey soup

thinking of a different

place

a different

time

the fog here

obscured

Obscured: keep from being seen; conceal

ancient roads

the one waits   in the next plane

pointing at her watch

I am late

searching 

a

sister of mercy 

Sisters of Mercy are Roman Catholic women of faith who commit to serve God & serving those in need.

give us

a drink

give us

a spliff

give us

comfort

0300

I must leave

clarity

the next plane  waits

just not tonight

Clarity: the quality of being coherent and intelligible

Clarity

Secret Agent Man-07.03.15-later

I kept your secrets, and then I keep them now

Secret: not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others

I loved you, and then I love you now

No, he doesn’t need to know

Not about where you danced, that you danced

Your girlfriend, our girlfriend

I see you

I taste your kiss

Her kiss 

Vodka and Gitaines

I hear loud angry music

screams

secret pleasures

secret habits

secret loves

And I nod and keep walking

A stranger pretending

Your secrets

Safe

Secret Agent:  a person who carries on espionage or similar work of a secret nature 2) keeps your past, in the past.3) the one you never claim

Secret Agent

Yesterday -07.03.19

I was a young man

yesterday

Yesterday: the day before today 2) an existential space where our love waits. 3) neither leaving, nor gone

strong attractive

yesterday

I  had value

yesterday

this place had light

yesterday

there was joy

yesterday

dreamed

the  castle

built

in the

sand

yesterday

you

danced

Venus

dancing

on a

aphrodisiac

Aphrodisiac: a food, drink, or drug that stimulates sexual desire

yesterday

you were light 

to

 this darkness

yesterday

haunts

today

Mardi Gras-05.03.19

Mardi Gras technically refers Fat Tuesday. The Tuesday before  Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.

Angel  only artist  on mars

I poet laureate of hell

Angel’s cries

reached

deep

underground

demon

Angel 

in

loneliness

sinned

in Angel’s sin 

benediction

fled to

a

cold 

distant 

god

of

desert and sleep

demon

waking 

to  

Ash Wednesday

Lent: begins on Ash Wednesday and ends approximately six weeks later, before 

Easter Lent is is a season of reflection and fasting.

lent

has began

Easter  may never come

just -28.02.19

remember

how we met

me too

just

seems

we’ve always

just

known

each other

just

us

just

years

miles

just

fade

just

talk

just

secrets

just

dreams

just

ghost’s we love

scars

stars

you loved me better

than 

the

bitches

I loved you better

than

the

just

you

greedy girl

just

me

you and me

Home03.03.15(later)

Home is

Home: relating to the place where one lives2) a mythical  place where you belong

cluster phobic

Let's go to your Place

Home is

always screaming

go to your place

Home is

Sticking in my throat

Let's go to your place

Home is

Standing on Me tits

Let's

Go to your place

Home is

Angrily accusing

Let's

Go to your place

Home is

Quietly loathing me

Let's go to your place

Love

woman child -14.02.19

blue hallucinations

Hallucinations: perception of things not present. Visions glimpses’ of truths

pink premonitions 

Premonition: a strong feeling that something is about to happen

haze underground

drinking deep

of

reluctant  girl

of  

 raging woman

2dragons mate midair

Hypnotized

by

Hypnotized: a trance like state 2)  an altered  state of consciousness

surrender in your eyes

by

you evaporating

walking

walking

in the rain

Trump crosses the Rubicon

chasing  

what we lost

Rubicon river an event in 49 BC that which ultimately led to Caesar becoming dictator 2)  death of the republic

chasing

dragons

chasing

memories

chasing

what  was

chasing

a scared child

chasing

my woman

chasing

woman child

 explosions 16.02.19

not my type

she was

like

that game

Forward Firebase Julie

flash bang

Flash Bang :stun grenade at close range can permanently  affect hearing ,sight, and scaring.

a lit cigarette

a rubber band

holds the spoon

Spoon: safety lever while  held  tightly grenade  will not explode.

pin on the table

who reaches for it?

who watches  it explode

the explosion

reach

for her

or 

watch her explode

Venom-23.01.19
Beauty
stings
pink spider
crazy
sexy
cool
Gauguin paints a flower behind her ear
outrageous cyborgs dancing
A poisonous substance secreted by animals such as snakes, spiders, and scorpions 2) a hallucinogenic
pink spider venom
surging
in
my
veins
in
my
brain
in
my
conscious
Hallucinations and premonitions
visions
venom
sweet
venom

That night-31.01.19

that night

Insomniac

Insomniac: person who is unable to sleep

That night

I asked hard questions of the night

That night

Smoked too many cigarettes

That night

Too much gin

That night

darker 

That night 

Shot a dime bag

Shot:  an injection

Dime Bag: a specified amount  of drugs for an exact price

That night

that night

we didn't sleep together .

haunted-28.01.19 

heard

it 

in 

her 

sighs

felt

 it

in

her 

thighs

it was

love

Love: an intense feeling of deep affection 2) a popular delusional state of dysfunction3)the only strategy for survival

just love

can’t give

it

away

no life here

Haunted: 1) frequented by a ghost 2) having or showing signs of mental anguish or torment

Haunted

rusty cage-09.01.18

trapped in a rusty cage

littered

love letters

yellowing

like

fresh black eyes

I pray to Sisyphus

Sisyphus: absurdist messiah 2) condemned eternally to roll a heavy rock up a hill in Hades only to have it roll down again as it reaches the top

you’re just

a story I tell myself

Confucius playing grand assassin's creed

you’re just

a game I can’t win

you’re just proof

nothing matters

You’re  just

a

a rusty cage