sometimes-23.04.19

i think

I had value

sometimes

I think

i mattered

sometimes

i think

there’s purpose

sometimes

i think

it doesn’t  matter

some times

i am  sure

i am worthless

sometimes

i am sure

i never made a difference

sometimes

i am sure

i am worthless

sometimes

i am sure

i am absurd

sometimes

i am sure  existence is pain

sometimes

i pour a drink put on music

sometimes that’s enough

moments-18.04.19 

that moment

Moment: a minute portion or point of time)2 an inconsequential event

Angel hitchhiking

me fleeing crossfire at mass

snipers  in bars

Angel fleeing

cold and distant

God

me

her tour guide in  hell

best

places

assured

demonic

pleasures

demonic

protections

wrapping

arms

wings

legs

around me

50,000 moments later

waking

stray feathers

fluttering wings

paint on sheets

Angel

gone

she has

her

moments

her crowd

I have

hell

at the moment 

FIX-17.04.19

Fix: a dose of a narcotic drug to which one is addicted

Now

NEED

my shades haunting beauty

desolation angels beatific horror

Beatific: A person possessing the beatific vision reaches, as a member of redeemed humanity in the communion of saints

Fix

anything

Something

STRONG

something

Pull me up

spiralling

down and it's low

low

i need to fix

Fix: a measure taken to resolve a problem or correct a mistake; a solution or remedy.

Fix ME!

Numb-15.04.19

can’t explain

this  feeling

of not feeling

numb

sad

mad

Numb:  unable to feel anything in a particular part of your body  2) 

deprived of sensation, without feeling, deadened

numb

Dame ‘saved from total destruction,’ French fire official says, after blaze ravages 

cathedral bbc.co.uk 15.04.19

can’t kill 

What’s dead

can't hurt 

what’s numb

numb

Grace-07.04.19

Stage

Buddy Holly reincarnated

crowd

cathedral of scars

Cathedral: the principal church of a diocese, with which the bishop is officially associated

church of sorrow and joy

clinging to each other

praying in 3 chords 4/4 time

dancing for redemption

sweating out petite salvation

holy hugs

Grace: the free and unmerited favour of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

the state of Grace obtained

blood simple 05.04.19

Blood simple: a state of mind  where  debt must be paid for in blood

my heart on the sleeve of  a black leather jacket

I will wear my heart upon my sleeve For daws to peck at. -Othello Shakespeare

a feast for crows

The sacred bird of  Ghost Dance was the crow.

pistol in my belt

switchblade in boot

blood simple

Angie gutted -04.04.19

the day

Dr King was murdered

I hear you died.

My beautiful friend

so full of life

gutted

I’ll never

hear your voice

I’ll never

see your face

I’ll never

forget you

I’ll never

have the right words

gutted

Angie went to the next room today

gutted

SHE-26.03.19

SHE needed this 

Beautiful day for sad things

SHE needed YOU

no longer hidden

SHE

our  blood

SHE

our connexion

SHE

gave us 

genetic  memories

of

conquistadores’

of

revolutionaries’

SHE

cries

prays

mourns

I feel YOU

SHE

accepts 

Iron and  blood

SHE said goodbye

today

polar.04.19

Polar:relating to the North or South Pole

Nothing

Right

Bright

Thought

You

could warm

Wrong

Dry mouth

dilaudid : Hydromorphone is more potent than morphine

freeze

go

polar

ice

protects  

a soul