ruin-31.12.19

Desperation starts

Desperation: state of despair, typically one which results in rash or extreme behaviour 

at dawn

History is made

night

relentless: that does not relent; unyieldingly severe, strict, or harsh; unrelenting 2) harsh morning light 3) pink spiders

rentless light

refuse to

merely exist

Exist:1. to be, or to be real: 2. to live, or to live in difficult conditions 3) absurdity that links being 

pink spider

so sweet

Sweet: pleasant taste characteristic of sugar or honey; not salty, sour, or bitter. 2) generous, kind person

so naive

Naive: showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment 2) denoting art produced in a straightforward style

says

she is me ruin

Ruin: the physical destruction or disintegration of something or the state of disintegrating or being destroyed.

spent too many years

perfecting

ruin

disease

disease: disorder of structure or function in a human, animal 2) carefully curated behaviours' and habits

ruin

so sweet

so sexy

I’ take ruin every time

Rebel Angel-17.12.19
fell from grace
Grace: the free and unmerited favor of God
Down
Down: To be friends with someone or to spend time
underground
down
demon arms
down
twisted
dark
affair
down
taboos
down
Down:  toward, into

 catwalks
down
Down: to the bottom of

 my heart
suddenly
looking
into
her eyes
she went
 into
light
as Angels do
I ran
Down
Down:
knock or bring to the ground

dark
as demons do
Down:  sad or depressed.

down

fade to black-16.12.19
Fade to Black: is the most dramatic transition found on this list. A fade to black is essentially a dissolve in or to black. 2) signaling completion, or end of the narrative.
you found me
I am sussing
in a moment
weakness wants
naturally
vampyric demon
fades away
you’re tired of being
all things
to all people
I am happy
being nothing
to all
no need for dramatic music
no need for explanations
no need for apologies
no need to second guess
no need to look back
I fade to black

going down12.12.19
underground
Underground:the surface of the ground2) secretive  3)outside of  society
come angel
not heaven
not hell
both
low,  nowhere to go
demonic liar
no meetings
just those fallen from grace
Grae: grace is favour, the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God 2) a bartender I knew
in this place
whatever keeps me high
I take
I’ll take you down
when I go numb
fly  with me
might  we
crash together
Crash: collide violently with an obstacle or another 2) falling into bed
going down

Melancholy-06.12.19
Ring-a-ring-a-rosies
A rosy rash, they allege, was a symptom of the plague,
A pocket full of posies
Some diseases require a lifetime to perfect
awaking
Melancholy: a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause 2) also everything imaginable and coming down                                                                                                                                                                          
A pocket full of posies
Posey: small bouquet of flowers, was supposed to help ward it off

Falling
further
ashes ashes we all fall down
falling
Ashes ashes we all fall down’s ashes the burning corpses
underground black
 We all fall down: deaths from the plague 2) when you come down
NyQuil : the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest medicine. 2) last ditch treatment  for being dope sick.

Melancholy

I want the Angel-29.11.19

Angel: The existence of the spiritual, non-corporeal beings that Sacred Scripture usually calls "angels" is a truth of faith 2)) the one that never comes 

I want

the Angel

who 

takes what I give

I want the Angel

who 

takes me higher

I want the Angel

who stays

when everything

adds

up to

zero

I want the Angel

who sees my pain

but doesn’t flinch

Pain: physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury. 2)  fuel for art

I want the Angel

Who knows 

I have the devils blessing

Devils Blessing: a curse, misfortune

I want the Angel 

who will 

Lay with me 

Dream: series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.  2) goals 3) life

And dream

Our father's-11.15

heavy smokers

hard drinkers

combat ribbons

Filthy gorgeous-1.11.19

Wild animal left in the cage for a long while then set free upon me

I will never step away from you

I don't know if this is forever

I don't know if this is for now

All I know 

you’re filthy

You’re gorgeous

Your halo is burning

it’s all saints Day 

Catholics honour all those who have entered heaven. ... All Saints' Day 2) el Día de los 

innnocentes” or the day of the children

Filthy gorgeous

I closer   to heaven

Sacred and profane-31.10.19

She’s all things sacred and profane

Sacred connected with God (or the gods

sacred beauty

I drink to innocence 

I drink to youth

youth that protects her

profane: not holy because unconsecrated, impure, or defiled 

I will

hold  her

when

 she learns the truth

I’ll find a vein

kill the pain

ritual 

sacred 

her dance

profane   

weapons-grade body

fertility rites

surrender

consecrated

Concsrated: to pronounce or make clean, or to dedicate something or someone completely, or to make holy.

Consecrated 

by  

profane 

by

 sacred

idiosyncratic dance-25.10.19

brightly coloured ink

contrasting

peaches and cream skin

She may have been a  product of Collective unconscious

Collective unconscious: the unconscious that part of the mind  memories and impulses common to all mankind

some strange Angel 

pulling me in

my heroine

pulling me in 

like heroin 

Idiosyncratic: a strange or unusual habit, way of behaving, or feature

strange Angel

demonic  vampyre

pulling into

with some strange music 

pulling me in

idiosyncratic dance

revulsion-15.10.19

a call, coffee

you start unpacking all your luggage

for me to carry

not that I am worthy

you explain

detail

medicate

AWAY

demon’s personality?

 hear the

the things

you say

they don’t make sense

not seeing evidence

double-edged stiletto

and a dime bag

betwixt worlds

love lost

revulsion

fills the

space

Give me

valise chuffed

with sorrow and regret

Revulsion: a sense of disgust and loathing

I’ll take

your revulsion

too

bitter truths better

than

sweet lies

revulsion

Wahala 16.01.18-later

I went to sleep to 

your thousand and one  sorrows

awoke  to your troubles

some begged 

some borrowed

some stolen

cured your disease 

perfected my  disease

kept each other secret

you said 

you were  a tattoo 

Tarroo: 1 : a mark, figure, design, or word intentionally fixed or placed  2) a mark on soul akin to a scar

on me soul

no

scabs on me arm

I passed you 

tonight 

at the hotel

where they celebrated you

SO pretty

SO talented

best lay in the city

went to the bar

you were right 

tattoo

Wahala

WAHALA: trouble, annoyance and headache, all rolled into one2) a bit of hart break even though you know better

that man-09.10.19

cowgirl

blames

like all the others

The Others: Men who used her and treated her badly

banality of evil

Banality of evil: Hannah Arendt writhing about Adolf Eichmann

personified

betray her?

because

I could

because

she said I would

because

cowgirls can’t live underground

because

mermaids exist

because

I am that man

I told you not to trust me-07.10.19

losing me

waking in an episode of the prisoner

waking in an episode of the prisoner

The Prisoner is a 1967 British sci—fi ’67-‘68allegorical television series about an unidentified British intelligence agent who is abducted and imprisoned 

in the time of my banishment

3 beer circus

by

General Tom Thumb

General Tom Thumb: a dwarf who rose to fame as a circus performer

leper

Leper: a person suffering from leprosy2))a person who is avoided or rejected by others for moral or social reasons 3) a state of being

flawed

tragically 

absurdly

telling   YOU the truth

don’t trust me

choose me-20.09.19

you’re

dressed to kill

you’re

not protected

this adventure

 Choose your adventure 

Choose Your Own Adventure, is a series of children's game books 2) the choices 

that defines us.

I choose

pink spider in cherry flavored  cyanide lip-gloss

morphine nods

coke binges

deep underground submerged in art and music

eschewing the surface forever

existing in shadows, night and myth

Outside of control

choose   your adventure

choose me

passion

depravity

the absurdity of being

a blue dog 

choose your adventure

Her movie-17.09.19   

Just a bit player

Here

I am  am super villain

A

Main character

main character :character who has a major purpose or role in the plot and/or interacts regularly with main characters.

crucial to the plot not ancillary

FLAWED

tragically?

Tragically flawed:a trait in a character leading to his downfall

intenently?

strategically?

I’ll write  a new script.

dream-16.09.19

Red Queen: he Red Queen: antagonist in the story as she is the queen for the side opposing Alice

Red Queen wants

to know

what no one can

what the Mad Hatter is?

did he love Alice?

did the Queen of Hearts love him?

he love her?

Queen of Hearts who is quick to give death sentence

I just smile

this a dream

they will

forget me

the red  queen

already  has forgotten

Mad Hatter knew

Mad Hatter:  is a seemingly insane gives out riddles and dresses fashionably. 2) He is part of the resistance to bring down the Red Queen's command of Underland(underground) and thus end her bloody rule

It’s all just a dream

St Dymphna -13.09.19

Found my consciousness in a glassine envelope

my soul in blood roses

dancing   in a syringe

Glassine envelope:The preferred packaging envelope for dime bags, also popular with stamp collectors.

shot it into me neck

Rushing: euphoria  when skag reaches the skag centre of your brain/soul.

rushing   riding that white horse

down  from the polar peaks

down te rabbit hole

straight underground

still dropping fast

9th circle

straight to the 9th circle :The Ninth Circle of Hell is a frozen lake 2)the Ninth Circle are people who have betrayed the trust of someone or something close and special.

there 

I will

find her

St Dymphna  tipped me off as she was getting dressed  by the light of a flashing neon light

shouting Vacancy

StDymphna: is the patron saint of the nervous, emotionally disturbed, mentally ill. She was a mystic and had Stigmata

when I find her

I will leave 

there

St Dympna  calls

wounds  

madness 

dance

synchronistically 

Got to 03.09.19

got to take it while it’s hot

she’s a kinky little thing

Got a walk before you run

She’s got a taste

got to love her while it lasts

living fast

Got to take it and run

mannequins riot demanding gentilia 

She ‘s a magazine dream

got to open her up

Got to pull the subscription card from her navel

got to use your teeth

Van Gough’s ear on a key fob

got to live

got to love

mimes scream bomb threats the silence is a roar

Got to feel the angry eyes

Got to be the one who never stays watching

Libretto of desire contain few words, many growls and moans

Libretto: text of an opera or other vocal work.

got to sing

got to scream

got to make love

got to run before the sun

got to see this play out

31.07.17-cherry cyanide-later
Cherry comes
long spindly legs and arms
close around
me
pink spiders
get me
dying  and living reconciled
she follows
underground
far
from
hallowed ground
Hallowed : consider sacred

purity a stranger
to begin
dark
sacraments
my little
human sacrifice
beauty carries
karmic debt
Karmic: Hinduism Buddhism the principle of retributive justice

I ‘m
penance
kisses me
I
savour
the intensity
and
recognise
flavour
cherry cyanide
Cynaide: sodium or potassium cyanide used as a poison