Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

25 June 2020

junkie-25.06.20
grey rainy morning
Hands shaking
Light so bright
Crippling need
pain
Want
cold turkey
Cold Turkey: he abrupt and complete cessation of taking a drug to which one is addicted. ((2 about 48 hours of pain 3) popular post-thanksgiving snack
methadone
Methadone: a synthetic analgesic drug that is used in treatment of morphine and heroin addiction all of the addiction, not the joy
I call her
Your
Name
she gives a sad smile
she knows
I am
a junk

23 June 2020

Cowgirl -Haiku
Light consortium A pretty cowgirl dances whilst watching the sky

16 June 2020

origin story 16.06.20
living
loving
on the hustle
the chosen one
always knew
to be cool
is to be hot
premonition
should be armed

got to explode
to become
a star
in the afternoon
bullets fly
finding me
died
rose again
monstrous
abomination
Mary Magdalene
Hooked up with Judas
St Peter stood guard
over
oxygen tent
Demon begotten
Night terror
Talking
demon
walking
My
Origin story


11 June 2020

morning-11.06.20
finds me more dead than alive
blinding hot
blinding sun
blinding grief
no place like home
no place is home
no 12 steps to heaven
the shaman knows
the way
heaven only
a potion away
no guilt
I seek the pleasures
of your skin

I pour wine
fruit of the earth and of the vine work of human hands
TV flickers and bleeds
a lynching for all to see
I watch
trying not to choke on bread
streets
ankle-deep blood
I await
transfiguration
transfiguration: a complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state
transfiguration
I await
sanctification, in your sex

sanctification: that: Sanctifying grace is that grace, which purifies into a sacred state
await 
mourning 
in
ameriKKKa

08 June 2020

All saints-08.06.20
to know love without exception
to lose all fear
to walk on the roof of the ocean
Vision: is something seen in a dream, trance, or ecstasy 2) communication of knowledge
to have visions
to know that
punks
musician
artist
in any form
are
Saints

31 May 2020

backgammon in Stockholm-30.05.20
she’s
DONE
she’s
Not
in a mood
03:00 nonstop
Stockholm
backgammon:  the winner being the first to remove all their pieces from the board
I’ll be playing  backgammon

25 May 2020

Love in the time of virus
    “This place is not licensed is it?” Elise asks. Adding “I am Elise, the shockingly age-appropriate lover from a few months back.
    “Elise, how could I forget, you’re my kind,” I answer.

    You should know, there’s no sign out they don’t advert, Love, you have to know it’s here.” I answer.
“My Admin told me she’s nearly as old as your scotch, is your little friend?” Elise said sardonically.
    “Who? ‘” I am thinking of that night pleasure in am seeing her starkers’ resplendent in her abandon.
    “Your eyes are empty and hungry at the same time.” She said breathlessly. It’s oddly compelling like a wolf”
“So, what rings you to this illegal gathering.” I just needed to get out, and per my temperature I am not infected. “
“You look hot to me.” I said, placing my hand on her hand. If I am going to die it might as well be hot, besides we’re masked.
I’ll take it She smiles.
“I like you, but…”
“But? “I ask.
“You won’t like the answer” Elise says intensely looking for a reaction.
“I get that our drinks appear I swipe for 2 more.
“Hit me love” I down the scotch.
“The drinking and debauchery and general affinity for Bukowski might drive a wedge in all reality. I still think you’re fun. Just need reality. “Elise said with a sad smile.
“Reality is a condition caused by lack of alcohol
   






 

“How do you know, that not meeting my boyfriend?” Elise asks feigning outrage.
    “I don’t, but also don’t care” I answer.
    “You’re assuming, that, I want a repeat of the night.?” She asks with a suggestive smile.
    “We assume nothing, but it was a fun night,” I answer. Ordering drinks on the iPad provided.
the drinks arrive. I remember, scotch and soda.” I say placing drink in front of her. Long red nails wrap around it I can feel them on my back. I need skin on skin and conversation not over a screen or 2 metres back. I need connexion, and some serious chemistry, spontaneous combustion; human contact.
       “Tell me something Elise?” I ask.
    You remember my name, bonus points for that, what do you want to know.”
    “Anything, something about you.” I answer.
    “I am a C level executive I have an MBA and a JD.
    “No, personal not resumĂ©, what song saved your life” I ask.
“I need a moment, which song, poem art, saved your life?” she answers.
    “My resume’ is simple over educated underemployed, and sussing by what you’re saying a mistake. Stick around and I may answer.” I answer
     “I had a bad day today; sorry. I choose the player with a dog. I may have taken advantage of you” Elise says laughing and clapping.

    “Thanks?” I answer.

    “I did do things I had never done on a first date and I lived in the Bowery. I say.
    “Is Bowery different, than here?” Elise asks looking amused.
    “Fuck me like you hate me, passed as romance,” I answer.
    “At least that’s’ honest” Elise says.
    “IK honestly want to be with you”
    “Will you fuck me like you hate me?” Elise says with a smile.
“Or like a love you “I answer.
“Don’t say the L-word. She says with a cold edge
“I keep hitting your  raw nerves, sorry”  I answer
“It’s about me not you, on a certain level we are  on the same wavelength.”
“That frightens you, so you break out the classic I’s not you, It’s me. Suppose we don’t have labels, and we don’t call anything we just do what we do come down the rabbit hole with me.” I answer I take her hand . over my shoulder, “I say Kellie close it tip yourself  and be generous, I am getting some.”
    “You’re sure about this “Elise says laughing.

    “Let's go out into the invisible death and see what happens, or what doesn’t. We could always go swimming .”
“Wish you were here-Pink Floyd, and Mad Girl’s Love Song-Plath, Starry night -Van Gogh-your’s are? “ She said.
“You can’t put your arms around a memory-Johnny Thunders, Sonnet 17-Neruda, Convergence-Jackson Pollock “  I answer ” let's go shelter in place.”

22 May 2020

Casablanca -21.05
the plane is on the runway
raining dark
Ilse beautiful in the rain
Victor is on the plane
Ilse runs to  the plane I don’t look
back
here’s looking
at you
KID
light a cigarette
dessert
after a long journey
into
night
it 
always ends
like this
in
Casablanca

20 May 2020

fade to black-20.05.20
you sought me 
sussing
a moment
weakness 
 naked need
needs  filled
vampyric demon
leaves
you’re tired of being
all things
to all people
I am happy
being nothing
to all people
no explanations
no apologies
don’t look back
I will
Fade to Black: 1)signaling completion, or end of narrative.  2) to disappear

fade to black

19 May 2020

pagan grammar-18.05.20
my heathen girl
Heathen: a person who does not belong to a widely held religion 2)a modern Pagan religion
her sex
her  lust
my god
she’s lying on a satin altar
her  body
her abandon
her surrender 
my human sacrifice
her moans
her screams
my lesson
in
Pagan: in the broadest sense includes all religions other than the ”true one”

pagan grammar

17 May 2020

cowgirl mouth-17.05.20
she got
attitude
all sexy
she got
long legs
she got
mystery
not just another one
she got
eyes
bedroom ones
she got
voice
dipped in cigarettes and whiskey
she got
tell you
Cowgirl mouth: a loud and raucous voice
Cowgirl mouth

14 May 2020

Mood-12.05.20
Never should’ve
Brought you here
Consequences
are severe
don’t play well
IN
fly over country
IN
Harsh morning light
You’re not
Mood: state of mind or feeling 2) not wanting to do or experience something
In a mood
For  ME

08 May 2020

Swim-08.05.20
she said
stripping
she stares
raised snakes
she caresses
places 
my 
hand 
over 
her heart
beating rapidly
we 
match
same scars
Swim :1) propel the body through water 2)  Someone Who Isn't me but is the same

SWIM

03 May 2020

erotic obsession-02.05.20
redemption and hell
betwixt
her thighs
demons and saints
same
no one
gets
out alive
pink spider
sex made flesh
stay in her web
no prayer nobody
makes it
out
my last words
death
by
erotic obsession

28 April 2020

2 thousand year  stare
200 yard stare: a symptom of battlefield stress exhaustion.  
600 meter effective range
7.62 NATO round has an effective range of 600 meters
YOU
wouldn’t  believe
what I been through
scars from the ups
stigmata from the downs
seen
blue angels born 
seen
ascending from the village
seen
fire fight under a   starry  tropical sky
seen
shaman performing sacred rites  
discovered 
sacred
discovered
profane 
discovered
love
swam in oceans of nothingness
emerged  again
woken
by 
MUSIC
by
ART
by
LOVE
2000 year stare

10 April 2020

Mata Hari waits-.09.04.20
Mata Hari : Femme fatale 2) double agent 3) prostitute for country
in the souk
Ahmet eyes her bare arms
all she left me was a bill
writhes with pleasure
bounce

before
she’s 
derelict
Le Salaire de la peur: wages of fear
Le Salaire de la peur


she’s 
Mata Hari

07 April 2020

ride-02.04.20
white horse
looking
for
pink spider
digital roar
Digital; data expressed as series of the digits 0 and 1
I could have been anyone
EXCEPT
loved
crowd
Crowd
herd, mob
rabble
capitivated
HER
making love to her
like
China White
venom surging   me veins
straight to
centre
brain?
soul?
just
hit some medicine
Ride:1) Someone who is attractive can be called a ride   2) come safely through something, period of danger or difficulty
I’ll ride
just
ride

03 April 2020

dark prophet-13.03.20
slamming gin
enveloping
Angel
in the vacuum
of his stare
Angel
exposed
her soul immaculate
berserk lightening
striking
energizing
Frankenstein reborn
rumours
prophet
lost faith
prophet
rejected divine
purity and beauty
horrify
just as
hideous and evil
comfort
pulling Angel
taking  her  down
deep
underground
gravity of his eyes
Prophet: a proclaimer of the will of God
Dark prophet

01 April 2020

Clarity.01.04.20
purple dragon fly’s
don’t see the purple ones much
I walk in grey soup
thinking
different
place
 different
time
the fog here
obscured
Obscured: keep from being seen; conceal
ancient roads
one waits   in the next room
pointing at her watch
I am late
searching
a
sister of mercy
Sisters of Mercy are Roman Catholic women of faith who commit to serve God & serving those in need.
give us
a drink
give us
a spliff
give us
comfort
0300
I must leave
Clarity: the quality of being coherent and intelligible
clarity
the next room waits
just not tonight
clarity

30 March 2020

Yesterday-30.03.

yesterday

day after tomorrow

We were
Going 
Swimming
Swimming: propelling through water 2) we can’t say love, so swimming
Leggy 
Dancing
Next to me
So many love
Cowgirl
is it 
all the same
raining 
Trying to keep
Cigarette lit
Cowgirl
makes me 
play this game 
yesterday 
the day after tomorrow