Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

31 March 2018

night swim
pink spider  finds
me
in the
Garden of Gethsemane
The Garden of Gethsemane is where Jesus prayed on the night of His betrayal and despair in Gethsemane was so deep that He sweat drops of blood 
arrest 
she kisses me
takes  me hand
you’re sweating
let’s swim
by moonlight
knowing
I am 
betrayed
I dive 
in
black water
taste 
of 
pink spider venom
on 
me 
lips
I swim 
away 
into the black

29 March 2018

did you know-29.03.18
did you know
 you’re fading in front of me
Fade: gradually grow faint and disappear
During the Mass of the Lord's Supper, Pope Francis washed the feet of 12 prisoners
did you know
let me take this from you
did you know
it doesn’t hurt me

did you know
I’ll eat your fears
did you know 
only pain
is real
did you know
close eyes
I exist not all
Exist: exist: have objective reality or being

seasick-29.03.18
staggering out
sunlight blinding
nauseous
fire and brimstone
harsh  judgements’
AA meeting at a funeral home
burying
you
burying
pieces
of me
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
Ashes to ashesdust to dust. All that is not of God must die: Catholic prayer
navigating
seas
of
grief
seas
of
rage
burial at sea



27 March 2018


based on actual  events-21.03.18
inhaling
drinking 
deeply
straight from
the
virgin Mary’s tit
coke so pure
venal equinox: spring, on about March 20 in the northern hemisphere and September 22 in the southern hemisphere

dolls dancing
Dolls: an attractive young woman.
pirouetting
wearing  smiles
bikini bottoms
heels
carrying
champagne
carrying
beauty
carrying
promises 
recognising 
compromises
a few gins
weird sin
bliss 
occurring
venal equinox
rebirth
events




19 March 2018

dreaming -16.03.18

My voice
a
Horror
Horror: an intense feeling of fear, shock, or disgust

Mind the gap
injected 
dreams

surging

blood
flowing
junk
Junk:  old or discarded articles that are considered useless or of little value, heroin
centre
in
my brain
Unsigned Nondisclosure agreements
dreams becoming
sounds and visions
Visions: an experience of seeing someone or something in a dream or trance, or as a supernatural apparition
splicing nerves /consciousness 
Consciousness: the fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world
new planes
sounds
new existences
sounds
Planes: existence, consciousness, or developments
dreams
visions
of the world
Sounds: music, speech, and sound effects when recorded, used to accompany a film or video production, or broadcast
dreams
Dreams: a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep


creating me 




17 March 2018

give me, take me-15.03.18
give me
your story
take me company
take me devotion
give me 
the picture
of you
underground
Underground: underground activity is secret and usually illegal

take me visions
storms
Storm: a violent disturbance of the atmosphere
moving
across
your face
dark
so very dark here
your vampyre
acclimatized
I see clearly
give me
your hand
take me heart
give me
all
your  pain
take me healing
give me
all
your fears
take me audacity
give me
all
your tears
give me solace
all 
your  broken places
give me cure
a kiss 
when you leave
Leave: depart from, go away from, go from, withdraw from
take me memory
Memory: something remembered from the past; a recollection

13 March 2018

do not disturb-13.03.18
I am so tired
oh so knackered
I am beat 
do not disturb 
Dream : a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep
I could sleep
10,000 years
Sleep: the nervous system is relatively inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.
1,000,000  dreams
Morpheus me DJ
Morpheusis a Greek god of dreams
Two killed as bomber continues to target Austin residents
deep underground
no one to wake
me
do not disturb  
Hades  me  landlord
Hades:Hades, the god of the underworld,
buried deep
a vampyric rest
Putin ordered the downing of a passenger plane

do not disturb

12 March 2018


Lucky-12.03.18
12 days and 12 nights
she raved
fucked like a porn star 
on an aphrodisiac
lucid Jesus watched in awe
Mania: mental illness marked by periods of great excitement, euphoria, delusions, and overactivity.
on 13th day 
she  came down
come down: the aftermath of a good night. the feeling that one wishes to just sleep 
, die and cry.
I always thought 
13
lucky
Lucky: having, bringing, or resulting from good luck

11 March 2018

someone else -11.03.18
her name whispered  prayer
Prayer: a solemn request for help to God
a
god
I
had lost
faith
Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
in
You reach for he
but I am not he
nor
can ever be
I have been
many
best and brightest
widow
alchemist
outlaw
banker
demon
leper messiah
just
someone else

10 March 2018


awakeing10.03.18
First time
she spoke to me
awaking me
Awaking: cause (someone) to wake from sleep
from a long long  night
5 years?
7years?
No sound
sound : vibrations that travel through the air or another medium and can be heard
Just something
Felt
Inside
A place
I didn’t
think
have
a
soul
Soul - The spiritual principle of human beings. The soul is the subject of human consciousness and freedom
thousands of conversations
then
silence deafening
underground
I slept to the roar
a day?
a year?

Deafening: loud as to make it impossible to hear anything else
then
she
speaks
awaking
me

08 March 2018

so faraway2) -07.03.8
darkness spreading
Darkness:1) 2)  the partial or total absence of light. 2) wickedness or evil.

so fast
so deep 
so I’ll put on T Rex and Bowie, 
so I can fancy you dancing  in a northern county
so dazzling
so stunning
Faraway: distant, far off, far, remote, far-flung, outlying, extrasolar 2) seeming remote from the immediate surroundings; dreamy.
so faraway 

07 March 2018

Bodies 17/18
angry white men
rain death
from
the 32nd floor-58 dead

bodies
the white house
bodies
the back of the church-26 dead
bodies
schools-17 dead
bodies
angry white  men
bodies
bloodthirsty
god 
of
white rage
bodies rain  down 

Stop The Rain
    There’s frantic knocking I go to the door pulling on jeans grabbing my HK .45, shoving it the small holster belt the small of my back.

I shout” coming!” If they have a warrant they’re going to come in. I am holding but not much and they’ll never find it.  I open the door expecting anything but this.   I see Beth my good friend crying she has blood on her as the sultry night air hits me I pull her inside bolt the door behind her
    “Who did this” Was it Andrew?!  I demand. “I’ll I stop as Beth ‘s eyes plead.
She looks at me wordlessly sobbing, shaking, grabbing my arm clinging to me shaking a bit pale. “Andrews dead “ she chokes out sobbing.

    “I can make a few calls. fuck it  I ‘l take them out.” I haven’t slept in 3 days I am running on coke a dizzying array of pills, and raw nerve, and my best at times only friend. Beth looks NFL cheerleader she was in her early 20’s. Blonde Tan busty (naturally) green eyes full of soul that I would kill for literally.  She has an easy sense of style. She’s not thrilled that; I deal coke but accept me as I am. We’re friends, not lovers. Lovers come and go lovers but we go on through it all. Someone, I can tell I love, without it being used against me, or feel make me like an idiot.  Andrew was her Boyfriend. They lived together he hated me. To him, I was all nightmares and menace


“He killed himself!”  She says clutching my arm seemingly climbing up my arm I feel her hugging my her teary check on mine she sobs, “I had to clean up the blood and bits of brain, bone, and skin. “ She is sobbing hysterically shaking. Heaving against me.
 Gasping for breath.
    Let's get you cleaned “ I say guiding her to the loo. She’s had a few too many. When we were clubbing.  I have cleaned her up and put her to bed I; before this isn’t anything but affection she needs the blood from her. I adjust water the water putting my .45 on the basin stepping out of jeans. I lather her hair as she cries. Rinse her hair she washes I direct. , The shower massage then turn off the taps wrapping her in a towel carrying her to my bed I tuck her in and start to leave the room
    “Hey, asshole, come back here I am too tired scared, angry too sleep. Let's just talk. ” Beth says in a southern drawl.
I am getting you a screwdriver and dressed I will be right back. I say over my shoulder. I take the vodka from the freezer pour a couple of shots take a long drink from the bottle. Light a Gitane’s putting on the exhaust fan. This should keep me until breakfast. I grab a few Valium from fridge dry mouth a couple before I start to tweak. I’ll step her down so she can sleep put her screwdriver on saucer pills beside it. I stop for the .45 and go to the bedroom. I set her drink on the nightstand
    “It’s cold, could I borrow a T to sleep in.  Won’t I OD? Beth said. Watching as I place my .45 under my pillow. “You can sleep like you always do my sister, several friends told me you sleep and the new girl at work with told me you sleep nude. I grab a clean T from the closet and toss it to her click off the light and slide next to her,
    Beth starts talking and lies against me, with head on my chest. I listen to her she needs to talk even on 2 Valium she transmits at a rapid pace
I listen, that ‘s what she needs from me.  The rhythm starts to slow down and is replaced by rhythmic breathing. I drift for the first time in days. I wake up realizing that I have slept 10 hours at least my hand is on Beth’s breast, not unpleasant, just not what she wants needs. I extract myself from bed go to the kitchen start coffee pull on jeans go to the patio to smoke, do a bump go back in pour coffee and look up to see Beth walking n my T in. “My hair is scary. I know I went to bed with it wet, you know you had your hand was on my tit all night,” she giggles.  Reaching for a cup of coffee in my hand hitting me with that great big smile.

    “I m sorry” I start.
“No, no it made me feel safe, you stopped the rain,” she says with a smile. sips some coffee, and says “I gotta get dressed  go home and get dressed, and disappears into the bedroom comes out in one of my T’s
“You could have stolen a clean one. “I said laughing.

“I know I wanted your smell, right now you make it quit raining, you’ll get it back,” Beth says sarcastically.

“Roxy Thursday?”I ask of her back wouldn’t miss it.” Beth answers
“Happy hour, dancing




04 March 2018


declaration Making -28.02.18
making breakfast 
smoke alarm
bleeps a warning
breakfast incinerates
rolling on the floor
rough sex
wild  romance
making love
Making: the process of making or producing something
making magic
making coffee
Making  a mess
making
 US
Us: to or for ourselves.
this new country 
declaration of interdependence
SCARY
Scary: uncannily striking or surprising

charred pan
burn it down 
make it again
making
later 
before
art and sex 
what else
would we
be making