Ongoing sporadic journal of the overeducated, and underemployed. The title derived from Coupland’s description of cubicle land; the corporate ghetto. Random photos and thoughts. Left the ghetto, never happier. This still a work in progress

30 July 2021

 Something  we’re not allowed to feel-30.07.21

Welcome the ordeal

I was 

a

Petite bourgeoisie adventure?

petite bourgeoisie  literally small  is a French term (sometimes derogatory.) 

do you know the pressure?

Off someone who cannot feel

Flames engulfed

us

You said enough

Maybe we’ll see you 

yesterday

You’re

Just something

We’re 

not allowed

Feel: a sensation given by an object or material when touched 2) an emotional state or reaction. 3) something I am not allowed

to 

feel

“ there ain't no cure for love

There Ain’t no cure for Love” in the background air smells of hybrid weed .coffee and whiskey



26 July 2021

 


Beat-25.07.21

don’t need you

desire you

The fire calls

reluctant flesh

Spurns

Beat: eat, in music, the basic rhythmic unit of a measure, or bar 2)The Beats: gave conformity the literary middle finger 3) a vibration betwixt 2 people, that makes or breaks  3) tired

-Beat

Word on the street

Your fire gone out

By now

I should

Sussed you out

So many things

We should

Worked out

All the paths from of you are winding

The light house is blinding

2 wounded people

just a few drops of dream left

Beat

All I have

All we have

2a few drops  of dreams

raw

Desire


25 July 2021

 Numb-25.07.21

word on the street

fire went  out 

2 wounded people 

few drops of a  dream left

Somewhere 

Tired of being lost

So tired of being alone

Tired of sleeping in  a chair

Tired of trying

Tired of thoughts’ and prayers

Tired of sympathy

Numb: deprived of the power of sensation

numb



24 July 2021

 


No life guard on duty-24.07.21

tell you

I am in pain

You don’t care

You say life is a torture  you cannot bear
I tell you give me my life back

I can’t be your wife

I have my own life to

Save: keep safe or rescue (from harm or danger

Save

I am too tired to care

I am too angry to try

I sit in a chair alone

I don’t sleep

Dreams

Where children scream

monsters comeback

You’re not what you seem

Leaving me

Too angry to dream

First you ran to me

NOW

you run from me

You wanted to be by my side

I have my pride

Swallowing a sea of whiskey

A little risky

But I have my own life to

save

There’s no lifeguard on duty

I am too tired

To mad too care

You don’t dare swim

Lifeguard: lifeguard is a rescuer who supervises the safety and rescue of swimmers, surfers 2)helpful, especially at a time of crucial importance.

There’s no lifeguard on duty

The waters are murky

I have my own life to save


22 July 2021

 Milady-21.07.21

The night terrors are back

Voice like  single malt neat

Calm in the eye of the storm pale blue eyes filling

Tears she wills away


The monsters

The monsters

Back

In won’t crack

I won’t crack

I am tourist in  her reality,

I am tourist in my own reality

Milady: used  to address or refer to an English noblewoman or great lady 2) She who walks in beauty

Milady

Of beauty

milady

Of love

Milady

Of quiet desperation

Milady

Of my heart


20 July 2021

 


Bliss-20.07.21

The roar of my machine

All love lost

Rifles on rock ’N Roll

Conflict zones

Betwixt worlds

Melting realities

Blue bunny coming on strong

Shamans’ potion coursing through my soul

Hitch-hiking pink spider

 pelji me k očetu: emmène-moi à papa

her sign 

says

pelji me k očetu

Where are you going?

I don’t know but it won’t be boring

We got the kingdom, we got the keys

We got the kingdom

We got the night

We don't doubt, we don't take orders

We are chosen

We are travelling

Even 

 Standing still

Destination

Bliss: reach a state of perfect happiness, typically so as to be oblivious of everything else.

 

bliss



15 July 2021

 Burying friends-13.07.21

on this day

she turned blue

ascended into heaven

blue Angel

first love

first  death

3 metres from where I

Descended into hell

Here I will dwell forever

Fireworks(early Bastille day?)

Like small weapons fire

not

NATO

Angoise: angoisse, souffrance, supplice anguish

angoisse

So tired of being alone

Light candles 

“the car may  do the wrong thing at the worst time (Tesla warning)

chalice bubbling over sacred candles

 heavy perfume fills the air 

communion fills the spike


Transfiguration : complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state


Transfiguration



Betwixt  worlds


Burying friends


12 July 2021

 Mediations on the relentless savage beauty and passions of pink spiders-10.07.21


Ravitch: a comrade former USSR

to Ravitch she commands

 coming on strong

I’m usually not that daring or romantic she says 

Meet me in pale moonlight

By the lighthouse?

Past

means dangerous or unexplored territories, in imitation of a medieval practice of putting illustrations of dragons, sea monsters and other mythological creatures on uncharted areas of maps


Beyond there be dragons


Blue Bunny 


Called in 


 Existential Airstrikes


Absurdist napalm 

Turning everything into flowers and popcorn and unicorns’

Pink spiders 

Stings 

Stings

stings

Sending venom straight 

to 

junk centre  

of 

the soul

upending the order

of 

my heart


08 July 2021

 


Echoes-07.07.21

Standing on the beach looking out to sea

Pieces of you in silver serving spoon

Echoes

Remember from dust you came to dust you shall return

Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return(priest in low tones)


Echoes

Love you smochies!

I kiss the fine white ash tasting you

on my lips

one last time

freeing you shell to the wind and the sea

Echoes

Of

YOU

Echoes

Of US

Echoes

Revibrating

Echoes


03 July 2021

 Kicking-26.06.21

realised

at start 

how

It ends

you’re 

always

disintegration

China White: a pale, neutral 2) a white powder and the most refined V of skag

China White


dark fantasies

obsessions

made flesh

Kicking: to quitting skag cold turkey, because of the muscle spasms during the first 36 hours


kicking

Cold sweat

Nausea

convulsions

NyQuil: liquid cold medicine 2) chugging a bottle will postpone getting junk sick 

NyQuil, 

tossing her hair 

lick king her lips

walk that makes promises

entering in the vacuum of my gaze

Kicking


26 June 2021

 tôt le matin-25.06.21

cast off

your unwilling 

flesh 

don’t hide

fire burning bright

Log off 

from 

militaristic industrial complex

Log off 

from 

puritanical conscripts

Satyrs were characterized by their ribaldry and were known as lovers of wine, music, dancing, and women. 

Embrace this satyr

Run with me

Through existential mists

Run through the planes of existence 

Beyond

Good

Beyond

evil

Past

Norms

Past 

inhibitions’

past who you 

Are: 

second person singular present and first, second, third person plural present of be 2)self


are 

come with me 

to 

who you will

be

tôt le matin: early morning predawn

tôt le matin

hallucinogenic predawn hours

air damp warm

lose yourself

find your soul

as

 dawn breaks 

illuminating everything






23 June 2021

 Prayers-07.06.21

I know you

Restorative: having the ability to restore health, strength, or a feeling of well-being.

Believe in restorative diety
I know that you do
Before you leave
Say a prayer
For me
I‘ll have coffee
Smoke a spliff
contemplate
Van Gogh's
ear
Contemplate
all
unanswered
prayers
Swimming-07.06.21
That devil’s smile
Our Lady of 10,000 sorrows
Some
Begged
some
Borrowed
Some
Stolen
a pretty face
fell from grace
Into my arms
we could
start a revolution
In bed
Or
we could
Get high
Or
we could
seek enlightenment
or
we could
go swimming
By the light house
Swimming: using your arms and legs to move through water2)what we can’t say to each other
Or

26 May 2021

 Lilith-24.05.21


holding onto Lilith

Lilith, female demonic figure of Jewish folklore. 2)She is the ex-wife (first wife) of Adam, the first human, wife of Lucifer, queen of hell

Old soul

Mystical woman-child

couldn’t

hold on

too

So

Went

Underground

So low

So high

Rebel angel

asked me for

Smoke

Said call me Nico

no cash

She produced a match

You don’t need any smiling

What pulls me

To Lilith

Is what pulls

me to madness

Nico says

GO

where

Day before yesterday

Laying back wings spread

To whom you were

To whom you will be

Lilith can wait




24 May 2021

 Mean 19.05.21

mean can describe someone who's stingy, angry and cold  2)importance to (someone/mermaid/pink spider), object of affection. 3) signify

Mean

So much

To

MEAN

So little

To her

Covax, the global vaccine-sharing program, will receive about 200 million doses of the Johnson and Johnson vaccine

Intoxicated

I read the Holy books

I contemplated n existence & nothingness

I found God and all of the devil's inside of her.

Intoxicated

I let her swim away

liberated

If you know

what

I mean


19 May 2021

 Copping-17.05.21

Waking

Not at peace

Rockets and airstrikes light the skies over Gaza-genocide

HOLLOW

Coughing

RAW

NEED

Monkey screaming

Cop: to get hold of catch, capture also: purchase

Needing to cop

A fix

Dope: a drug taken illegally for recreational purposes, typically heroin. 2) you think something, or someone is cool

A hand pulls me into the shower

My dope

Pulls me inside

RAVENOUS

Steam from her fire


Water splashing

Erotic baptism

Kiss

embrace

The monkey quits 

screaming 

clawing

biting

Blood surging

oxytocin

endorphins

redemption

straight 

to

dope 

centre 

of the

soul

copping my fix


11 May 2021

 Redemption prayer-09.05.21

looking for answers on a Sunday morning 

looking for a   fix in this underground existence

Redemption: belief in the idea that humanity can be saved from sin - redeemed

seeking redemption in these dirty sheets

Transfiguration: 1) a change in form or appearance:2) metamorphosis. 3) an exalting, glorifying, or spiritual change. 4)  climax of sexual encounter characterized by feelings of pleasure, dopamine, epinephrine


looking for transfiguration in betwixt sweaty thighs


08 May 2021

 watch-04.05.21

It’s fact

on the day my lover   left  for the other side

seagulls

plucked her eyes out and flew them

to Paris showing her

Notre Dame

the Louvre

then flew

over the pyramids

flew them over the Vatican

to the coast leaving

them

Watch: watching or observing someone or something closely; alert and vigilant

to watch over

dolphins

watch over

artist

watch over

children

watch over

me

01 May 2021

 Gone-01.05.21 

funeral pyres turn the Indian night into day

never wanted to be your part-time   lover

I only wanted to be some kind of friend

Love

 could never steal you from another 

come to  me

when you feel me

flee me when you don’t

feel me

love me when I am 

Gone:no longer present; departed 2)  completely high and/or intoxicated to a point of no return 3)lost in love/ cool /art/music


gone


28 April 2021

 Alone-04.14.95-later

In a bar

Next too

The place

Where my friend dances for men,

you say she sells  herself

nicotine  stained lungs I speak to you in tongues

And you say my life is a mix of Picasso, Kerouac

Lines, gin and women

I am too high to notice too gone to care

You say my

Madness comes from sadness

Then you

Quit saying anything

Still I miss you

All you left me

Was

Alone: having no one else present 2)Not having anybody. 3)indescribable state of being.  

ALONE


26 April 2021

 Honey trap-26.04.21

you Don't admit that it's part of  your agenda

I can't stop thinking

I ain't quite as daft as you think

I am sussing

Honey trap: is an investigative practice involving the use of romantic or sexual relationships for political (including state espionage 2)in cases, to capture or kill the target and gain intelligence

Honey trap


24 April 2021

 human-21.04.21

morning tangerine sky

a chill

smell of coffee

warmth  that is her

human perfume

Mermaid out of water

just human

benediction 

embrace

Benediction: a service in which the congregation is blessed with the Blessed Sacrament

Kiss

redemption

Redemption: the idea that humanity can be saved from sin - redeemed 

redemption



human 


21 April 2021

 27.03.16-second coming-later

some wait 

fiery judgments’ 

angry condemnations

swords of vengeance

horrendous wars

rapture

a beast

heavy metal  imagery

4 horseman

The four horsemen: Pestilence, War, Famine and Death; comprise the four horseman


I wait 

you my lover

your soft laugh

your passionate touch

fuck the righteous

heaven was

always 

where ever

you are

hell is where ever

you’re not

the dark rider of the apocalypse

waiting for 

the second coming

cocktail in hand

lines on the mirror

18 April 2021

 why?-17.04.21

why she asks

everyone asks how

I am good with why

black coffee

debriefed: question (someone, typically a  spy) about a completed mission or undertaking.2) direct questioning by MI6 or a woman you’ fancy.

casually debriefing me

laughing eyes

Mona Lisa smile

it’s been so long

my time at

“Combat”: clandestine newspaper of the French Resistance, editor Albert Camus

“Combat”

fighting fascism

with

absurdist armies

of

the night

fighting

with

passion

she knows the how’s, when’s

she 

is

why


16 April 2021

 The last souls-16.04.21

 

the lost souls

infinite universe

cold

dark

one

galaxy

9

planets

2

flawed souls

step outside

of space

step outside

of time

step outside

Routine: a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program. 2) cages of our own making 


of your routines

step outside

your rituals

Ritual: a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order. 2) building blocks of mental illness


we’re the

last souls



12 April 2021

 She-12.04.21

let me out of me grave

let slip me leash

she shouldn’t be scared

she wanted my hunger

she lit the fuse

Explosion: breaks up into more than one piece and it therefore changes its shape.2) petite mort 

going to feast on her

It’s

fictional?

It’s

Mystical?

It’s

Existential?

Only in moments of

Weakness

Does she need me

now

Does she need me

Now?


10 April 2021

 Swimming-10.04.21

another mass shooting

the pain has to go some were

all they doi s eat, buy guns, and watch tele

troglodytes fired a burst in anger

you’re like that game

Frag Grenade:  L109A1 

grenade is a fragmentation hand grenade used by the . The HG85-ki radius 2 metres


forward firebase Julie-burning cigarette rubber band holding the spoon frag grenade pin long gone  ‎L96a1

A3 close

Spoon: the safety lever , while  depressed  will not expolde

fear in your eyes you woke Vampyre

yes, he will feed on you, your talent beauty

pure dope

vampyre shaking need, hunger, want

don’t run to the desert

don’t call sister



Don't give it name

call it swimming

you’re  just

swimming


07 April 2021

 Fever dream-07.04.21

caught

her

vacuum of my stare

gifted her

Affliction: something that causes pain or suffering


affliction


blood throbbing in her thighs

fire in burning I her in her eyes

sweat on her heaving breasts

are 

listening

to me

Fever Dreams: vivid dreams you have when your body temperature is elevated

This fever dream is everything


06 April 2021

 Hot and bothered-06.04.21

Swims to me 

Breathelessly

whispering

Hot

hot: having a high degree of heat or a high temperature.2) sexually aroused; lustful sexy; attractive

same breathless voice


 2 syllables

Bothered: concerned about something. Upset, anxious, or rattled.2) sexually aroused

swims to the deep end

beckoning me

she’s

Hot and bothered

3 syllables

that change everything

I go deep


05 April 2021

Existential outlaw-05.04.21

.45 absurd auto in my belt

betwixt planes

pink spiders

hunt me

Angels 

Haunt me

some seek to classify me add me to their collection

my crimes

against 

reality

against 

time

against 

love


exiled and shunned

from

the 3  beer circus


by

General Tom Thumb: a dwarf who rose to fame as a circus performer

General Tom Thumb

underground

drink

loose exile

pink spiders

a dime

I told her

Just

How it end

No future

Only now

On the run

Wanted dead or alive

Existential  outlaw


Quien es? -Billy the kid's last words answered by a bullet to the heart 

a knock

I know who it is

Quien es?


04 April 2021

 Salton Sea 04.04.21

mermaids

gathered

there

American dream crashed and burned

They watch the moon

I watch them

The Salton Sea is a shallow, landlocked body of water that has a high concentration of salts and chemicals 2) a community of retirees, bikers, and eccentrics on the shores of an ecological disaster

Having a cocktail and waiting 

On the edge

the Salton sea


03 April 2021

 Casablanca  -21.05.20-later

the plane is on the landing strip

raining dark

Ilsa beautiful in the rain

Victor is on the plane

Ilsa  runs to plane I don’t look 

back

here’s looking

at you

KID

light a cigarette

dessert

after a long journey

into 

night


it always ends

like this 


Casablanca is the largest city of Morocco 2)a filim 3) a postmodern archetype

alone

in

Casablanca


 Good Friday-02.04.21

Spring

Renewal

amidst

Jim Crow coming on strong

the incessant backbeat of mass shootings

ström troopers crucify

people of colour

impotent men with

big stomachs

and no guts

brandish weapons

doves released at the Vatican

like 

JOY

Camus prophesied

Plague

Poe’s premonition

Red Masque

Cooking flowers

redemption

pink spiders-famished

Mermaids-swimming free

Angels-rebels 

Poetry

Art

spoke with God,

pure love

pure beauty

she whispered 

it wasn’t her fault

spoke with the devil

mirror image of me

roars 

suck it up Mary

my dog 

chases a ball

an attack on US capitol

Good Friday commemorates the crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ

on  Good Friday


01 April 2021

 Melt-01.04.21

You don't have

to bleed

for me

breathe

For me

YOUR

FIRE

Melt: liquefied by heat 2) feeling or arousing strong or tender emotions

MELTS

chains

MELTS

the cages

MELTS

Teality: state of things as they actually exist 2) lack of drugs or alcohol 

reality


29 March 2021

 don’t pretend-28.03.21


trying to get inside of you

no matter what I do

I know

no matter what I do

I’ll never real get inside of you

and make you catch fire

the way you should

Pretend: speak and act so as to make it appear that something is the case when in fact it is not. 2) acting like this was all we ever wanted

don’t pretend

you never wanted more than the

don’t pretend

I never tried

don’t pretend

and

smile

don’t pretend


28 March 2021

 Palm Sunday-28.03.21

waking cool spring morning

woman on fire

long legs

long hair

spread

overs

sheets

my mind

ravenous she growls

tigress

in heat

giving me

Impure thoughts impure thought only becomes sin when it is willed


Impure thoughts 


on

 Palm Sunday



27 March 2021

 Lust-27.03.21

she reaches out

a branch

in whirlpool of self-recrimination

longer than smiles can be forced

and

troubled

emotions under lock and key

yet

Lust: very strong sexual desire 2) a strong hunger for anything,

lust screaming for satisfaction

all

i know

no eternal reward

will forgive

wasting the night

lust is life


24 March 2021

 fishing-25.03.21

seeking

mermaid

Lure: tempt seduce to lead astray

lure

Mermaids

beat poetry?

clever words?


abstracts?

strong coffee?

nothing?

sign

at lighthouse

fishing




22 March 2021

 Ravenous-22.03.21

Blind need

want

DESIRE

shaking

a pain

everything else

else than nothing

NEED

would cook

, mermaid

mainline

into me

soul

if we had one

jonesing junk sick

HUNGER

I am

Ravenous: extremely hungry. 2)starved not necessarily for food. 3) bind desire, that must be satisfied

Ravenous


20 March 2021

 mon guide voyage en absurdie-20.03.21

waiting night

dragon roars

dissolving into smoke

scotch-coloured skies

blue bunny was calling

pink spider

waves 8 legs

craving me

whilst

I crave you

riot of bald sopranos’

messiah

Sisyphus

Crucified


Messiah: who will change the world order in accordance with the will of God

messiah

strip

show me

your

desire

show me

your

fire

I

show

show you 

mon guide voyage en absurdie


14 March 2021

 


Dark cocktail hour of the soul -13.03.21

gutted

lost

can’t remember not

knowing

loving you

I’ll make a drink

to fill an empty

place inside

gutted

Purgatory: process, or place of purification or temporary punishment in which, souls are made ready for heaven.

purgatory

cocktails


12 March 2021

 dream-11.03.21

going down

underground

going

deep

letting

darkness

wash over me

diving down

deeper

can’t

stand the light

Dreams:The dream :most secret recesses of the soul, opening into that cosmic night-Jung

dreams

are born

in the dark

come dream with me

lucid dreams

illicit dreams

mystic dreams

just dream



02 March 2021

 Fire -01.03.21

Fire:1) a chemical reaction that gives off light heat 2) order to discharge weapon 3) mojo  

in

your eyes


sweat


betwixt


your thighs


say

everything


want


swim


in

fire


until

I

drown

kos

only

then

I’m

alive




28 February 2021

a text from Marilynn Monroe-27.02.21

-Starwood?

Madame Wong’s?

catching me eye


whirl wind: almost-vertical column of wind that moves rapidly 2)   how god calls you if his iPhone has bricked

Whirl wind of blonde hair, sexy

basically, on fire

hard to miss

easy to lose

then

a text

Marilyn Monroe: Norma Jeane Mortenson 2) blonde archetype

Marilyn Monroe


26 February 2021

how to disappear completely-26.02.21


love letter

yellowing  like a fresh black eye

don’t try

don’t  work

don’t force

don’t fake it

quit now

if it is

then

if isn’t

there already

it never existed

only when it

comes

from

within

not

outside

can

it

immerse you

overcome you

pull you under

until you

are

who

you were

before they told you who to be

Disappear: lecease to be visible 2)  to go away or become lost


disappear





24 February 2021

Happy Ladings-24.02.21


radar contact

Radar Contact: Air Traffic Control see you on my radar, I'll keep an eye on you

redemption

usually at 

Tony

Tony

Lima

flying under radar


coming in hot


cleared for landing

Runway foamy: runways at airports being covered in foam to reduce friction

runway foamy

Air traffic control

She loves me

Happy Landings



22 February 2021

 slamming romance-22.02.21

waking

to

bright morning light

streaming through window

she walks softly sound

water  and  low singing

I stumble to wards the

song

watch

a moment

that beingI’m still

Discovering:  gain sight or knowledge of (something previously unseen or unknown 2) a new experience

discovering

hand reaches out

pulling

me in

care

kisses

redemption

Slamming Romance


19 February 2021

 let it happen-19.02.21

come inside

to eye of your heart

might find

a better place

to sleep

starting

revolution

frommy bed

all the

things

that have been

fades away

rebel angel

can wait

it’s too

she knows

take me

to your place

that no one knows

please

don’t

it’s cool

don’t look away

from vacuum of  me gaze

let it go

me

you


Happen: take place; occur. 2)  used to emphasize someone's wrongdoings or to point out a ridiculous event .3) chemical reactions.



let it happen


18 February 2021

 Prometheus-18.02.21

winter so bleak

frozen

grey on grey

descending

underground

far away

from

yellow brick road

pink spiders

Mermaids

Prometheus is a culture hero and trickster figure who created of humanity from clay, and who defies the gods by stealing fire and giving it to humans

punk Prometheus ripped jeans black leather

eagle ODs

surfacing

searching for the sacred flame

I have seen it

I will have it




16 February 2021

 Should-16.02.21

should

I Know

where

you slept last night

should

I care

where

you slept last night

should

I have been

where you slept last night

Should used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness 2) should of, would of, could of- regrets and 4$ will get you a cup of coffee


Should




14 February 2021

 emailing venus-14.02.21

Venus:  The Roman goddess of love and beauty 2) the planet second  from the sun 3) she who woke me



from the lighthouse

watching mermaids

watching the moon

I said too much?

haven’t said enough

Venus

burning bright

in the sky

vinyl and words

wine

to fill

an emptiness


12 February 2021

 deadbeat poet -12.02.21

indifferent queen

celebrated

adored

whist

I am

Beat: a main accent or rhythmic unit in music or poetry 2) American social and literary movement 3) overcome 4) strike violently 5) tired 

beat

looking for

joy

looking for

Love

looking for

a bliss fix

looking for

redemption in dirty streets

looking for

redemption in dirty sheets

a dead-beat poet


t:a lazy or socially undesirable person


a deadbeat poet? 



09 February 2021

 us-09.02.21

flying

past evil

past good

past

time

past

space

past

knowing

Temporal anomaly: disruption in the spacetime continuum 2)) created by the rite-candles, communion hitting the spot in the Centre of me brain exploding conscious betwixt world’s 

temporal anomaly

brings me to you

we dance

time means nothing

are existential tango

no

beginning

no

end

nothing else

exists 

just us


03 February 2021

 see me? -03.02.21

at the beach beneath lighthouse

watching

Mermaids watching the moon

wonder if

mermaids

See: 1.) discern visually2) come to perceive or understand

SEE

me



29 January 2021

 heartbreak lighthouse-29.01.21

Lighthouse: a structure (such as a tower) with a powerful light that gives a continuous or intermittent signal to guide ships and mermaids

where I live

above the rocks

I was called by sirens

Siren: women or winged creatures whose singing lured unwary sailors and demons on to rocks.

who swam from the Soca

to this the last

evidence

of

Atlantis

of

love

I wait the mermaid

I will break her heart

Again

Like waves crashing

again

until it opens

Mermaid 

Let’s me in


24 January 2021

 eyes turned toward heaven-23.01.21

Fast: something that reflects light) shine in a bright but brief, sudden, or intermittent way. 2) revelation

FLASH


saw you

Really saw you

pale blue eyes

turned towards heaven

the last time

saw you

pale blue skin

eyes towards

Heaven: place regarded in various religions as the abode of God (or the gods) and the angels, and of the good after death2) wherever you are

Heaven


19 January 2021

 10,000 Kisses in-19.01.21

ome to me and I’ll set you free -

we’re already 

10,000 kisses in

don’t want

hold you back

 want

to hold  you

your passion, youth and talent

Speedball:Injected mix of heroin & cocaine a speedball

A speedball

hitting centre of me heart.

I go the places  we shared 

hoping you’ll walk in to the vacuum of my stare

backdown?

one way

to love

one way to 

fight

to the 

DEATH

do I feed on your

BEAUTY

YOUTH

your kiss breathed life 

into

the place 

me soul once was

10,000 kisses IN

not looking for an OUT

I am 10,000 Kisses

IN


 







MLK day-18.01.21

woke up loaded my gun

love was gone

no one warned

I am  the chosen one

to shine

EXPLODE

burn bright

in my

sights

can’t

RUN

can’t

HIDE

judgement  day

TODAY

pistol  unloads easy

come

like the

Holy Ghost: Holy Ghost "proceedeth from the Father and the Son".

hit you

like the4 holy Holy Ghost

3 in the face

pray for grace

doctored bullets

ready for a fight

hoping

for peace

on

MLK day


07 January 2021

 Now-o7.01.21

she talks

reward in the sky

if we die

Now: under the present circumstances as a result of something that has recently happened. 2) all we have

all is now

rivers to cross

get over

Desolation: Desolation: state of complete emptiness or destruction

calling the desolation Angels

texting my man

skinny girl

Wants

Answers?

passion?

Release?

love?

to own?

be owned?

tomorrow?

now is fine




02 January 2021

 in her eyes-02.01.21

something

your aspect

something

your touch

something

your art

something

I have always known

your feral vibe

lavicous

  lips

I must still be alive

blood goes in the need

3cc’s of truth

I

have

always

known

who

you are

what

you are

it was in your eyes

connexon: a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else 2) finding another part of self.


Connexon

In her eyes


31 December 2020

 


Beyond reach-31.12.20

western sky

Constellation of the Cowgirl mermaid

She dances on the sands of the Milky Way

myth

a jealous god threw her high in the sky

out of reach

of poets

artist

who sought

her

seduce her


Je ne sais quoi: a quality that cannot be described or named easily 2) muse

je ne sais quoi

commit to paper, canvas, soul

she dances on the sands of the skies

poets watch from underground

stars

beyond reach


22 December 2020

 Seeing  other people-14.12..20


crossfire at the cathedral


old idols tumble

Kinetic: a certain place or area is violent.

Kinetic energy



forever? down underground

always same

death and glory

birth and death

betwixt

absurdity

same candles incense

holy holy

blood communion

rituals

the stigmata of my disease


you’re sex

your sex

it’s/You’re

on fire

me


never live in the future


never live in the past


no eternal reward will forgive you

for wasting NOW

I am seeing

who cares

I am seeing

who my friends are

I am seeing

Visions:; Visions are understood to be the product of God's self-communication.


visions

I am seeing

the feint within the feint


I’m seeing

art

Line of Fire: the expected path of gunfire or a missile

I am seeing

lines of fire.

I am seeing

saints

Sisters of Mercy: a programme for instructing and training poor girls, distributing food and clothing to the needy, and performing other works of mercy. 2) a band

Sisters of Mercy

care for me

don’t worry about me

I am seeing

other people



09 December 2020

 t’s you-08.12.20

It’s not me

Psychosis: mental disorder in which thought, and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality

It’s your psychosis

It’s not me

Paranoia involves intense anxious or fearful feelings and thoughts often related to persecution, threat, or conspiracy

It’s your paranoia

It’s not me

Insecurity: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence 2) needing constant external reassurance

it’s your insecurity

It’s not me

Depression: a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest.

It’s your depression

It’s not me

It’s you


27 November 2020

she’s Mermaid -26.11.20

she’s  

in

room 575

Mermaid Hotel

she won’t like it

pool not ocean

Jonesing: Craving, desire, or need something or someone   jonesing

Premonition of a soul?

the monotony of desert

assaulted blinding sun

she dances in the sand

we should go swimming

Mermaid: a half-human sea creature with the head and trunk of a woman and the tail of a fish comprising  magic

Mermaid


26 November 2020

 as you were-26.11.20

before

I bored you

before

your psychosis

told you it was me

before

I gathered poppies, coca and fled underground

Before

Your madness filled the room

when

you 

were me

 lover

when

you 

were me

muse

As you were: standard military command. It means, literally, "[return] to your previous posture" 2) before you gave into your psychosis

As you were


15 November 2020

 Stranger 


Stranger -14.11.20

Young women don't kiss me goodbye

Existence improbable

There must

Be

some way out

because night 

Random

Soaked 

in 

Gin, smoke and sex 

Stranger sleeps

Name?

It’s all the same

Her body illuminating

the room 

write to it 

her body 

dictates prose

Step outside

 of time and space for 1,000 millennium 

Step back into

 the hellscape

Still nothing  

is

known

Attachment is the source of all suffering.” Buddha

Step out

Find redemption 

in

Stranger: a person whom one does not know or with whom one is not familiar. 2)unusual or surprising in a way that is unsettling or hard to understand.

stranger





 visions-13.11.20

at the intersection

it’s St Jill

forever

beautiful

forever

Attachment is the source of all suffering.” Buddha.

in me

forever

love without exception (holy fucking)

forever


to walking on the roof of the ocean

Visions: is something seen in a dream, trance, or ecstasy 2) enlightenment 

to have visions

to know that

 ALL

Punks

ALL

musician

ALL

artist

in any form

are

Saints

My visions are true


09 November 2020

 Quien es-09.11.20

Existential outlaw

Existential: meaning of Being  2) the difference between being and nothingness.

on the run

reality

controll

illusion

did I

betray her

if so

because

I could

because

she said I would

I am whatever

you say

I am

gliding

betwixt planes

pink spiders

hunt me

some seek to classify me add me to their collection

General Tom Thumb: a dwarf  whose rose to fame as a circus performer

exiled and shunned

from the 3  beer circus

by

General Tom Thumb

too far underground

a drink

loose  exile

a dime

Quien es?-Billy the kid's last words answered by a bullet to the heart 


a knock

Quien es?


 Us-.09.11.20

no

don’t hate

her

no

don’t hate

him

she’s

around

when

he’s

not

around

coming

down

into

my lair

mermaid in a cowboy hat song echoes

There’s

Her

There’s

he

there’s

me

Us:used by a speaker to refer to himself or herself and one or more other people as the object of a verb or preposition. 2) an understanding  betwixt lovers

There’s

No 

us


05 November 2020

 Resonate-05.11.20

Ilsa forever gets


on that

plane

I forever stay

on this

plane

Here words

echo


those

words

those

emotions

aching

like

a new

drug

shelled

engines drown sound

various chemical drown the pain

stiff upper lip

Laszlo is a good person

Abomination in jeans

Abomination: I am a thing that causes disgust or hatred

yet

Resonate: 1) produce or be filled with a deep, full, reverberating sound ((her heartbeat)2) evoke or suggest images, memories, and emotions. 3) an echo in my psyche she causes through words and will

she resonates


27 October 2020

 Haunted-27.10.20

ghosts

living

dead

over

me

like a swarm of flies

walking cemetery

peaceful

the living

envy the dead

grey skies

there’s a scent in the air

don’t trust it

Mercury tipped bullets

mercury tipped bullets: explode on impact.

no mercy

no regrets

not PTSD

reflex

these

won’t be stopped by bullets

need

shaman

not

a

priest

need

a fix

not

a

hug

Haunted: Haunted: to appear habitually as a ghost 2) obsessed by memory or idea

haunted


21 October 2020

 Pieces-21.10.

these are the Pieces of

my poems my art

torn

by

her long red nails

matching

the marks on my back

I know one way to

love

I know one way to

fight

to the death

I have traveled the world

I have been o

holy places

looking for

answers

forgot the questions

Catwalk: a platform extending into an auditorium, along which models walk to display clothes in fashion shows; a runway. a rarefied place to celebrate beauty and style

she walked in with catwalk strut

I knew how this would end

from the beginning

Pieces: a portion of an object or of material, produced by cutting, tearing, or breaking the whole 2) what’s left of something after it’s destroyed

in

pieces


19 October 2020

 In the Mood 

I walk into the designer donut shop and Mackenzie n asks, “Coffee black and hot like your women?” Morgan is the uber cheerful pierced inked clerk sweet and pretty. I have said, that once too many times. I smile and take the cup, wishing I was a younger version of me, but the younger me wouldn’t be caught dead here even if the sweet and pretty girl was given to dark young men with bad habits and scars 

I am looking at the choices something about the fit woman in athleisure wear seems familiar and the mask isn’t helping. I shake the feeling off. There are local art and locally roasted coffee for sale several gyms and yoga studios in the area. She doesn’t stand out just seems familiar, why I am not sure.

I go to the patio and take my red X marked cornerback to the wall clear view of all entrances and exits socially distanced. That woman comes out, and sits directly across from me, her gaze is intense, even 2metres away

“Good Morning,”, I say to pale blue eyes that smile back. There’s a connection.  I pick up my coffee, “Slainte”

   “You don’t remember me, do you? I’ll give you a hint; I only have one of my red Jimmy Choo’s. She said.


Synapses fire, there’s something to micro-dosing I play for time. “Of course, love, of course,” I say laughing I am getting something, and it will be here in a moment.”

I am only giving you one more hint, Carmen.” she said.

It comes back to me in a wave. meeting in the gallery then, a pub, then spontaneous combustion 

“I take it casual sex, is not uncommon for you.”

“Well blue jeans are allowed “I answer 

“That’s clever, now tell me my name.” She says her stare is hard.

“Carmen, but do you know mine?”

“Escamillo” She answers’. I laugh. 

“Why so serious,” I ask. “I think we’re past the small-talk stage. I am cool, I sussed that night I could have been any man. I woke up you were gone. I 

“You woke up before I left, I saw your body go tense. Then feigned sleep. I thought you might call about my pump.”

 “I didn’t get your number, love, and my friends didn’t either.”

“I wasn’t looking to be their wife's sister, and yes I was in the mood even, though I am not sure how you knew” She answers.

  “I could feel tension and heat,” I answer.

 “Am I in a mood now?” she asks 

“Yes, but for something else, not a rematch,” I said. 

“You’re good,” she said.

“My name is Marlowe; would you fancy coffee we can talk about the weather. I reckon if you wanted to put it all behind you wouldn’t stop.”

“I think I am in the mood for some conversation and coffee and moves close in, I in middle of plague pull her in. She’s in the mood and moods pass It’s now or never


18 October 2020

 pork pie hat-17.10.20


dress up

cinema

we are the mods

drinks

dancing

losing

the crowd

finding

each other

finding

me flat

no words

waking

harsh light

cigarette

shower

coffee

dressing

kitchen counter

a pork pie hat

different world

same hat

secret smile

pork pie hat


13 October 2020

 Stolen moments-3.10.20

Stolen: take (another person's property) without permission or legal right and without intending to return it." thieves stole her love”


Whose moments

Are they

Not ours

Are they the others?

We belong to

Ourselves

We belong

To each

Other

How

Moments: a very brief period of time 2) appropriate time for doing something 3) an emotional reaction


Moments

anyone else’s 

keeping them 

from my dead cold fingers

stolen moments


08 October 2020

 chem trails-.08.10.20

the surface so brutal

stay underground

let them die

pursing

swimming pool

this year’s counter tops

athleisure wear

“this weird trick can change your life click here

ritual

as I awake

I am not at peace

I look for muse

Find

Chemtrails on my arm


30 September 2020

 summers almost gone -29.09.20

walking to your tan salty body

collapsing next to me

wet blade hair in a turban handing me

a spliff and coffee

dragging out

to the deal taco drive through

thinking of you

realizing

days are getting shorter

sumers almost

gone


 John Brown’s body-30.09.20

awaking

another day

less free

knowing

the proud boys

stand ready

I chamber a round

before emerging

john brown: (May 9, 1800 – December 2, 1859) was an American abolitionist. Brown, saw violence as unfortunately necessary if slavery were to be abolished

becoming 

John Brown’s body


29 September 2020

 


Tikvah-29.09.20

a chilly morning

black coffee, blues

agent 575 left us behind

full on reality

Open fire

m203: single-shot 40 mm under-barrel grenade launcher designed to attach to a M16A1

with my surreal M203 let off desert flower grenade

followed by a full clip of Irish roses   from my absurdM16A1

575

never turns

she

goes full on reality

I watch

screaming, no! fascism, and hate is there

she jumps

into

mundane

into

ordinary


I can’t

penetrate that veil

I go where we met

the

swirling sands

of

fate

where we swam

beautiful tidal pools of passion

currents of desire

Tikvah: word for hope in Hebrew 2) it also means cord or rope, which comes from a root word that means to bind or to wait 3) a precious drug, that fuels us

I will take my last shot of Tikvah


24 September 2020

 It’s a fact-19.09.20

That ON  the day

RBG DIED

2 black birds took her eyes

Flew them

see

All the people she helped to see

sunset in Tahiti


It’s a fact

that she left a memo

outlining charges to be brought against  fascist

It’s a fact

that

when the  black birds

replaced the eyes

RBG

there were happy tears


22 September 2020

 casting runes 16.06.20

I take chances

I take lives (never proven beyond a reasonable doubt)

Lakota: Indigenous people of North American western South Dakota. 2) another John Doe

Lakota

slow move

switchblade fast

quiet

slashing

gurgling coughing sound

Lakota’s baby momma

Casting Runes: Pagan traditions, divination is done by casting runes 

Lakota’s baby momma

casts runes

did she know?

she looks at me

smiles

and casts runes


20 September 2020

 Walking on  stars-20.09.20

morning black coffee & blue steel

an angry fix

Prophecy spray painted on the overpass

Andromeda Galaxy 537,000,000 light years from earth

walking on Andromeda

floating through the cosmos

you’re so far away

need you near

expect little

receive less

fruit of the earth work of human hands

10cc’s clear elixir

you should come

let flow to that Centre in your soul

sanctification takes place when a person enters heaven and becomes totally and irrevocably united with God in the beatific vision.

inside you

I am sanctified

Come with 

Me yesterday

Tomorrow 

Today

We will walk on stars


18 September 2020

 demon-18.09.20

I am fear

I am madness

Hieronymus Bosch: (1450-1516) a surrealist painter from Netherlands who depicted the world as passing through the devils’ digestive system

I am a Bosch painting

animated

I walk

betwixt

the living

that I may deliver them

Angel of Death-My crush

pink spider-my lover

woke me

I can’t

drink

medicate

her away

If I live

I will kill you

If I die, I will thank you

I live betwixt worlds

Demons: fallen angels (Revelation 12:7-9), and have the same characteristics as their angel counterparts

you have awakened 

demon


16 September 2020

Birding-15.09.20

They stared

HER

not approaching

HER

as she was

a

rare and beautiful bird


her unblinking pale blue eyes

taunted them

said

nothing

everything

beauty

HER

currency

took her from the aviary

Aviary: a large cage, building, or enclosure for keeping birds in.

Ithere’s no life

in an Avairy

I took HER

on a white stallion

down deep

underground

own deep

underground

past

the other vampyres

past

pink spiders

past

HER

Past

Redemption

Past

Judgements 

Past

Zone 6

to

US



10 September 2020

 Nod.09.09.20

see your lips move

music from some different world

Pink Spider

infecting

my soul

keep talking

I am nodding along

I am on my nod

Nod: is an act of recognition and respect that is accomplished by raising and lowering your head (nodding)when you see an acquaintance in a public place 2) high. Your neck goes limp and your head just slumps down on your shoulder and just nods at things seen and unseen be4cause you’re betwixt worlds

pink spider venom surging 

taking you

morphing


you

until

you a

aren’t

you

quit talking

I’ll take

you

there

can’t hear

just

nod

YES


01 September 2020

 Comfort inn  car park Amarillo-30.08.20

Comfort?

left a friend

rocky mountains

going to the coast

me in

flyover country

am too heavy

to

fly

bars closed

predawn dark

HWY 66

crying the ghosts

of last chance

white knuckle  runs

scrolling through photos

big brown eyes

don’t look back

love is

always an amputation

drinking  

coffee 

benediction commonly means a blessing of persons 

benediction

upon the Angels carrying him 

away

looking for comfort in

Amarillo  car park


Moaning Lisa -31.08.20

seventeen syllables

not enough

Mona Lisa: half-length portrait painting by the Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci 2) an enigmatic smile betrays nothing and everything

 

Mona Lisa smile

Cowgirl

dancing

on

shifting sands

Mermaid

swimming through

treacherous currents

Codex: an ancient manuscript text in book form

I will search the codex

not counting syllables

Mona Lisa

Transfiguration: complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state

 

Eyes roll back

Shuddering

Sweet sweat

 

Animal sounds

into Moaning Lisa

 

 

23 August 2020

 time-23.08.20

I want some

Time: a measured or measurable period, a continuum that lacks spatial dimensions 2) a fairytale to explain how we experience “reality”

YOURS

MINE

OURS

you have more

you can swim in it

like the

Mermaid

you are

future

past

present

dance

with

me

don’t

flee

I need

YOU

more

than want

YOU

wanted

YOU

so long

so bad

you want

time


I can make more

I am alchemist

Alchemist: person who transforms or creates something through a seemingly magical process

dance with me

there’s a place

beyond

TIME

beyond

REALITY

beyond

YOU

beyond

ME

we can dance

in

OUR

time


22 August 2020

 transfiguration-21.08.20

imagine

a cater pillar waking from

the cocoon

stretching

metamorphosis:a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means. 2) a Franz Kafka novella 

realizing 

everything had changed

you no longer crawl

you fly

thrilling?

terrifying?

both?

painful?

all beauty comes from pain

don’t jump

don’t fall 

FLY

"transfiguration:a complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state.

transfiguration is at hand


18 August 2020

 song hits-18.08.20

like bullet

trust me on this

sucking chest wound

Sucking Chest Wound: happens when an injury causes a hole to open in your chest.


that cavity

pay it no mind

just

a

place

I kept

me soul

don’t miss it

miss her

it was

always going to end like this

she was always

a pink spider

heroin

cyniade

weak distillations

she

would always do what

bullets

skag

knives

coke

car crashes

multi-coloured

universe

of uppers

dreamers  screamers

shaking like

the priest

the Priest: William S Burroughs

when the song hits

he one with pale blue  skies

song morphs

or is it me

when the song hits


16 August 2020

 Can’t say a word-15.08.20

Every word wrong

silences twisted

Everything you thought you knew is a lie

then her

the word

made

FLESH

The word Made Flesh: And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us. 

A

map

of her desires etched in my psyche

GIVING

sanctuary

embrace

shelter

from

the dark

disaster

ME

Can’t speak

No need







14 August 2020

 helig OS-12:43 dark-13.08.20


consciousness preceded material

material preceded consciousness

Bishop in there

church of 1 & 0’s

leads worship

cathedral of rare earths

random error

=

kitten hit by car

Bishop

betrays thing

I sussed out

heilig (comparative heiig, superlative am heiligsten) holy. sacred

sussed

helig OS

unfired field theory-:an attempt to describe all fundamental forces and the relationships between elementary particles in terms of a single theorem 2) consciousness

unified field

=

consciousness

Bishop

smiles

starts

math’s

to disprove

divine



10 August 2020

 Shadows-07.08.20

rich woman

beggar

junkie 

thief

instagram celebrity

every word

 silence 

 affront to  her

sorrowful shades

comfort 

me

shield 

me

take 

me 

underground

me 

 sanctuary 

me 

solace

me 

sanctifying


me  ripped   jeans

Aleister Crowley was an English occultist, ceremonial magician, poet, painter, novelist, and mountaineer.

Aliester Crowley

ties me off

William S Burroughs was a primary figure of the Beat Generation and a major postmodern author

Burroughs’

Hits

me vein

sending me to the polar regions

I shall live again

I shall die again


I will dwell forever

in

house of shadows

07 August 2020

 watching -08.08.20

plague

watching

fascism

watching

from the shadows

watching

no 12 steps to heaven

watching

a shot to heaven

watching

underground

watching the surface

they never loved me

watching

our lady of thousand sorrows

some begged some borrowed

some stolen

watching

Jacobs ladder

Jacobs’s ladder: Jacob did not build the ladder to reach heaven, God extended it to him.


02 August 2020

Broken woman -02.08.20
Your agenda has broken me
agenda :he act of promoting something strongly to get it done.  2) a set of goals and scheduling 
what
is this
agenda
Why don’t
I know
What
can I
gain
what
can I
lose
whilst
I wait

I see her agenda
she always be a broken woman

20 July 2020

casting spells-20.07.20
Magik: science of language to manipulate language to change consciousness
awake
practice
Magik
My friends
Shamen
Sorceresses
Necromancers
Enchanters
Art manipulating images words or sounds to make changes in consciousness
Artist
All of us
changing reality
Casting spells

15 July 2020

Not there-15.07.20
I am
not
your ex
I am
not
your stalker
I am
not
that man””
I am
not
who you imagine
I am
Not 
Who you fear 
I am
not
ever going to fulfill
I am
Not
Going to change a litter box
I am not 
Your psychosis
Psychosis :  severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality. 2) why you’re a monster

I am
Not
Talking you off the ledge
I am
not
even there

12 July 2020

Illuminati babes Break Free-11.07.20
thousands of words
not one kind one
I could have been anyone
With
an
exception
someone
she loved
if I don’t
fancy the flick
I leave
don’t fancy the food
send it back
she gives
 terms and conditions
Graffiti announcing
Illuminati babes Break Free
Illuminati: a secret organization said to be controlling most of media such as music gaming and news. symbolized by the pyramid monster on a dollar bill
epiphany
admonitions
wash off me
beyond bourgeoisie judgements

underground
breaking away
breaking free
a fix
Illuminati babes

07 July 2020

pink spider sonnet-07.07.20
Thoughts of thy kisses calm me when upset.
Our passion turns the “thou” and “I” to “we,”
By love, not foes, O may I be beset.
To Jakku let us flee (sans Palpatine),
There meet the call of passion at our best.
Thou art the shell and I, within, thy bean,
My love for thee hath ev’ry day progress’d.
Love is the order lovers must obey,
Love is the new-grown fruit sprung from the heart,
Love plunges one headlong into the fray,
Love is a never-to-be-master’d art.
Though Sith would gladly see me disappear,
With thee, e’en space shall not too bleak appear.

05 July 2020

cowgirl

Cowgirl - A Haiku-05.07.20
Last dive bar nighttime
An old, wild cowgirl dancing
beyond the mermaid