Valentine’s Day-14.02.20
You scream
Excommunicated: rarely applied censure 2) “Leave me the fuck alone

St. Valentine is the patron saint of lovers, epileptics, and beekeepers. By some: accounts, St. Valentine was a Roman priest and physician who suffered martyrdom by decaption on 14.02.270
Pink Spider
Calls
Southern drawl
Darling
Honey
Yawl
making kitty drool
exile: expelled and barred from one's native country, typically for political or punitive reasons.
Salacious redemption
 Cool southern night
Redemption: refers to the deliverance of Christians from sin

my birthday


Valentine’s Day

waking in Algiers-2102.20

Beur: Arabic slang for European 2) honky 3) Gringo

a Buer in North Africa

FN_FAL for company

FN_FAL; assault rifle 2) cutting edge Belgium technology in the 50’s

sun blazing! pulling on sunglasses

Khalas: Stop in Arabic

Khalas!

looking desperately fora grey ball of opium

lighting a gauloises bruns no filter

to the souk

pain is patient

pain is education

it will begin soon

staggering through souk

Buer clears a path a

sacred cow

leper

Ahmet’s bony hand

opens

a grey ball

le plus

le plus: the best

closes his reptilian hand

étranger he offers

étranger: foreigner

argent

Argent: cash 

hotel I light the ball

waking

in

Algiers

Mind fields-18.02.20

tired of treading carefully in these 

mind fields

pain is 

me

angel says let’s make life

I take lives

I want

Angel

who takes what//I give

I want the Angel 

who takes me higher

I want 

Angel

who stays

when everything 

adds

up to

zero

I want 

 Angel

who calls Saints 

by street names

I want

Angel

who sees my pain

and doesn’t flinch

I want Angel

who makes

me matter

I want Angel

to take me from mind fields 

toxic-12.02.20
of course
yes, grasp
what you assume
not subtle
offending
‘burb
judgments
‘Burb: shorter way of saying "suburb” 2) bourgeoise
kindness deficiency
accusing
Toxic: relating to or caused by poison. “toxic hazards”2) very bad, unpleasant, or harmful.

 toxic

matter-11.02.20

I matter?

it could be some odd hallucination

Hallucination: are vivid, substantial, and are perceived to be located in external objective space. 2)to perceive what is not

everyday

same

her

Words 

like bullets

deep under my skin

Matter: physical substance in general, as distinct from mind and spirit 2) meaning to be found in words or events 3) to make a difference or consequence

I think I used to matter

sometime-06.02.20

such a pain

want someone sometime

baby nobody knew

burnt breakfast

wrapped up in baby

baby  chose a cold and distant god

demon

faded back into the crowd

lost and lonely

words like bullets

tearing my skin

Fade to Black: The fadeout at the end of a film 2)removing yourself

faded to black

gutted

Gutted: take out the intestines and other internal organs of (an animal) before cooking it.2) extremely upset

RAW

Raw: uncooked food 2) red and painful open wound 

baby  tomorrow

baby yesterday

baby sometime

je ne sais quoi-01.02.20

familiar

that gaze

that smile

yet

unknown

don’t want

your name

don’t want

your history

don’t want

tomorrow

just want

NOW

just want

your je ne sais quoi

je ne sais quoi: an indescribable, special distinguishing feature, or to name some unnamable quality 2)unknowable essence

i feel  when we touch

taste it when we kiss

sweet essence

want to  mainline it

Mainline: a chief railroad line.2) injecting into a vein

visiting time is over-29.01.20

I passed a stone-faced priest at

your door

I chanted invocations with you 

Invocation: incantation used to invoke a deity or the supernatural 2) prayer

your frail figure

clinging to me

seeking

 intercession

seeking 

relief

seeking redemption

Redemption: the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.

I wish

I could take 

That

Punch

For 

You

You pull me

Softly

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen: In the name of the Father and of the Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen

Tracing a cross on me  forehead

kiss me 

visiting time

is over 

walk into the night

Holding-27.01.20
holding our place
Holding: grasp, carry, or support with one's arms or hands 2) be able to bear the weight of a person or thing 3) in possession of drugs 4) to keep something

rain pouring

silently
soundproof windows
stale sterile air
holding me
hand out
a young woman in cocktail attire
weeps inconsolably
holding tongue
from a room
Roar of a game show
holding
her hand
squeezes my hand
and quietly weeps
mumbling prayers
holding
tight
holding
desperately
holding
lovingly
just holding on
to each other
and
holding on
to life

MLK day20.01.20
awaking
planet burning
people angry
countries torn
americans-are-divided-equally pbs.org
look at me phone
read me history and future
absurdity and tragedy -a dark comedy
celebrating a man of peace
celebrating universal truths
a man of lies
16,000 misleading comments or lies told by Trump salon.com

assassination politics
Iranian General Soleimani killed in missile strike nyt.com
I help Mum to the bathroom
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe someday
Maybe yesterday
Dream: series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep 2) fantasies about something greatly desired3) a goal 4) a drug called hope


We can dream
MLK day

birth-14.01.20
Birth: from the body of its mother; the 2) start of life as a physically separate being
he didn’t give birth to me
she gave birth
to what I
to the demon
stripping
pretense of humanity
Humanity: the human race, 2)the qualities that make us human, such as the ability to love and have compassion 3) a costume used by demons
turning blue
ascending into
Heaven
both
birth
orphaning
Orphaning:  prematurely separated from its parents or its mother. 3. One that lacks support, supervision, or care

vampiric demon
Birth

solitaire-08.01.20

solitaire: any of various card games played by one person. 2) a condition of being.

A starless night

Gradually

Suddenly

lonely

Lonely: sad because one has no friends or company. 2) having given up in despair

broken

Broken: Broken: having been fractured or damaged 2) having given up in despair

Deal cards

another game

solitaire

17.06.16-love in the time of skag-later

WE ARE

sorcerer's

Sorcerer; a person who claims or is believed to have magic powers 2) lovers creating new realities 3) artist and musicians

alchemists

Alchemist: a person who transforms or creates something through a seemingly magical process 2) turning lead into gold, sorrow into joy white powder into heaven

Outlaws

Outlaw: a person who has broken the law, especially one who remains at large or is a fugitive 2) punks making their own rules

field medic’s

Field Medic:  military personnel administering first aid and triaging care 2) treating flesh wounds  and bring back ODs

young gods

WE ARE

in the 

throes

of 

each other 

destruction

creation

each other

mainlining

SEX

SKAG 

MUSIC

ART

What mortals 

Call

Love

Gun Powder-.01.01.20
the smell of gunpowder
hanging low in the cool night
Small Arms: Small arms: revolvers and self-loading pistols, rifles and carbines, sub-machineguns

sound of small arms fire
fireworks
takes me
a different place
different time
taste  blood in me mouth
Pope Francis slaps woman after she grabs his arm cbs17.com
no time
no place
you look at me
your touch
your kiss, the first kiss of the year
bring me back
Gunpowder:  an explosive consisting of a powdered mixture of saltpeter, sulfur, and charcoal.
it’s only gun powder

ruin-31.12.19

Desperation starts

Desperation: state of despair, typically one which results in rash or extreme behaviour 

at dawn

History is made

night

relentless: that does not relent; unyieldingly severe, strict, or harsh; unrelenting 2) harsh morning light 3) pink spiders

rentless light

refuse to

merely exist

Exist:1. to be, or to be real: 2. to live, or to live in difficult conditions 3) absurdity that links being 

pink spider

so sweet

Sweet: pleasant taste characteristic of sugar or honey; not salty, sour, or bitter. 2) generous, kind person

so naive

Naive: showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment 2) denoting art produced in a straightforward style

says

she is me ruin

Ruin: the physical destruction or disintegration of something or the state of disintegrating or being destroyed.

spent too many years

perfecting

ruin

disease

disease: disorder of structure or function in a human, animal 2) carefully curated behaviours' and habits

ruin

so sweet

so sexy

I’ take ruin every time

Rebel Angel-17.12.19
fell from grace
Grace: the free and unmerited favor of God
Down
Down: To be friends with someone or to spend time
underground
down
demon arms
down
twisted
dark
affair
down
taboos
down
Down:  toward, into

 catwalks
down
Down: to the bottom of

 my heart
suddenly
looking
into
her eyes
she went
 into
light
as Angels do
I ran
Down
Down:
knock or bring to the ground

dark
as demons do
Down:  sad or depressed.

down

fade to black-16.12.19
Fade to Black: is the most dramatic transition found on this list. A fade to black is essentially a dissolve in or to black. 2) signaling completion, or end of the narrative.
you found me
I am sussing
in a moment
weakness wants
naturally
vampyric demon
fades away
you’re tired of being
all things
to all people
I am happy
being nothing
to all
no need for dramatic music
no need for explanations
no need for apologies
no need to second guess
no need to look back
I fade to black

going down12.12.19
underground
Underground:the surface of the ground2) secretive  3)outside of  society
come angel
not heaven
not hell
both
low,  nowhere to go
demonic liar
no meetings
just those fallen from grace
Grae: grace is favour, the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God 2) a bartender I knew
in this place
whatever keeps me high
I take
I’ll take you down
when I go numb
fly  with me
might  we
crash together
Crash: collide violently with an obstacle or another 2) falling into bed
going down

Melancholy-06.12.19
Ring-a-ring-a-rosies
A rosy rash, they allege, was a symptom of the plague,
A pocket full of posies
Some diseases require a lifetime to perfect
awaking
Melancholy: a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause 2) also everything imaginable and coming down                                                                                                                                                                          
A pocket full of posies
Posey: small bouquet of flowers, was supposed to help ward it off

Falling
further
ashes ashes we all fall down
falling
Ashes ashes we all fall down’s ashes the burning corpses
underground black
 We all fall down: deaths from the plague 2) when you come down
NyQuil : the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest medicine. 2) last ditch treatment  for being dope sick.

Melancholy

I want the Angel-29.11.19

Angel: The existence of the spiritual, non-corporeal beings that Sacred Scripture usually calls "angels" is a truth of faith 2)) the one that never comes 

I want

the Angel

who 

takes what I give

I want the Angel

who 

takes me higher

I want the Angel

who stays

when everything

adds

up to

zero

I want the Angel

who sees my pain

but doesn’t flinch

Pain: physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury. 2)  fuel for art

I want the Angel

Who knows 

I have the devils blessing

Devils Blessing: a curse, misfortune

I want the Angel 

who will 

Lay with me 

Dream: series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.  2) goals 3) life

And dream