Bunny-30.12.21
On everything but roller-skates
Bunny hopped into heart
Crazy sexy cool
31 December 2021
29 December 2021
27 December 2021
21 December 2021
Ballerina-21.12.
Dancing in the sand
her
Dancing
Into a romance
Just Says she’s just Nina
Think need her
Heart will bleed
dreams from my teens
It took a lifetime to kill
Willed from a pet semetery (sometimes dead is better)
She is a summer bouquet golden
Dancing from
t Baltic shores
dancing
To Gulf shores
Dancing
On the sands
Dancing
Into my arms
dancing
Dancing
as fast as she can
Making me
Plan
Ballerina
Has to dance
Ballerina
Pirouette
En pointe
Tour en l'air
Ballerina
19 December 2021
beat-19.12.21
sun rising
marmalade sky
blue bunny
At me side
Journey
To inside/outside
I made you breakfast and left taking only blue bunny and medicine
Destination bliss
Thought our beats were in synch
Beat: in music, the basic rhythmic unit of a measure, or bar 2) vibration betwixt 2 people, that makes or breaks 3) tired, defeated
Medicine flowing through me veins
pulsing in me brain
You are echoing in me soul
I’m
beat
16 December 2021
11 December 2021
Contact high-.05.12.21
I am high
You’re sober
I am cool
You’re hot
I am not
trying to change you
complicate you
your life
I am absurd
Your serious
Boyfriend, No
contact high occurs when one becomes high when She/He is near someone who is under the influence of an illegal drug, the person receiving the contact high has not taken any drugs
Your contact high
I would be delirious
Nothing too serious
Your contact high
Contact high-.05.12.21
I am high
You’re sober
I am cool
You’re hot
I am not
trying to change you
complicate you
your life
I am absurd
Your serious
Boyfriend, No
contact high occurs when one becomes high when She/He is near someone who is under the influence of an illegal drug, the person receiving the contact high has not taken any drugs
Your contact high
I would be delirious
Nothing too serious
Your contact high
chasing feathered snakes. -10.12.21
night
red flashing light
blue dog
X mas lights
psychedelic
orgy of lights
They fly into the sky
collapse
Bleeding on the house
Snake taunts
Feathers glowing with colours
trying
catch
it flies
majik
coursing through me
Music
cherry on blunt
Iggy’s blinking light
guide me
Chasing feathered snakes
04 December 2021
Kink in your sobriety-21.11.21
Morning
Gods saying
Go home
No worries love
We’re chill
Cleanse your guilt
When I leave
You’re clean
form or cause to form a sharp twist in a line to cause a twist 2) strange or unconventional sexual preferences
I am just a kink in your sobriety
/I will never be more
Just
A kink in your sobriety
She was Nico? -19.11.21
Her canvas was herself
anything/ anyone
So very lonely
Intimidating
too many
siren’s call
I was deep underground
cocktail cacogenics and coffee
Lost in a dream (dreams will come)
I heard her a voice like single malt scotch)
This morning
Driving blind
Desperately
Wantonly
No hello
No goodbye
Just NOW
She was Nico?
21 November 2021
Purple-21.11.21
purple is her
Purple: a colour intermediate between red and blue associated with royality2)means trust and love for a long time 3) something longed for
Purple brings out
her pale blue eyes
Those eyes
Smiling like a sea of mannequins
Those eyes
hide
Struggle
Hide pain
those eyes
Hide
Passions hotter than the sun
Those eyes
Hide a volcano of love
Until they don’t
Those eyes
Are
My purple wife
15 November 2021
13 November 2021
Pink spider-13.11.21
Pulling me into her web
It’s alright
It’s just the night
moaning -clawing
Growling-biting
Screaming-obscene
Benediction: blessing of persons or things, invocations pronounced in God's name by a priest, minister, pink spiders or mermaid
legs- wrapping- benediction
venom-surging
It’s Just the night
We’re beat
Running streets
Loving in the sheets
It’s just the night
It’s alright
Music, and a pink spider
07 November 2021
03 November 2021
02 November 2021
Time -01.11.21
underground
Days blend into night
Blends into years
needed
your – touch soft, strong, and sensual
needed
Your smell-musky, sweet
needed
Your taste-bittersweet
needed
Your voice like scotch rocks
needed
Your embrace
Your
Time: interval over which change occurs 2) a construct, that doesn’t exist in the 4th dimension
Time (mark it in your schedule as life lessons)
you can’t find
time
it’s alright
It’s only time
29 October 2021
breakfast on Pluto-27.10.21
waking
predawn rains
hunger
deep
demanding
flashing
devouring
she is pulling me
into shower
blue bunny
a pipe
hit it
again
again
still
that
ache
pick up phone
put it down
walk into the rain
Pluto: The ruler of the underworld 2) he ninth planet from the Sun 3) the coldest planet
Breakfast on Pluto
27 October 2021
25 October 2021
Dollhouse
Nikita runs every morning in Memorial Park. I awake to the sound of the music she puts on and her showering. I brush my teeth and join her. Something in her kiss, melancholy, distant. We dry each other, and she pulls me to bed, “Lets’ skip class” she says with a smile forced? In bed she‘s urgent there’s a desperation. There’s a need. She Orgasms quickly again and again, but the hunger is still there
This started in class. I was leaving my maths class and Nikkita stopped me. “What’s that around your neck?”
I tuck the medal back under my faded Motorhead T, and answer it's a medal of San Martin de Porres. It was my grandmothers I never take it off.”
“I knew it you believe in things! You feel things!” she says excitedly. I am taking this all in Here is this stunner of a blonde all over me or, what’s left of me. I stare into her pale blue eyes. The rest of the class stares at us leaving, as Dr Nasser gives me a thumbs up and a wink as he walks by.
“Coffee, beer, me? You’re driving I can’t “ I ask.
“Beer, you know a place?” She answers. I will find out over a beer that turns into 3 she is married. She is very Catholic, but there’s chemistry. Married woman if she will kiss me she will bed me; I have done this before. Since hospital married seems to be all I do.
I take her by the hand outside warm summer night I pull her to me
I kiss her and she responds undulating and wrapping a leg around mine.
I walk her to her car, this kiss is gentle she stares before speaking and just stammers.
It stays that way then a week later she shows up in class with her nose in a splint. Nikkita asks “Will you go to the doctor, with me?”
I am staring at her and just say, “Yes, what happened?”
She opens her mouth no sound comes just a hurt sound. I hold her the class be damned. In the car top up she is embarrassed. In the car, in between sobs Nikkita says last night we had sex, and I, I, I couldn’t I was thinking of you, and he got angry. He was screaming, because I have never been like, that before. . softly sobbing.
“You can stay with me tonight, no expectations, no strings just a place to be and be safe. It's small the neighbourhood is not posh, but safe. No one going to hurt you. I promise, and being bulletproof makes that makes it easy, nothings going to touch you now. “
“Just let me think, first the doctor.”’ Nikkita answers.
Of course, love.”
I wait outside having a cigarette. She comes out a smile despite bandages. “They can fix it! A Romanian nose like I was born with!”
She gives me a tight hug, and a long passionate kiss.
“I am starved, “ Nikkita said. I picture the contents of my refrigerator, a carton of cigarettes, diet coke a bottle of Dom, and a few containers of take-away.
“I know a few places breakfast tacos, or eggs and bacon?”
“Eggs I am from Nebraska.”
“You’re not going to eat?” Nikkita asks. After we order
“Coffee, and cigarettes –breakfast of the champions,” I answer staring into those pale blue pools my gaze dropping to her full cleavage.
“Can we go to mass together?” she asks tentatively.
“Yes, now?”
I answer
Later, soon she answers holding my hand tightly. I am feeling her warm and wanting.
“Can I ask, she stammers.
“I shot it out last year, stopped 10 rounds 3 in the head. You’re not born this pretty
“Oh my God! I was going to ask how old you are, you have a baby’s face, but you’re hard, but yes pretty.
“I am 24, and yes I have seen a few things, done a few things died, all that,” I answer.
“I am 36,” Nikkita says.
“36 DD would be my guess,” I said
“I am serious Nikkita answered.
I pull her close to me and kiss her, “so am I “I said.
“She giggles.
“Want to go to my flat?” I said. She lays a ten’r down for breakfast we make our way to the car park. I guide her to my flat. She parks her Alfa Romeo. I assure her it will be OK. I’ll explain later, but in the manor, no one, touches my things.”
“” Welcome” I open the door a look of amusement and wonder crosses her face.
“Can I use your restroom, please? Nikita ask
s
“You can use our bathroom?” I Answer.
“This is so fast,” Nikkita says.
“I am sure. everything I have you’re welcome to stay if you like. “
I don’t have any clothes. I need to go to the house tomorrow and get clothes.
“I am going with you” I said picking up an HK compact .45
“I don’t have make-up anything just what I am wearing and 500$ cash, that's my money. I was an executive with AT & T before I moved here from Nebraska. I run is there any place close to run.
“We’re not far I’ll show you in the morning, look you can sleep in one of my T’s I’ll take the sofa, do you like Vietnamese food?
” I don’t know, let’s find out?” Nikita said. picking up her handbag “I am buying you dinner.”
“You don’t have to, I said.
I get her a Vietnamese coffee on entering the pho hut. and spring rolls are the 2 favourites. Her mood lightens up as we eat.
“I am feeling better pain meds and you” Nikkita says I can pay my way.”
“I know you were fooled by the opulence of my efficiency, but all I need is that smile,” I answer.
I am rewarded with a kiss. I know better, but I am beginning to give a fuck, that never works for me; here I go again.
Next morning, we go to the townhouse she retrieves things while her husband watches. I watch her husband.
Days turn into weeks. somehow we move to a nice flat, in an upscale postal code. Furniture everything. It feels good, and never trust feeling good.
I go outside in the merciless August heat and blinding sun for a cigarette. I come back she looks alien. Somehow I am not recognising. She’s putting the phone down. On the bed is her valise, and its full.
“I am going back to him”
“Back to the dollhouse to be seen, not heard a trophy the same age as his youngest daughter.” I say angrily this hurts more than, I will admit, or show. It feels like being gutted very slowly
“You knew this wasn’t forever I do love you” she says sweetly. Her eyes
Pleading moist she wants’ absolution. “Rent is paid for 6 months stay. She gives me her key. Ouch.
OK, this won’t change anything, but could you be with me one more time, or am I, Jezebel?”
“I can do that that always works for us,” I answer. I follow her to the bedroom she's stripping for a moment she hasn’t ripped my heart out. The sex is passionate as it. ever was. I shower after. “I will get out of your way.” I say towelling dry
“Don’t say that you were my saviour, my lover, My king.” Now sobbing
“Everything is past tense we’re noticing “I answer it comes out harsher than I intended.
“You and Ray are a lot alike., you both have to have “that” girl, yes I was prom Queen at UNO, modelled before I got serious. In saw your old photos met those women when we went out, I am a prize.” She answers.
“No, sadly no I love you, and now the dollhouse for life “I am doing my best stiff upper lip when she leaves, I am making a drink to wash down the dime bag.
“I’m does nothing like him, I would never hurt you, I ‘d rather stop another bullet. He’s weak and not worthy of your love. “I answer and turn away. I am going cold what might follow she doesn’t deserve it. These have been good days, I felt more alive than dead.
“The rent is paid for 3 months. I will always care about you; you will find that girl or she will find you. I never meant to hurt you” Nikkita says she doesn’t look back. I say nothing I light a cigarette, I am sussing I can smoke inside now. I put on Nine Inch Nails.
23 October 2021
22 October 2021
19 October 2021
Eye dropper-16.10.21
Full of a coloured solution
Full of dreams
music like a shaman’s chant
monkey
Screams
Claws
Bites
Dissolves
into
lightly salted popcorn
I drink
Black coffee +
Why
So, I can
walk
with my pup
Walk
on the roof of the ocean
Dance
with
pink spiders
Dance
with
a blue bunny
swim
with
mermaids
swim
with
sharks
just an eye dropper
15 October 2021
Live Grenades and a Fertility goddess -15.10.21
Jumped out functioning aircraft
because
CO thought jumping from functioning aircraft was a great idea
Now because I like the rush
One of my first memories Auntie dragging us into the Ladies transfixed by the blonde in a LBD
My 2 root addictions beauty and danger.
Flashes
Whiskey-soaked wench growling stretched across bed her home wrecker body making promises of heaven
Heroin
a weak distillation
Her taste, smell, and touch taking me higher and further into me disease
Forward firebase Julie. A grenade, rubber band a cigarette burning
a fire team watching smoking “last” cigarettes?
I guess we just don’t care
Tommy catches it, as the spoon pops
Throws
fire in the hole!
Wench not answering
Her last text bored with Swedish Barbie. I know better by the moonlight it will be alright
My
I need to tell her while I bite her neck she digs nails, teeth into me, wraps legs arms around me
she will explode
Screaming moaning, growling
My life
My love
My lust
My drug
All my wench
My Goddess
14 October 2021
Ready-13.09.21
underground
so dark
couldn’t see
didn’t know
who/what was waiting?
she cut out my heart
refused to bleed (requisite be alive to bleed)
pink spiders (sweet venom ) holy holy
I am ready
for thine is the kingdom
For thine the power
For Thine is the glory
mine is shame
name
murder
heard her
call
Dreamed
those
eyes
those
thighs
those
highs
secret desert
landlocked mermaid(Sisyphus slag tag)
spinning ceaselessly
on
shifting sands
blue bunny waits at mermaid sanctuary bar & grill
I am ready
I am ready
my love
07 October 2021
Smoking moon rocks with Walter White in Spokane-09.09.21
Smoking
Music (hitting like China White)
One-word jokes
Walter White’s bad acid laugh
Moon rocks
Into smoke
smoking
Rolling
A navigating
Concrete canyons
Laughing
Navigating
Higher
Laughing
Navigating
Absurdity
Navigating
known/unknown
Neon lights, headlights, distant stars
Light the way
navigating
Space
navigating
time
navigating
Love
navigating
War
Navigating
crosswalks
Smoking
29 September 2021
Mermaid sanctuary bar and grill-27.09.21
having a drink
Mermaids moon bathe on rocks
beautiful
Abandon: Abandon: give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking 2) complete lack of inhibition or restraint
in their abandon
want
Something strong (schedule one narcotics/great sex)
want
Fenty OD’s surge
want Something absolutely wrong
Blue Bunny screams
Don’t go underground
just
fly fly fly
seek
Sanctary: a place that provides safety or protection. (2 the protection from danger or a difficult situation that is provided by a safe place. (3 a safe house
Sanctuary
Swim
Amidst mermaids
the
Mermaid sanctuary bar and grill
on the beach at the corner
Of absurd
And shadows
27 September 2021
Schrodinger’s cat -25.09.21
Whatever keeps me high
Want to take it outside box
LIGHT
SEEKS
Horseman whip on people of colour (breaking promises made 245 years ago)
GAPS
pox of the soul
can no be defeated
Shadows only gain strength
pain and depth
light house
Just rumour
Through her
Something I can never have
No one sees me
Schrodinger’s. cat may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead
Whilst
Schrodinger’s cat
22 September 2021
Chemistry -22.09.21
Noticing
You
Noticing
Me
Autumnal equinox (days getting shorter)
eye contact
bright pale blue meets
A nation is enraptured watches missing white woman
The vacuum of my stare
Meets the primordial contract
Activated
Mermaids hitchhike from Coachella Valley
Spontaneous combustion
Love is a drug
Chemistry: A natural science can be broken down into the categories making drugs" and "blowing stuff up“ 2) emotional or psychological interaction between
two people, or more persons
Chemistry
16 September 2021
Pretend-16.09.21
Friend not lover
You can’t defend
Such a cruel thing
Pretend; 1) speak and act so as to appear that it is the case when in it is not.2) game or deception 3)1. imagining things, that are impossible
you can’t defend
So
conceited
no
Love defeated
Just
cheated
Pretend we’re friends
Pretend
We never were
Pretend
I never let you get
close
Pretend
You never inspired me
Pretend
this never transpired
Pretend it wasn’t what you desired
Pretend
It’s not all just tired
Pretend I am at Versailles
Pretend I never deciphered you
I’ll remove the danger
pretend
We’re strangers
13 September 2021
08 September 2021
Nods-06.09.21
Nod: 1) lower and raise one's head slightly and briefly 2) an act of recognition 3) extremely high in betwixt worlds and your neck and connection to outside world goes limp and your head bobs up and down 4) approval
On me nod
AOC-INTEL stands for Air Operations Center-Intelligence
AOC-INTEL in the shape of sexy, sweet
she asks so many questions
Debriefed: question a spy about a completed mission
Debriefed
her lips are moving
want
to taste them, nibble them
not answer them
Pink spider
Nods
From behind the counter
She abandons the questions
locks eyes
Licks her lips
think
I got the nod
07 September 2021
The case against love
Letters-0.09.21
Love Letters: a letter expressing a lover's affection 2) A genuine written form of communication with someone you love when the atmosphere becomes intense 2) demand letter from government/lawyer
Yellowing paper
emails 1’s & 0’s that never die
Both will easily
Outlive me
I have already died more than once (lead,
women and cheap narcotics)
Remembering everything she said
wishing I was dead(again)
try and try
just can’t get inside of her
Froze: turned into ice or another solid because of extreme cold. 2) frightened and anxious, and be unable to move, speak 3) frigid person
She’s froze
Now all that remains
Out of Context seems to mean something different from the meaning that was
Intended
words out of context
05 September 2021
Stars-07.08.15-later
When I met
You
You
Belonged to no one
And
everyone
The soul of a pink spider
Morally Flexible and fluid
You
kept saying you were tired of feeling crazy
when you broke
I threw the pieces across the night sky
They sparkled and became
Star: 1.)a fixed luminous point in the night sky which is a large, remote incandescent body 2) successful, and important person
thousands of stars
I
Ride far away from the city and look at the bright
Stars you
Are
knew you were a star
03 September 2021
After-Hours on Kelly Moynihan birthday
a few hours into 03.09.21
I am hi hoping Kelly likes the poem
Is an after-hours drink
The scent, of the night smeared lipstick, spit, and blood-holy bodily fluids
Jury duty in 3 hours (the most money a poet can hope for)
It is a holy day in France
Wish I could
gift
a jaguar
A brilliant feeling
Like the one I get when I realize it’s Kelly’s birthday
And I remember to write this poem
Writing in the car park 03:13 03.09.21(crescent moon reflecting on a puddle
All I
Have
After hours:1) after normal working or opening hours, typically those of bars and nightclubs.2) A sensation, feeling or a state of mind that comes to a person late in the night triggered by a strong emotion
an afters-hours drink
a spliff
I’ll wish Kelly happy Birthday
02 September 2021
She comes alive -01.09.21
mesmerised
long hair
tanned toned legs
eyes afire
She comes alive in a petite mort
La. Petite mort: signifie l'orgasme 2) little death
There’s a history
Of her mystery
Lovers coming and going
Some of them
Left no evidence
Some of them left her bruised
Feeling used
She comes alive in a petite mort
On her death bed
She comes alive in a petite mort
Heaven and hell betwixt her thighs
She comes alive in a petite mort
Her passions limitless
She comes alive in a petite mort
Those who couldn’t have her
Those couldn’t be her
She comes alive in a petite mort
Would kill her
Only fuel her
She comes alive in a petite mort
28 August 2021
Visions-21.08.21
falling
further
Vision: 1. the faculty or state of being able to see 2) seen in a dream, trance, or religious ecstasy
Visions
further
what we were
mission
rendition
Rendition: A performance or interpretation,2) illegal process whereby agents kidnap ppersons suspect ted of high crimes
take
her home
she’s driven by conscious
semi-precious stones falling from the sky
marine catches baby
Take a ride
Claim a bride
Her god
Cold
Distant
demanding
end of fiscal year/world
near
Her embrace
Mind racing
Awakening
Dreams
It
Took
A lifetime
To kill
I’ll cop some joy
White stallions
burst
born
from icy waves
Stampede: a group of people or large animals such as horses suddenly start running in the same direction
Stampede
Feel
Need
Breed
bleeding
visions and Horse
25 August 2021
Now, Now 10.08.15-later
She talks of her god
only in moments of weakness,
Need: require thing/person because it is essential or very important 2) a person or thing is found to be wanting.
does she need me
She never learns
She always
Calls
Her raw need
She speaks of her god
A moment of weakness
does she need me
does she need me
does she need me
Now, Now: South African term we use that generally means 'soon', but can also mean 'never',
Now, now
18 August 2021
Faded-18.08.21
These words will
Fade: 1gradually grow faint and disappear 2) the process of becoming less bright.
Fade
Soon they will exist
Only
In memory
Like a weekend with a lover
Best by date: indicates when a product will be of best flavour or quality
They have a best by date
like
our time together
Will fade
Into
Nothing
15 August 2021
Alive-15.08.21
Ccub car park
Morning traffic
Let them stare
We’re the last lover’s
Alive: Alive. 1. Having life, in opposition to dead; living; being in a state in which the organs perform their functions; as, an animal or a plant which is alive. 2. In a state of action 3)a rare state of being
ALIVE
Amongst sleep walking zombies
Kiss me
Be fine
Need those
wine coloured lips
She stresses
It’s too early for dress
this is what you wanted last night.
ALIVE
Eyes catch afire
Little black dress
Stilettos
Job 38:1
Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind
A whirlwind of sex and glamour
ALIVE
12 August 2021
Stare-12.08.21
early
Dog walked
Maintenance dose
Stagger out of ride towards a clean well-lit place
I am all scales, and scars
Bright lights are not my friend
Mermaid awaits (hitch hitchhiked in from Coachella valley)
smile
Nervous
Tapping
My Back to the door always makes me twitch
Behind the counter
Pink spider
stares
Stare: look fixedly or vacantly at someone or something with one's eyes wide open 2)When someone looks at you straight on like they want to kill you or fuck you
stares
at us
I stare at
You
You stare
at the clock
I used my unit
Of
your precious time
Stare as you drive away
02 August 2021
Fling-30.07.21
Blonde
bomb
benediction
addiction
Connexion
Affliction
conviction
mirror refection
Erotic fiction
Moving in her direction
No
Professions
No
Confessions
Infectious
passions
Smashing
Power of
Pink
knickers
sinners
stunner
Summer
Power
Of her
Fragrant flower
Screams
Louder
Roaring
Leave her snoring
Fling : a short period of enjoyment or wild behaviour. 2) throw forcefully.3) it was just the weekend
FLing
31 July 2021
Shelter 31.07.21
she
Needs shelter
doesn’t believe anyone can help
She’s in so much pain
I look again pale blue eyes
Filling with tears
She doesn’t want me “involved
But I see her fear
She says she will manage
Can’t change the way it feels
I put my arms around her
Know you want to live’
Can you just forgive yourself
Stand behind me
I’ll take the hit for you
You’re a woman
I am a man
Lean on me
In have no fear
Stay near
Pale blue eyes fill with tears
I am still here
Shelter: giving temporary protection from bad weather or danger. 2) demon with a hair trigger temper
I am your shelter
30 July 2021
Something we’re not allowed to feel-30.07.21
Welcome the ordeal
I was
a
Petite bourgeoisie adventure?
petite bourgeoisie literally small is a French term (sometimes derogatory.)
do you know the pressure?
Off someone who cannot feel
Flames engulfed
us
You said enough
Maybe we’ll see you
yesterday
You’re
Just something
We’re
not allowed
Feel: a sensation given by an object or material when touched 2) an emotional state or reaction. 3) something I am not allowed
to
feel
“ there ain't no cure for love
There Ain’t no cure for Love” in the background air smells of hybrid weed .coffee and whiskey
26 July 2021
Beat-25.07.21
don’t need you
desire you
The fire calls
reluctant flesh
Spurns
Beat: eat, in music, the basic rhythmic unit of a measure, or bar 2)The Beats: gave conformity the literary middle finger 3) a vibration betwixt 2 people, that makes or breaks 3) tired
-Beat
Word on the street
Your fire gone out
By now
I should
Sussed you out
So many things
We should
Worked out
All the paths from of you are winding
The light house is blinding
2 wounded people
just a few drops of dream left
Beat
All I have
All we have
2a few drops of dreams
raw
Desire
25 July 2021
24 July 2021
No life guard on duty-24.07.21
tell you
I am in pain
You don’t care
You say life is a torture you cannot bear I tell you give me my life back
I can’t be your wife
I have my own life to
Save: keep safe or rescue (from harm or danger
Save
I am too tired to care
I am too angry to try
I sit in a chair alone
I don’t sleep
Dreams
Where children scream
monsters comeback
You’re not what you seem
Leaving me
Too angry to dream
First you ran to me
NOW
you run from me
You wanted to be by my side
I have my pride
Swallowing a sea of whiskey
A little risky
But I have my own life to
save
There’s no lifeguard on duty
I am too tired
To mad too care
You don’t dare swim
Lifeguard: lifeguard is a rescuer who supervises the safety and rescue of swimmers, surfers 2)helpful, especially at a time of crucial importance.
There’s no lifeguard on duty
The waters are murky
I have my own life to save
22 July 2021
Milady-21.07.21
The night terrors are back
Voice like single malt neat
Calm in the eye of the storm pale blue eyes filling
Tears she wills away
The monsters
The monsters
Back
In won’t crack
I won’t crack
I am tourist in her reality,
I am tourist in my own reality
Milady: used to address or refer to an English noblewoman or great lady 2) She who walks in beauty
Milady
Of beauty
milady
Of love
Milady
Of quiet desperation
Milady
Of my heart
20 July 2021
Bliss-20.07.21
The roar of my machine
All love lost
Rifles on rock ’N Roll
Conflict zones
Betwixt worlds
Melting realities
Blue bunny coming on strong
Shamans’ potion coursing through my soul
Hitch-hiking pink spider
pelji me k očetu: emmène-moi à papa
her sign
says
pelji me k očetu
Where are you going?
I don’t know but it won’t be boring
We got the kingdom, we got the keys
We got the kingdom
We got the night
We don't doubt, we don't take orders
We are chosen
We are travelling
Even
Standing still
Destination
Bliss: reach a state of perfect happiness, typically so as to be oblivious of everything else.
bliss
15 July 2021
Burying friends-13.07.21
on this day
she turned blue
ascended into heaven
blue Angel
first love
first death
3 metres from where I
Descended into hell
Here I will dwell forever
Fireworks(early Bastille day?)
Like small weapons fire
not
NATO
Angoise: angoisse, souffrance, supplice anguish
angoisse
So tired of being alone
Light candles
“the car may do the wrong thing at the worst time (Tesla warning)
chalice bubbling over sacred candles
heavy perfume fills the air
communion fills the spike
Transfiguration : complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state
Transfiguration
Betwixt worlds
Burying friends
12 July 2021
Mediations on the relentless savage beauty and passions of pink spiders-10.07.21
Ravitch: a comrade former USSR
to Ravitch she commands
coming on strong
I’m usually not that daring or romantic she says
Meet me in pale moonlight
By the lighthouse?
Past
means dangerous or unexplored territories, in imitation of a medieval practice of putting illustrations of dragons, sea monsters and other mythological creatures on uncharted areas of maps
Beyond there be dragons
Blue Bunny
Called in
Existential Airstrikes
Absurdist napalm
Turning everything into flowers and popcorn and unicorns’
Pink spiders
Stings
Stings
stings
Sending venom straight
to
junk centre
of
the soul
upending the order
of
my heart
08 July 2021
Echoes-07.07.21
Standing on the beach looking out to sea
Pieces of you in silver serving spoon
Echoes
Remember from dust you came to dust you shall return
Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return(priest in low tones)
Echoes
Love you smochies!
I kiss the fine white ash tasting you
on my lips
one last time
freeing you shell to the wind and the sea
Echoes
Of
YOU
Echoes
Of US
Echoes
Revibrating
Echoes
03 July 2021
Kicking-26.06.21
realised
at start
how
It ends
you’re
always
disintegration
China White: a pale, neutral 2) a white powder and the most refined V of skag
China White
dark fantasies
obsessions
made flesh
Kicking: to quitting skag cold turkey, because of the muscle spasms during the first 36 hours
kicking
Cold sweat
Nausea
convulsions
NyQuil: liquid cold medicine 2) chugging a bottle will postpone getting junk sick
NyQuil,
tossing her hair
lick king her lips
walk that makes promises
entering in the vacuum of my gaze
Kicking
26 June 2021
tôt le matin-25.06.21
cast off
your unwilling
flesh
don’t hide
fire burning bright
Log off
from
militaristic industrial complex
Log off
from
puritanical conscripts
Satyrs were characterized by their ribaldry and were known as lovers of wine, music, dancing, and women.
Embrace this satyr
Run with me
Through existential mists
Run through the planes of existence
Beyond
Good
Beyond
evil
Past
Norms
Past
inhibitions’
past who you
Are:
second person singular present and first, second, third person plural present of be 2)self
are
come with me
to
who you will
be
tôt le matin: early morning predawn
tôt le matin
hallucinogenic predawn hours
air damp warm
lose yourself
find your soul
as
dawn breaks
illuminating everything
23 June 2021
Swimming-07.06.21
That devil’s smile
Our Lady of 10,000 sorrows
Some
Begged
some
Borrowed
Some
Stolen
a pretty face
fell from grace
Into my arms
we could
start a revolution
In bed
Or
we could
Get high
Or
we could
seek enlightenment
or
we could
go swimming
By the light house
Swimming: using your arms and legs to move through water2)what we can’t say to each other
Or
26 May 2021
Lilith-24.05.21
holding onto Lilith
Lilith, female demonic figure of Jewish folklore. 2)She is the ex-wife (first wife) of Adam, the first human, wife of Lucifer, queen of hell
Old soul
Mystical woman-child
couldn’t
hold on
too
So
Went
Underground
So low
So high
Rebel angel
asked me for
Smoke
Said call me Nico
no cash
She produced a match
You don’t need any smiling
What pulls me
To Lilith
Is what pulls
me to madness
Nico says
GO
where
Day before yesterday
Laying back wings spread
To whom you were
To whom you will be
Lilith can wait
24 May 2021
Mean 19.05.21
mean can describe someone who's stingy, angry and cold 2)importance to (someone/mermaid/pink spider), object of affection. 3) signify
Mean
So much
To
MEAN
So little
To her
Covax, the global vaccine-sharing program, will receive about 200 million doses of the Johnson and Johnson vaccine
Intoxicated
I read the Holy books
I contemplated n existence & nothingness
I found God and all of the devil's inside of her.
Intoxicated
I let her swim away
liberated
If you know
what
I mean
19 May 2021
Copping-17.05.21
Waking
Not at peace
Rockets and airstrikes light the skies over Gaza-genocide
HOLLOW
Coughing
RAW
NEED
Monkey screaming
Cop: to get hold of catch, capture also: purchase
Needing to cop
A fix
Dope: a drug taken illegally for recreational purposes, typically heroin. 2) you think something, or someone is cool
A hand pulls me into the shower
My dope
Pulls me inside
RAVENOUS
Steam from her fire
Water splashing
Erotic baptism
Kiss
embrace
The monkey quits
screaming
clawing
biting
Blood surging
oxytocin
endorphins
redemption
straight
to
dope
centre
of the
soul
copping my fix
11 May 2021
Redemption prayer-09.05.21
looking for answers on a Sunday morning
looking for a fix in this underground existence
Redemption: belief in the idea that humanity can be saved from sin - redeemed
seeking redemption in these dirty sheets
Transfiguration: 1) a change in form or appearance:2) metamorphosis. 3) an exalting, glorifying, or spiritual change. 4) climax of sexual encounter characterized by feelings of pleasure, dopamine, epinephrine
looking for transfiguration in betwixt sweaty thighs
08 May 2021
watch-04.05.21
It’s fact
on the day my lover left for the other side
seagulls
plucked her eyes out and flew them
to Paris showing her
Notre Dame
the Louvre
then flew
over the pyramids
flew them over the Vatican
to the coast leaving
them
Watch: watching or observing someone or something closely; alert and vigilant
to watch over
dolphins
watch over
artist
watch over
children
watch over
me
01 May 2021
Gone-01.05.21
funeral pyres turn the Indian night into day
never wanted to be your part-time lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Love
could never steal you from another
come to me
when you feel me
flee me when you don’t
feel me
love me when I am
Gone:no longer present; departed 2) completely high and/or intoxicated to a point of no return 3)lost in love/ cool /art/music
gone
28 April 2021
Alone-04.14.95-later
In a bar
Next too
The place
Where my friend dances for men,
you say she sells herself
nicotine stained lungs I speak to you in tongues
And you say my life is a mix of Picasso, Kerouac
Lines, gin and women
I am too high to notice too gone to care
You say my
Madness comes from sadness
Then you
Quit saying anything
Still I miss you
All you left me
Was
Alone: having no one else present 2)Not having anybody. 3)indescribable state of being.
ALONE
26 April 2021
Honey trap-26.04.21
you Don't admit that it's part of your agenda
I can't stop thinking
I ain't quite as daft as you think
I am sussing
Honey trap: is an investigative practice involving the use of romantic or sexual relationships for political (including state espionage 2)in cases, to capture or kill the target and gain intelligence
Honey trap
24 April 2021
human-21.04.21
morning tangerine sky
a chill
smell of coffee
warmth that is her
human perfume
Mermaid out of water
just human
benediction
embrace
Benediction: a service in which the congregation is blessed with the Blessed Sacrament
Kiss
redemption
Redemption: the idea that humanity can be saved from sin - redeemed
redemption
human
21 April 2021
27.03.16-second coming-later
some wait
fiery judgments’
angry condemnations
swords of vengeance
horrendous wars
rapture
a beast
heavy metal imagery
4 horseman
The four horsemen: Pestilence, War, Famine and Death; comprise the four horseman
I wait
you my lover
your soft laugh
your passionate touch
fuck the righteous
heaven was
always
where ever
you are
hell is where ever
you’re not
the dark rider of the apocalypse
waiting for
the second coming
cocktail in hand
lines on the mirror
18 April 2021
why?-17.04.21
why she asks
everyone asks how
I am good with why
black coffee
debriefed: question (someone, typically a spy) about a completed mission or undertaking.2) direct questioning by MI6 or a woman you’ fancy.
casually debriefing me
laughing eyes
Mona Lisa smile
it’s been so long
my time at
“Combat”: clandestine newspaper of the French Resistance, editor Albert Camus
“Combat”
fighting fascism
with
absurdist armies
of
the night
fighting
with
passion
she knows the how’s, when’s
she
is
why
16 April 2021
The last souls-16.04.21
the lost souls
infinite universe
cold
dark
one
galaxy
9
planets
2
flawed souls
step outside
of space
step outside
of time
step outside
Routine: a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program. 2) cages of our own making
of your routines
step outside
your rituals
Ritual: a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order. 2) building blocks of mental illness
we’re the
last souls
12 April 2021
She-12.04.21
let me out of me grave
let slip me leash
she shouldn’t be scared
she wanted my hunger
she lit the fuse
Explosion: breaks up into more than one piece and it therefore changes its shape.2) petite mort
going to feast on her
It’s
fictional?
It’s
Mystical?
It’s
Existential?
Only in moments of
Weakness
Does she need me
now
Does she need me
Now?
10 April 2021
Swimming-10.04.21
another mass shooting
the pain has to go some were
all they doi s eat, buy guns, and watch tele
troglodytes fired a burst in anger
you’re like that game
Frag Grenade: L109A1
grenade is a fragmentation hand grenade used by the . The HG85-ki radius 2 metres
forward firebase Julie-burning cigarette rubber band holding the spoon frag grenade pin long gone L96a1
A3 close
Spoon: the safety lever , while depressed will not expolde
fear in your eyes you woke Vampyre
yes, he will feed on you, your talent beauty
pure dope
vampyre shaking need, hunger, want
don’t run to the desert
don’t call sister
Don't give it name
call it swimming
you’re just
swimming
07 April 2021
Fever dream-07.04.21
caught
her
vacuum of my stare
gifted her
Affliction: something that causes pain or suffering
affliction
blood throbbing in her thighs
fire in burning I her in her eyes
sweat on her heaving breasts
are
listening
to me
Fever Dreams: vivid dreams you have when your body temperature is elevated
This fever dream is everything
06 April 2021
Hot and bothered-06.04.21
Swims to me
Breathelessly
whispering
Hot
hot: having a high degree of heat or a high temperature.2) sexually aroused; lustful sexy; attractive
same breathless voice
2 syllables
Bothered: concerned about something. Upset, anxious, or rattled.2) sexually aroused
swims to the deep end
beckoning me
she’s
Hot and bothered
3 syllables
that change everything
I go deep
05 April 2021
Existential outlaw-05.04.21
.45 absurd auto in my belt
betwixt planes
pink spiders
hunt me
Angels
Haunt me
some seek to classify me add me to their collection
my crimes
against
reality
against
time
against
love
exiled and shunned
from
the 3 beer circus
by
General Tom Thumb: a dwarf who rose to fame as a circus performer
General Tom Thumb
underground
drink
loose exile
pink spiders
a dime
I told her
Just
How it end
No future
Only now
On the run
Wanted dead or alive
Existential outlaw
Quien es? -Billy the kid's last words answered by a bullet to the heart
a knock
I know who it is
Quien es?
04 April 2021
Salton Sea 04.04.21
mermaids
gathered
there
American dream crashed and burned
They watch the moon
I watch them
The Salton Sea is a shallow, landlocked body of water that has a high concentration of salts and chemicals 2) a community of retirees, bikers, and eccentrics on the shores of an ecological disaster
Having a cocktail and waiting
On the edge
the Salton sea
03 April 2021
Casablanca -21.05.20-later
the plane is on the landing strip
raining dark
Ilsa beautiful in the rain
Victor is on the plane
Ilsa runs to plane I don’t look
back
here’s looking
at you
KID
light a cigarette
dessert
after a long journey
into
night
it always ends
like this
Casablanca is the largest city of Morocco 2)a filim 3) a postmodern archetype
alone
in
Casablanca
Good Friday-02.04.21
Spring
Renewal
amidst
Jim Crow coming on strong
the incessant backbeat of mass shootings
ström troopers crucify
people of colour
impotent men with
big stomachs
and no guts
brandish weapons
doves released at the Vatican
like
JOY
Camus prophesied
Plague
Poe’s premonition
Red Masque
Cooking flowers
redemption
pink spiders-famished
Mermaids-swimming free
Angels-rebels
Poetry
Art
spoke with God,
pure love
pure beauty
she whispered
it wasn’t her fault
spoke with the devil
mirror image of me
roars
suck it up Mary
my dog
chases a ball
an attack on US capitol
Good Friday commemorates the crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ
on Good Friday
01 April 2021
29 March 2021
don’t pretend-28.03.21
trying to get inside of you
no matter what I do
I know
no matter what I do
I’ll never real get inside of you
and make you catch fire
the way you should
Pretend: speak and act so as to make it appear that something is the case when in fact it is not. 2) acting like this was all we ever wanted
don’t pretend
you never wanted more than the
don’t pretend
I never tried
don’t pretend
and
smile
don’t pretend
28 March 2021
27 March 2021
Lust-27.03.21
she reaches out
a branch
in whirlpool of self-recrimination
longer than smiles can be forced
and
troubled
emotions under lock and key
yet
Lust: very strong sexual desire 2) a strong hunger for anything,
lust screaming for satisfaction
all
i know
no eternal reward
will forgive
wasting the night
lust is life
24 March 2021
22 March 2021
20 March 2021
mon guide voyage en absurdie-20.03.21
waiting night
dragon roars
dissolving into smoke
scotch-coloured skies
blue bunny was calling
pink spider
waves 8 legs
craving me
whilst
I crave you
riot of bald sopranos’
messiah
Sisyphus
Crucified
Messiah: who will change the world order in accordance with the will of God
messiah
strip
show me
your
desire
show me
your
fire
I
show
show you
mon guide voyage en absurdie
14 March 2021
12 March 2021
02 March 2021
28 February 2021
a text from Marilynn Monroe-27.02.21
-Starwood?
Madame Wong’s?
catching me eye
whirl wind: almost-vertical column of wind that moves rapidly 2) how god calls you if his iPhone has bricked
Whirl wind of blonde hair, sexy
basically, on fire
hard to miss
easy to lose
then
a text
Marilyn Monroe: Norma Jeane Mortenson 2) blonde archetype
Marilyn Monroe
26 February 2021
how to disappear completely-26.02.21
love letter
yellowing like a fresh black eye
don’t try
don’t work
don’t force
don’t fake it
quit now
if it is
then
if isn’t
there already
it never existed
only when it
comes
from
within
not
outside
can
it
immerse you
overcome you
pull you under
until you
are
who
you were
before they told you who to be
Disappear: lecease to be visible 2) to go away or become lost
disappear
24 February 2021
Happy Ladings-24.02.21
radar contact
Radar Contact: Air Traffic Control see you on my radar, I'll keep an eye on you
redemption
usually at
Tony
Tony
Lima
flying under radar
coming in hot
cleared for landing
Runway foamy: runways at airports being covered in foam to reduce friction
runway foamy
Air traffic control
She loves me
Happy Landings
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